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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not move DS's party?

59 replies

upsideup · 10/07/2018 14:41

Gave out invitations at school for DS's birthday party yesterday which was going to be on his actual birthday, we had booked and organised everything already but but only gave out the invites yesterday.

Another child in Ds's class (A) didnt invite ds to his party so we didnt know that his party was already arranged for the same day, their invites being sent out last friday. Child A's mum replied that A's party was on the same day so we cant have the party then anyway but that A will hopefully be able to come to the new date.

Rearranging the date would mean a lot of stress for us, the party wouldnt be able to be on his actual birthday and would mean family and friends who are travelling quite far would have to change plans also maybe mean DH wouldnt be able to be there as hes working away a lot in the next months.

AIBU to not change it? Some kids who got A's invite first will go to A's party which is fine with DS as he knows his two best school friends are comming to his and hes invited kids from out of school

OP posts:
user1471459936 · 10/07/2018 14:44

Don't move it. Utter madness.

notthisagain83 · 10/07/2018 14:54

Why does she think that you cant both have them on the same day?.. are they both at the same time.. If its and issue with numbers and your DS wanting people there that are already at the other party is would be inclined to see if i could change the time but if thats not possible and your DS is happy i'd reply advising you wont be changing the date and hope her DC has a great party!

henpeckedinchief · 10/07/2018 15:02

I guess she thought all your DS's friends would be coming to her DS's party and so assumed you would rearrange? But if your DS doesn't mind that some won't be there there's no reason why you should rearrange.

Original poster
upsideup · 10/07/2018 15:02

They overlap, I guess shes worried that kids her ds invited will go to my DS's instead.

OP posts:
RedSkyLastNight · 10/07/2018 15:04

Unless they are literally the same time this is very common. You will get some parents who leave one party early or arrive at the other late, but who really cares?

KC225 · 10/07/2018 16:40

Probably, parents will ask the kids which party they want to go to which is fine. I would try and pin down some RSVPs if I were you. Do keep in mind that the 'Oh we will do an hour at other kids party then leave early and come to yours brigade probably won't come to yours. Extracting kids from one party whilst everyone is still there to go to another is the stuff of fantasies. Don't change this year but maybe have a quick word next year.

SamanthaH92 · 10/07/2018 16:43

Don't move the party just because she says so. Its tuff, how were you supposed to know her kids party was the same day?!

15star · 10/07/2018 16:43

Her reply is so rude!! I woujld reply "who said I'm changing the date?" Fwiw my Dd party clashes with another kid in her class this year but neither of us have suggested the other changes the date

knowledgeofnone · 10/07/2018 16:53

When my dd was in p1 we had a party and I didn't know at the time but there were 2 other parties the same day, one was a whole class party in the morning and the other was a boys only party (not sure of time) and our party was in the afternoon with whole class invited (30 kids). In the end about 15 came which was more than enough and all her close friends came and I send dd to the morning party so I could get things sorted. I didn't find out till later that there was a whole fb group with a huge chat about how we should be talking to each other and moving parties to help the parents, don't move anything people who want to come will come!!

Original poster
upsideup · 10/07/2018 16:54

Okay thanks, I won't move it. I was worried there was some kind of rule that because her kids invites went out first we were being rude to have ours on the same day.

OP posts:
greendale17 · 10/07/2018 16:56

Who does she think she is saying you can’t have the party on the same date.

I would t cancel

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 10/07/2018 17:00

By what if the best friends have already rsvpd yes to the other party? It would be really rude for them to drop out. I would make it earlier or later tbh

Original poster
upsideup · 10/07/2018 17:04

His two best friends parents knew about our party date before as I checked they could come on that date before we set it so they havent rsvpd yes to the invite they last friday.

OP posts:
Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 10/07/2018 17:06

Tough titty.
Your ds has had that birthday for years. Hardly going to change the party date to suit a cf dm!!

NoSquirrels · 10/07/2018 17:06

I’d have a quick check with your DS’s best friends parents just to check they can come & habent RSVPed to the other party instead. But as long as you have a few coming, and family & out of school friends, it’s just one of those things, isn’t it? Everyone will do what they think best, and next year you can double-check birthday plans with each other (or share a party!)

SleepWarrior · 10/07/2018 17:11

I think I'd just ignore her preposterous request and reply something like

"Obviously a shame that x won't be able to make it on the 45th but I hope he has a lovely birthday party too. Upside"

PurpleCrazyHorse · 10/07/2018 17:18

Make a mental note to check next year particularly if this child has overlapping friends with yours. DD is now in Y4 and we know the kids that have birthdays around hers (she's a summer holiday birthday), so I've noted kids with July and September birthdays. I then just drop a text to the relevant parent if I think there could be a clash, just to check we don't (or now DD is older, just get her to ask the relevant kid).

However, no bother to have overlapping parties, it's the way of the world. Definitely get some RSVPs confirmed though and I agree that you might not get some kids who say they're going to do both.

PorkFlute · 10/07/2018 17:20

I’d just reply saying that’s a shame and that ds wants the party on his birthday so you won’t be able to rearrange. End with a cheery hope x has a lovely party. What a cheeky fucker not even asking but ASSUMING you would change the day to suit her!

Knittedfairies · 10/07/2018 17:24

You’re quite right not to move the party, especially when it’s on your son’s actual birthday. No-one has exclusive use of a day...

DailyMailFail101 · 10/07/2018 17:25

I wouldn’t cancel it but I’d be very aware that if people have already said yes to the first party you may not get as many guests to yours.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 10/07/2018 17:25

I would respond as though she hadn't essentially ordered you to rearrange. "That's a shame that X can't make it. I hope he has a great party. If you like we can check dates with each other before booking next year's parties so that we know both of our boys will be available to attend either party."

user546425732 · 10/07/2018 17:26

Child A's mum replied that A's party was on the same day so we cant have the party then anyway but that A will hopefully be able to come to the new date.

What a CF! It's not her place to tell you that you can't have the party then.

Cawfee · 10/07/2018 17:28

Don’t move it. If you’re filling the party with family and non school friends anyway then who cares. Just do what you want and what suits your family best. Message the other mum “thanks for letting me know about the party clash but unfortunately we are unable to change our plans. We have family travelling from far away and everybody has accommodation booked and paid for. We will be sticking with our party date/time and totally understand that your child can’t make it. Hope you have a great party too”

Confusedbeetle · 10/07/2018 17:29

Nope dont move it

SweetieP1e · 10/07/2018 17:41

Don't move it. I just had to do this due to a booking issue and it was stressful. You said there's an overlap; is your ds's first or second? If it's second you could just 'light-heartedly' say people can still do both, leave one a little early and arrive at the other a little late. We had people arrive 40mins late to dd's party with either no reason or having a dance class earlier. DD was just happy to see themGrin. Just smile sweetly and let her do the worrying.

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