To think a year abroad is a year abroad?

[Iused2BanOptimist]

DD1 age 20 is excitedly preparing for an academic year at uni in Canada as part of her degree. She announced the other day she will be home for Christmas. Student loans will pay for two trips on top of the actual there and back apparently. But it all adds to the overall debt and anyway that's not really my point. I just assumed that her year away (which won't be a full year anyway as the academic year is September to April, she'll probably travel a bit and come home in June or July as she has Uni stuff to do here in July) would more or less mean a year away. Her good friend at Uni has gone to Australia and due to the different term times is there already. She won't be coming home for Christmas. It's not that I won't want to see her, but I think it's a bit of a rite of passage, first Christmas away from home. I'd really expect that she'd make friends and plan to do stuff over there. Also flights are really expensive at that time of year, even if it does go on the student loan. Is it a bit mean of me to discourage her from coming back for Christmas? So far I was just surprised and said "oh really?" so I don't think I've put my foot in it yet.

If she travels this week, yes whistler? Stays in back packers accommodation she won’t be alone at Christmas.
Does she feel obliged to come home? I would ask?

The first Xmas after I had left home my parents went away on holiday for Xmas and New Year and I was on my own in a shitty student flat and had a terrible time as everybody else was at home with their families.

Do you want that for your daughter?

My DS had a ticket home from his North American university for Xmas the year he was there, but didn’t use it so was a giant waste. We got a tiny amount of tax back.

We did do our main family holiday to where he was and met other British parents who had done the same so did not go the whole time without seeing him. Could you plan something like that in?

When i was studying i came back, is perhaps a little different though as lost a relative in November i came back for the funeral for and so it felt natural to go back and help the family also.

But most people i know went back. Spring break and after was the maim traveling time.

The story of the Chinese girl is desperately sad. Imagine not being visited by your parents in hospital.

I also did a year abroad in France. I also went home for the holidays.

She'll have nowhere to stay as her dorm will shut. Also nothing to eat and no means of cooking food for the whole Christmas break (maybe four weeks?) if she is in a rented room. And nobody to talk to or do anything with as her Canadian friends and even international students will all be home. It may well live in her memory as the Christmas when she was introduced to Chinese turkey

Getting the most out of the experience of studying abroad doesn't necessarily mean extracting every last ounce of experience out of it.

You do sound a bit harsh really. On my year abroad I came home for Christmas and was desperate to- I think I changed my flights to come back a bit earlier because I was missing the British run-up to Christmas as there was nothing where I was. I had an amazing time overall but I needed that pause to come home and refresh. For people that didn’t come home, it was generally because the flight cost was prohibitive. I find it a bit sad that you talk about missing the first Christmas as some sort of badge of independence. That is something that lots of older people in long-term relationships struggle with when they have to go to the in-laws let alone a 20 year old who has been away from home all term.

When I did my year abroad (in Europe) I came home about four times during the year, including at Christmas and Easter, and also for a funeral. Admittedly I was much nearer but I would have expected to come back at least once if I had been in Australia or similar and maybe even twice if in the US/Canada, depending on finances and whether there was something more exciting to do with the money.

I did a year in the states when I was 18 as part of my degree.

Didn't come home for Christmas. Bought an amtrak an a greyhound travel pass and spent three weeks travelling around the country on my own.

This was 1995.

Made me not fear travelling anywhere on my own and since then have done stints backpacking in Asia, South AMerica and travelled through India and Russia - on my own :-)

Ds is just finishing his year abroad. He couldn’t come home at Christmas as country he was as in didn’t celebrate Christmas so it was still term time

I’d be so happy if he could have come home for Christmas.

It’s too long not to see him

Aw come on op, she’s your daughter! I did a year abroad and came home for a bit over the summer and then again at Christmas (we went Feb - Feb). admittedly it was cheaper as it was short haul. I found my year abroad really tough especially the first six months so it was very reassuring for me to have a welcome base at home to go back to.

If I were you I’d be flying out there and spending it with her! I’d love to go to Canada.

It's been really good to hear different experiences and views. Tbh I hate thinking about Christmas in July so I really hadn't thought about it until DD mentioned it. I guess we'll just get that return and if she changes her mind have to take the hit and see if the dates can be changed. I'm not so hard, I had been toying with the idea of getting her home for a short break in February as it is my Mother's 90th Birthday the same weekend as DD's 21st, so if she comes home for Christmas I think the Birthday won't be an option. But if we choose the right ticket maybe we will be able to change a Christmas return to February if she decides to stay there for Christmas.

Ps. I don't know why I mentioned the Chinese girl at school, she just popped into my memory as I was thinking about other people's experiences. But we all felt really sorry for her. And her parents came over to see her that summer after her accident. 🙂

I'm 23, live 300 miles from home with a good job and a LT P and am still yet to have an Xmas away from my mums ... it's Christmas, for family.

Op, I’ve been thinking of your thread and I just wanted to add that your daughter being in Canada will be a ‘travel experience’ for her. It doesn’t have to mean someone flinging on a backpack and setting off to one place after another.

All of my lot were international students 1000’s of kms away from home for periods up to 4 years and they all did it differently yet now they’re all much older they seem to have done the same amount of traveling. They just all did it at different stages of their life.

I did a year abroad as an undergrad, it was my first big trip and living in another country (haven't stopped since, life changing experience).

I went to California, so quite a long way to go when first leaving home! I did it in style!

I had a return trip booked for Christmas, it was an awful trip back! The weather, the sudden lack of interesting exciting life and my new me. Some of the international students stayed, no one was on their own, some booked trips together, some were invited to spend the holidays with families of friends, some booked solo travel joining an organised group. They all had a wonderful time and I would really recommend this. Absolutely will not be alone!

