To think a year abroad is a year abroad?

[Iused2BanOptimist]

DD1 age 20 is excitedly preparing for an academic year at uni in Canada as part of her degree. She announced the other day she will be home for Christmas. Student loans will pay for two trips on top of the actual there and back apparently. But it all adds to the overall debt and anyway that's not really my point. I just assumed that her year away (which won't be a full year anyway as the academic year is September to April, she'll probably travel a bit and come home in June or July as she has Uni stuff to do here in July) would more or less mean a year away. Her good friend at Uni has gone to Australia and due to the different term times is there already. She won't be coming home for Christmas. It's not that I won't want to see her, but I think it's a bit of a rite of passage, first Christmas away from home. I'd really expect that she'd make friends and plan to do stuff over there. Also flights are really expensive at that time of year, even if it does go on the student loan. Is it a bit mean of me to discourage her from coming back for Christmas? So far I was just surprised and said "oh really?" so I don't think I've put my foot in it yet.

How mean! Either she comes home or you go to Canada to see her and have a family holiday.

As someone who moved abroad... The first year away is hard. Especially if she is there just for a year and not planning to stay. I understand why she wants to come home for Christmas. I used to go home before I moved in with my husband.
She will have PLENTY of experiences the rest of the time. And she will have plenty of Christmas away from you when she gets older and gets her own family.

And you might want to book the tickets now. I always booked in July, August latest, because after that, the prices are ridiculous.

Who wants to be alone for Xmas? I'd assume most students would return home for Xmas - we certainly did when I was at college. Poor girl would be alone for the most "family" time of the year.

LuMarie Thanks for your post. I'm with you! I guess it's horses for courses but it's a great opportunity, I'm sure she will make the most of it. I'm going to encourage her to keep options open. 👍

Did a year abroad many years ago and it never crossed my mind to go home for Christmas. It would have felt like such a waste. So I was very surprised that most exchange students went home for Christmas. But then again they barely interacted with locals and stuck together... so it might have felt empty. My housemates had all invited me to spend the Winter break with them so I had options not robe alone and experience Christmas abroad. I realise I must come across as really judgemental, which is not my intention. Ultimately she will come home if she wants to see her family/celebrate Christmas,etc and it's just a couple of weeks out of a whole ten months but I totally see your point.

Im a Canadian who came to the UK for a year abroad 11 years ago. I am married to a Brit now and we have a ds. I don't think my parents ever thought I would be gone so long!
The uni will empty out over Christmas and everyone will go home.
My first Christmas away was very hard, it is the 1 time of the year I am always homesick.

She will have a ball in Vancouver...fantastic city and beautiful countryside on the doorstep. My DS has just finished his exchange year there at UBC. We paid for him to come home at Christmas which he really appreciated even though he'd made loads of friends. He's still not back home now though...making the most of travelling...says he's coming back the week before he starts back at uni

i did a year at college in the USA when i was 20. my scholarship paid for flights home & back at christmas and the dorms were closed for the break anyway, so i went home and did some shifts at my old job. for thanksgiving/shorter holidays i went travelling or to stay with friends’ parents but for christmas it would be too long/lonely to do your own thing!

If she is looking for something to do over Christmas other than go home, perhaps something like this? Dec 22 to Jan 5, from San Francisco - I'm sure she could get there fairly easily from Vancouver.

greentortoise.com/adventures/baja-mexico-whales-beach.php

I did a Green Tortoise trip during a similar stage in life and it was amazing.

I spent 2 years overseas at that age. The first time I went at 20 years old to uni for a year (the Americas). Yes it's important that she comes home and reconnects culturally and emotionally. It's a different continent. There'll be plenty to learn and adjust to in the first semester. I was invited to someone's home for the Christmas period - out of pity and it was excruciating. I wasn't sure if I could get home..I was relieved to be able to, even though it was a difficult for various reasons. There's a real possibility that if she feels that she should stay, she might just do that. I seriously considered the same (until I received a hand written letter from the department chair advising against it). My point being, the trip is but one opportunity. Plenty of us met our spouses at that age, at uni. Some are overseas and never returned bar the odd visit. Make her happy to come back and visit her mum. It's a memory she'll hold and one you may want her to carry with her for the rest of the year.

I know a few people who would quite happily spend Christmas on their own with a pizza and a tv and not feel the least bit lonely at all.
I also would hate if my dd turned out like any of those emotionally independent people. With no need of family or friends outside of what is convenient for themselves. I don’t consider it a postitive personality trait although many people do.

DS1 spent a year abroad in Europe. He was going to stay there as I, like you, thought/assumed that another student would invite him to their home for Christmas (as we ourselves have done with other people on their own at Christmas) but no invitations were forthcoming so In the end he spent a lot of money coming home as he had to book the journey at late notice.

Wow Semster. I'm sold! Tempting to leave the family to get on with Christmas over here while I go Blue turtle!
It's been so interesting hearing everyone's experiences and suggestions. I think most posters ended up doing what was right for them be that coming home or doing their own thing. I definitely didn't have shivering alone in an empty flat in an empty Uni on my list of likely options! I'm keeping a much more open mind about it now as I know there are lots of brilliant ways for her to spend the holidays over there but equally it's lovely she wants to be home with family and maybe that is what she will want to do.

green tortoise ! 🤭🍷😂

How mean. I've lived abroad since I was 19, in various countries. I LOVED living abroad but you get homesick after a while - even now after more than 10 years I still do sometimes. I went home every year over Christmas (or New Year), until we had DD. Why do you not want her to come home? It's quite hard to move away from home, you miss friends and family, and it's nice to see them over Christmas, when pretty much every one else will go home to see their family too. She's likely to end up all by herself if she doesn't come home. I'd plan for her to come back, book flights as early as you can to get them cheaper.

If you can get a flexible ticket that seems a reasonable compromise especially with the 90th birthday later in the year. The other thing you might need to consider is whether she will want to apply for internships and if so to check the application cycle. I remember having phone interviews while abroad which was fine but I had to make the decision whether to come back for assessment centres or not. I could do that without too much financial pain or hassle because I was in Europe but obviously the costs would be far greater for the states. It’s a hard balancing act between getting the most out of the year abroad and getting access to some of the programmes that can lead to grad schemes.

My first Christmas away from home was after my Dad died - I'd been hosting Christmas for many years by then. It's not Christmas at home when your Dad isn't there. I was late 40s

I have no idea why you would want a family member to spend Christmas alone when they don't have to. And I had major issues with my mum.