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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not move DS's party?

59 replies

upsideup · 10/07/2018 14:41

Gave out invitations at school for DS's birthday party yesterday which was going to be on his actual birthday, we had booked and organised everything already but but only gave out the invites yesterday.

Another child in Ds's class (A) didnt invite ds to his party so we didnt know that his party was already arranged for the same day, their invites being sent out last friday. Child A's mum replied that A's party was on the same day so we cant have the party then anyway but that A will hopefully be able to come to the new date.

Rearranging the date would mean a lot of stress for us, the party wouldnt be able to be on his actual birthday and would mean family and friends who are travelling quite far would have to change plans also maybe mean DH wouldnt be able to be there as hes working away a lot in the next months.

AIBU to not change it? Some kids who got A's invite first will go to A's party which is fine with DS as he knows his two best school friends are comming to his and hes invited kids from out of school

OP posts:
HeebieJeebies456 · 10/07/2018 17:48

Child A's mum replied that.... A will hopefully be able to come to the new date

Cheekyfuckery considering A didn't even bother inviting your dc to the party he's having!

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 10/07/2018 17:50

As long as you're not bothered by some who will be at A's of course you shouldn't move it. She didn't even tell you A's birthday would be on that day so it's hardly your fault they clash.

LeighaJ · 10/07/2018 17:51

HeebieJeebies456

"Cheekyfuckery considering A didn't even bother inviting your dc to the party he's having!"

Totally agree.

I wouldn't move it either.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 10/07/2018 17:54

Is it the same time too?
A bit of flexibility - if possible - on both your parts to make sure they don't completely clash wouldn't be a bad thing in terms of making sure both children have the party they are hoping for.
Her attitude's horrid though. It isn't a given that you would rearrange by any means.

CoffeeOrSleep · 10/07/2018 20:15

Don't move yours!

Just reply something like "I can't move [DS]'s party, so sorry [A] will miss it but understand. Next year we'll have to coordinate to avoid a clash!"

BlackberryandNettle · 10/07/2018 22:16

Agree with coffee, I'd say something like thanks for advising me of the overlap, all booked so we we'll go ahead but will check to avoid clashes in future.

emmyrose2000 · 11/07/2018 03:41

Don't move your party. The other mother is very arrogant and rude.

but that A will hopefully be able to come to the new date
Had you even invited A to your party? It's even more CF on the mother's part to assume so otherwise!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/07/2018 04:15

Hold on, she didn't even invite your child to her child's party, but she wants you to move your son's party so her son can go to that?
Fuck offffff.

No, don't move it. It sounds like your DS will have plenty of people there anyway.

Cheeky mare!

Honeyroar · 11/07/2018 04:26

Just text back, "don't worry, I'm sure he'll manage without A. Hope he has a lovely party.x"

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/07/2018 05:03

Cheeky mare. So presumptuous. That she makes you question etiquette about a school party says more about her than it does about you. I note she didn’t offer to invite your ds seeing as according to her he’d now be available now.

LellyMcKelly · 11/07/2018 05:38

Don’t even reply.. She can’t tell you what you can and can’t do! That’s bonkers.

AJPTaylor · 11/07/2018 05:46

is the party early in Sept? or the holidays?
if so, please send a reminder to those who have accepted a week before the party. voice of experience here!

flumpybear · 11/07/2018 05:46

I wouldn't change either

Is your party starting earlier or later than A's party?'

MyOtherProfile · 11/07/2018 05:52

What time are the two parties? My kids have occasionally had two parties in one day and just went to both.

PatheticNurse · 11/07/2018 05:55

There was an ideal thread a few weeks back. Not sure on the outcome.

yakari · 11/07/2018 05:59

I wouldn't change but I'd be aware there will be playground gossip - probably initiated by her, given how she phased the original response! CF...
I'd keep everything light and breezy and keep the high ground and you've got a completely reasonable justification to not move dates.
So something like... 'Such a shame A cant join, but DH is traveling later this month so DS's party will stay on the original date. Hope A has a lovely birthday and see you soon' and then when anyone says anything repeat repeat repeat....

Pengggwn · 11/07/2018 05:59

I wouldn't even answer her.

PrivateDoor · 11/07/2018 06:02

I would probably at least try to contact the venue to see if it can be altered slightly so they don't overlap but if its a no then I would just leave it as is. I would only do that for the sake of the kids who would like to be at both. Some people will already have RSVP'd to her party so will have to miss yours which is a shame for them and your ds. I would completely ignore the CF though!!

Cherrysherbet · 11/07/2018 06:26

No, don't change it. If you are happy that ds has his two best friends there, and he is too, then there is no problem.

OliviaStabler · 11/07/2018 06:30

Don't move it, not when family and friends all know about it and are making an effort to travel to be there.

AndInOtherNews · 11/07/2018 06:39

This happened to us a couple of years ago. We changed ours but only because the party taking place on the same day was a joint one for 3 of my dd's classmates- the whole class was invited, the invitation came home the day before we were sending ours out. It wasn't a lot of stress to change ours though and to be honest I felt we had no choice. I wouldn't change it in your situation.

sleepytiger · 11/07/2018 06:46

It would be crazy to move it

huha · 11/07/2018 07:03

This happened to me once. I moved my party time to be before the other party. Other party mum claimed mistake and invited my dd to her dd's party (then didn't come to my dd party stating that her dd "was overwhelmed by her own upcoming party" 🙄).

Lesson learned? Don't change your party.

Cinderbelly · 11/07/2018 07:13

Op I would definately reply that you were not moving the party date (using a friendly tone as suggested upthread) so that it's very clear. In my experience CF's will assume silence means compliance with her request.

I would be worried about CF telling other parents on your behalf in the playground that you've changed the date to ensure her DS gets a good turn out round here people get a bit mental about play dates and there are definately some mums who would sabotage another kids party so if you can get to the school and try to pin down some rsvps I would do that - even if it's just to double check with his best friends parents

Hope your DS has a lovely party

butlerswharf · 11/07/2018 07:16

Definitely ignore her!

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