Those of us who travelled back couldn't wait to get back, I changed my travel dates to be back sooner. It's also a time to really grow up and see the world as a place can explore, developing huge independence and confidence that stay for life if embraced. So I think being there for holidays is a good idea and will be amazing fun. Plus, how often in life will she get to have that traditional holiday or not go far and be in dream destination ski places with local or international friends. Lots of international students will stay to enjoy and take advantage of the time.

I remember at the time it was a big deal for me to go so the idea of four months until coming back made it gentler, but I absolutely would not do it again that way, I didn't want to do it once I'd gotten there but the way my flights were booked meant I had to. Otherwise I would have much preferred to stay, it's incredibly precious time, I'd advise any student with the opportunity to absolutely make the most of it.

I'd also say make the year as long as possible, my visa was still valid throughout the summer, so when classes finish after this amazing time, take advantage! There's a good chance the place will become a second home, or very close to their heart, it's such an incredible opportunity and memorable time in life, so really make the most of it!

Maybe book a round trip (flexible) for the whole year, say get the Christmas flights nearer the time, once you know what you like to do, in case (hopefully!) you get an amazing opportunity and want to do that instead?

Seriously, she should enjoy it and really take advantage, it was one of the happiest and most personally defining and shaping times of my life! I never looked back:)

(Hello from the seventh country I've lived in, every single one has my heart and I'm fearless with opportunities, all because one day when I was really young I somehow found the courage to get on that plane!)

Oh, for the 21st, I had mine in California. We did a road trip down highway 101, amazing and unforgettable.

It makes for a special celebration to be overseas in an amazing life for that big milestone birthday.

I called home at the time I was born, super early in the morning, I said to my Dad, "I was born 21 years ago, now!" He answered sleepily, "Who's this?"

Happy days:)

I did a year abroad in Mexico and did not come home for xmas. My Mexican friends invited me to their houses. Was a great experience.

I went to Asia for a year abroad when I was 22. 6 months in, I met the man who is now my husband and I’ve lived abroad for almost ten years.

Now obviously I’m not saying this will happen to your DD. But if she wants to come gone for Christmas, be happy about it! Gosh I wish it was easier for me to spend Christmas with my family
Back home now.

Don’t book now, there is no need. West jet flights London to Vancouver seem pretty affordable even very last minute and there is also air transat, so there is really no need to book till closer to the time.

Maybe she just isn't sure of how much fun she'll have and so yes she won't be able to tell yet. And obviously money worries are fair enough to have but saying that you shouldn't let them override that your daughter wants to spend Christmas with you. Try and focus on that and you can figure out the money thing together

I too am going against the grain and am surprised she's considering returning, after only the first 3 months. Seems odd.

I live in Vancouver and have family in the UK and think flights are very expensive, but I guess it's all relative, plus we have to buy four tickets not one which obviously makes a difference.

Not sure which university your dd is going to but my ds just finished his first year at UBC and the first semester very challenging. My dd is off to a different university in September and so I've been to a few 'getting ready for university' talks and they all warn that the transition to university is difficult particularly the first semester and given that this is for children transferring from local schools I would imagine it applies even more for international students. Also as someone said earlier some universities will close over the Christmas break. There may be arrangements that can be made for students who can't go home but likely the university will be very dead. Also a lot of the international students will be quite wealthy (you need to be to pay the international fees) and so will go home. The students who come from or live in Vancouver will probably be working in the holidays too.

Maybe encourage her not to book the tickets yet and instead see what the lie of the land is like after a few weeks at uni - she might make friends who will also be staying and they can make rudimentary plans, but if she doesn't and she does need to book tickets won't be crazy expensive yet.

When I did my year abroad it was a non-Christmas celebrating country, so the holiday break wasn't until the end of January. Finding a bunch of random people I had nothing in common with but the urge to track down a turkey and fashion home made mincemeat for mince pies with was part of the rite of passage. Hopefully she'll find something similar (involving lots of snow!).

Thanks all. It's really interesting to hear everyone's experiences as I'm still with those who have made the most of their time with travel, new friends and new experiences although I get what Ihuntmonsters is saying. I wish we could go there for Christmas but money is tight and my job doesn't allow annual leave over the Christmas period, I'm lucky just to have the actual days off. It's really hard trying to plan to buy tickets as student loans will want to see evidence of actual tickets to refund and she's definitely planning more travel at the end of the academic year so pinning down firm dates for tickets feels limiting. I think I'm just going to go along with whatever she says for now but I'll be surprised if her plans don't change once she's there. This is the child who read Swallows and Amazons (age 8 or 9) and said "It's my dream, to be on holiday like that away from you!" I'm pretty sure she meant an independent camping trip with friends, not a determination to put as many miles as she could between herself and her family!! But her Uni is the other end of the country, she's done quite a few trips around Europe with her friends, she's ready for this, just feeling a bit nervous I think, and there is an awful lot to plan. The initial application process was tricky and she applied with her best friend and they hoped to go together but her friend was accepted for Australia and she got Canada so she hasn't got any friends from Uni to go with. There are a few others going and she hasn't made the effort to seek them out and get together so that's down to her, I told her she should but she has dismissed them as from the wealthy set and not her type so that's her problem really. I'll have another go at getting her to at least make Facebook friends and compare notes a little.

Also, since there are such helpful people on here can anyone recommend the best secure international delivery firm to use for her laptop? At the end she plans to send the bulk of her belongings home by courier so she can travel with a backpack. She also wants to send on her laptop which I think is sensible, less chance of it getting lost or stolen from her laptop. That can go separate from her clothes and stuff which can just go the cheapest way. Me thinking ahead about the unimportant stuff!