To think a year abroad is a year abroad?

[Iused2BanOptimist]

DD1 age 20 is excitedly preparing for an academic year at uni in Canada as part of her degree. She announced the other day she will be home for Christmas. Student loans will pay for two trips on top of the actual there and back apparently. But it all adds to the overall debt and anyway that's not really my point. I just assumed that her year away (which won't be a full year anyway as the academic year is September to April, she'll probably travel a bit and come home in June or July as she has Uni stuff to do here in July) would more or less mean a year away. Her good friend at Uni has gone to Australia and due to the different term times is there already. She won't be coming home for Christmas. It's not that I won't want to see her, but I think it's a bit of a rite of passage, first Christmas away from home. I'd really expect that she'd make friends and plan to do stuff over there. Also flights are really expensive at that time of year, even if it does go on the student loan. Is it a bit mean of me to discourage her from coming back for Christmas? So far I was just surprised and said "oh really?" so I don't think I've put my foot in it yet.

My sister did this but in America, she did the whole, I will be coming home for Christmas.

She spent it in Miami

Of course I'd love to go out there for Christmas but that's just not going to be possible. And if we did arrange it I wouldn't be surprised if she suddenly discovered there were other things she wanted to be doing! It's Vancouver she's going to, and as others have said, Whistler would be a pretty fab place to be but not all alone 😢 I guess I'll just not make a thing of it and see how it pans out for her. I've had to work over Christmas quite a lot of times when I was younger and we had fun and I suppose it's made me a bit less fixed in my idea of how it should be. Possibly she's feeling a bit worried now and it will be all change when she gets there. It's just a bit difficult organising flights as dates need to be planned for best prices etc The travel industry seems to deter all spontaneity or changes of mind these days unless you have deep pockets.

I did a year abroad (Australia) and spent xmas drunk on a beach . But I did travel with a friend who I spent the day with and some friends we had made. If she really wants to come home then let her but can she get a flexible ticket in case she changes her mind?

Seriously, if Whistler alone was my option I’d take it!!!!

I did a year abroad elsewhere in Europe and shared a flat with 4 other Europeans (German, French, Norwegian).

We all went back home for 2 weeks at Christmas.

Our youngest goes on her year abroad in September to Italy. We’re already looking at large villas so all the family and some friends can go out to visit in October. We’re very mindful of how homesick our friends daughter became and how much difference visits from home made. She’s planning to be home for the main holidays as she’ll want to see her friends, boyfriend and hopefully spare us a few days for funding it.
I can’t imagine at 20 she’ll want to spend Christmas anywhere but here.
We’ll go out a few times for long weekends to check all is well. We’ll take her siblings and boyfriend too. Other close friends of ours are looking to visit too. She’ll be so busy she won’t get a chance to practice Italian or be homesick.

That's useful to know Bonesy. I don't envisage her sitting alone in her Uni accommodation. I guess I haven't really thought too much about it, until she raised it. Of course it's lovely that she wants to be with us. I was her age when I had Christmas in Australia but I was staying with my sister so still with family.
I've got a feeling she'll change her mind once she's there so I had better start looking at flexible fares.
It's good to hear a range of views. Thanks.

I don't think she can possibly know what she would like to do at this stage. Please don't put pressure on her to decide what to do before she gets there to take advantage of cheaper flights; she really won't know.
Alternatively, you could insist on booking flight home now, and she will know that is what she is doing. Whatever. She may end up eternally grateful, or resentful forever.
Fwiw, my then 18 year old went to the US for her degree. For Thanksgiving, she went to stay with her roommate's family. I think they invited her for Christmas too, but she was very glad to come home.

I teach a lot of international students, and without fail they are desperate to get home for Christmas. I’ve had students (males in their 20s) in floods of tears because they can’t afford the flights/can’t get time off their part-time jobs/need to fly out before we break up because of prices and will miss an assessment or deadline.

I came home from my year abroad for both Christmas and Easter. Family time like that is important to me.

I went to boarding school and obviously home for every holiday and odd weekends but I remember being really confused by people who were homesick when I went to Uni. I suppose it hardens you. And there were people from abroad who only got to go home in the summer holidays. There was a Chinese girl who didn't go home for several years and just before the end of the summer term when she was due to go home she was hit by a car and broke her legs and spent the summer in traction in an orthopaedics ward, I used to go and visit her. I'm not saying any of that is good but I daresay it's left me with a less sympathetic attitude even though my two haven't boarded. She comes home from Uni about once a term as well as holidays so far.

Some people actually like their family OP.

I’m sad even thinking of not seeing my daughter for a year.

Some people actually like their family OP.

Yes and some parents want to be sure their kids get the most out of an opportunity and don't feel they must come home several times.

OP: mine all did periods abroad, either during or around degree courses. We took the line that whilst we would love to see them we didn't want them to miss out on the life and opportunities of being in the host culture. In practice all did come home for Christmas which has the big family and friends combined pull but did feel able to spend other holidays doing local stuff.
Give them the choice of feeling welcome to come home but encouraged to try new things as well.

I do too Staples! It will be a quiet Christmas within it her if she doesn't come back.

I don't think the chinese girls situation should make you less sympathetic to dd wanting to come home? It makes me feel sad that girl had pretty much no family.

I came home for Christmas on my year abroad, as did everyone I know. A couple of years later when I moved to SE Asia I didn't come home at all until I moved back to the UK. I think the difference was definitely the fact that universities close down for Christmas and everyone goes home.

I don't know anyone who came home on their year abroad. They all went to their new friends' families to experience Xmas there. But that was like a billion years ago when the internet was still on dial up.

Sorry, scrap that. I don't know anyone who was on their year abroad, outside of Europe, who went home.

Op, my daughter was many thousands of miles away from home for just over 4 years when she was at uni. She came home for every holiday and we paid for it. So about 12 return trips in all but if she’d wanted to do other travel we’d have paid for that also. She was an international student.

Going home for the holidays does not stop a person from having life experiences.

Sorry Op, she went to Canada once but she also came home during the same holiday.

I think that's a weird attitude, sorry OP. I am 38 and DH is 57, we live abroad and we come home for Christmas every year.

Yabu

She’s going to Canada. It’s not that far away and budget flights are available even to Vancouver. Australia is much further away and expensive to get to. Mind you I know lots of friends who went away for uni, said they’d come home st Xmas and changed their minds so don’t be dutifully she does this!

Would you consider visiting her for Xmas or new year? That way she won’t get into more debt

I’d want dd home for Christmas, I imagine most students will travel home.

I’d agree with Whistler suggestions alone or you going out too but the prices out there this Christmas are shocking, we go most years at one time or another and the price hike this year is

I don't envy you op. However she hasn't even got there yet. Can you afford contribute to the flight as a Xmas present?
I couldn't have coped with that quite honestly. My dd is 25. I am dreading that first Xmas without her.
If she's going to be having fun fine, but lonely, no. I couldn't cope.