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to be really upset and hurt by dp's comments

62 replies

namechangerasscared · 27/05/2007 16:50

Ok I am a regular m'ner but have changed my name as am really ashamed by my situation. My dp keeps going on about my weight (i am about 2 stone overweight) and when i eat things he says things like "are you sure you need that" I find it really hurtful, now he has suggested i join a gym, but we have 5 children and really dont think i could find the time energy or even inclination to start going to the gym? AIBU or selfish. another thing is he complains about ahem down there and keeps not so subtly suggesting i do some more pelvic floor exercises so that "he can feel something down there" I feel really upset and hurt and also a little ashamed

OP posts:

pageturner · 27/05/2007 16:55

Blimey, he's a charmer isn't he?!


lissie · 27/05/2007 16:55

sounds nice how long have you been together?


Thelittlesoldiersmummy · 27/05/2007 16:55

What an arse sorry but I know how you feel although my DH says things not to hurt but does he was talking about a building this morning and said it was massive with a little entry then said a bit like you! and wondered why I got upset! I really do think that they forget to think sometimes x


Jaspermatthews · 27/05/2007 16:56

love, you have 5 children, of course going to the gym isn't the first thing on your mind.

do you think you need to do pelvic floor exercises? they are easy to do.

of ourse i mean that your dp is nasty by saying these things too. hope you are ok?


Jaspermatthews · 27/05/2007 16:58

does he give you any free time to maybe go out alone? so you ould go out to exercise if you wanted to?


DeviousDaffodil · 27/05/2007 16:58

Poor you. Men can be so unkind, this is bordering on bullying behaviour.
If he starts again ask him if he is willing to look after kids while you go to gym/ out etc. He is undermining your self esteem.
Do you want to loose weight?
If you don't tell him to get stuffed. As for down ther maybe he is not BIG enough to touch the sides!


namechangerasscared · 27/05/2007 17:01

we have been togther for 2 and a half years only 1 of the dc's are his the other 4 are from a previous relationship.

i do feel that sex isnt the same as it used to be but tbh doubt pelvic floor exercises will make much difference

OP posts:

Judy1234 · 27/05/2007 17:02

Poor you. No one would agree he's approaching this right. May be there are ways he can help you lose the two stone though. Does he need to lose weight too? You could do it together.
If he's not happy with the sex I suppose at least he's communicating. More oral sex?


Jaspermatthews · 27/05/2007 17:02

you ould try, apparently they take time to they feel weak to you iykwim?


namechangerasscared · 27/05/2007 17:04

he doesnt like me going out much as it is his house we moved into and he is very particular about keeping it clean and tidy. But he said he wouldn't mind washing up after dinner one night a week for me so I could go to the gym if I wanted.

I do sometimes wee a little when i laugh too, but surely that is fairly normal after 5 children???

OP posts:

namechangerasscared · 27/05/2007 17:06

He is quite overweight too but doesn't seem to think thats a roblem!

OP posts:

DeviousDaffodil · 27/05/2007 17:07

He sounds like a control freak to me.
I f your pelvic floor musclees are that weak see your GP.
There are electric toners that you can get.This may help.
Washing up once a week what a hero.


namechangerasscared · 27/05/2007 17:07

Don't get me wrong, i love dp very very much but he can be very demmanding and quite difficult

OP posts:

rantinghousewife · 27/05/2007 17:09

Ask when the fk is he going to get round to attending to his weight problem!! That should shut him up.


namechangerasscared · 27/05/2007 17:09

I really do want to please him though. what are electric toners? how do they work? could be an idea

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duchesse · 27/05/2007 17:10

I think he's being an absolute arse.

Even if he thought he was helping you (which from here doesn't look the case given the "down there" comments) he's going about it in very very much the wrong way.

Tell him all he's doing is hurting your feelings and making you feel bad about yourself.

Then tell him if he's so unhappy about the way you look, he's to be in three evenings a week so that you can go out and rediscover who you are without the children around. You just meet your girlfriends in the pub, go to an evening class, or do whatever you want: you're a grown-up and can make your own decisions about whether or not you want to lose weight, and should not have to put up with [email protected] like that. Sorry. He is BU.


Chugnuts · 27/05/2007 17:14

Maybe the reason he can't "feel something down there" is because his penis is too small.


SuGaRCoAteDPoiSOn · 27/05/2007 17:14

maybe the reason he has issues with 'down there' is because he has a small winkie?


Jaspermatthews · 27/05/2007 17:15

are you happy with your sex life?


Desiderata · 27/05/2007 17:21

He's undermining you. If you allow this to continue, you will fall into a cycle of emotional abuse. You'll end up believing him, you'll end up feeling like crap, and your dc may even begin to emulate his behaviour if they perceive that it has the ability to make you upset.

Please, don't fall any further into this submissive behaviour. You are a unique human being, the mother of five children, and you MUST HAVE RESPECT for that!!

Knee him in the bollocks. HARD.

The man's being an insensitive arse-wipe.


GiantSquirrelSpotter · 27/05/2007 17:23

I'm sorry what do you mean he washes up "for me"?

Is it not his house too? He's doing it for himself and his household, not for you. You sound like such a doormat that I'm wondering if you're for real tbh. If you are, apologies for doubting you. But he is treating you with total contempt and you appear to be accepting it as normal. It really isn't.

I'd be more worried about his attitude to me, than my weight or my pelvic floor. Having said that, I agree with the going to see the GP and tell him that if he's that bothered about it, you expect him to look after the children of the house 3 times a week minimum so that you can go and exercise and lose some weight.

I doubt if he'll agree to it, because generally, men who make remarks like this to their partners, don't want them to lose weight, look better and gain confidence; they want them to stay fat so that they continue to make them feel bad about themselves.


namechangerasscared · 27/05/2007 17:23

yes i am quite hapy with sex life, only prob is dp wants to have sex quite a lot, sometimes twice a day and sometimes am so tired would rather just a cuddle an kiss

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GiantSquirrelSpotter · 27/05/2007 17:25

If he wants to have sex twice a day with you, he can't find you that revolting, so why do you think he makes all the cruel comments?


namechangerasscared · 27/05/2007 17:25

i just feel as he has taken on the other children which aren't his as his own i owe him a lot and try to do my best for him, sorry if that makes me a "doormat"

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duchesse · 27/05/2007 17:26

Have to say this sounds like the sort of thing my sister's ex would say. She was emotionally abused for 7 years before deciding to leave him, but that's another saga.

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