to be really upset and hurt by dp's comments

[namechangerasscared]

Ok I am a regular m'ner but have changed my name as am really ashamed by my situation. My dp keeps going on about my weight (i am about 2 stone overweight) and when i eat things he says things like "are you sure you need that" I find it really hurtful, now he has suggested i join a gym, but we have 5 children and really dont think i could find the time energy or even inclination to start going to the gym? AIBU or selfish. another thing is he complains about ahem down there and keeps not so subtly suggesting i do some more pelvic floor exercises so that "he can feel something down there" I feel really upset and hurt and also a little ashamed

[Marls001]

From his comments, I'd say that he is emotionally abusing you.

Whether or not you looked different when you first married.

Whether or not you need to actually lose weight.

Whether or not he "feels something down there."

None of these things really matter.

What matters is the way he's getting these messages across - and the fact that they're so important to him, that he mentions them all the time!

Please consider that his comments don't mean ANYTHING except that he is currently being mean and small-minded. I would say from experience this situation has much more to do with him - his own insecurities - than with you.

And the bottom line is - really - how YOU feel about YOURself. If it ain't broke then there's no need to fix it. You don't sound broke to me.

I was in a 2-year relationship during which my DP told me I was fat, frequently. He told me I was unathletic and stupid. If I got upset by any of it he'd say, "Quit being a baby."

I was 8 stone at the time, had been skiing and running most of my life, & knew deep down I had every right to be hurt - that there was a proper way - a loving way - of saying things - the right way to talk to one's DP - but I could never articulate any of this!!

You are not the problem. The truth never mattered to my ex. He was seeing what he wanted to see, making it up, trying to isolate & control me. And even if you have a high BMI, who cares??? It's your DP's duty to love you for just who you are.

Please don't feel bad about yourself or feel you need to please him or cater to any of his ridiculous suggestions.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

Could you ask your DH to look after your 5 children while you go to the gym? If he can't, he might understand why you can't find the time either. If he can, I think you should go for it. The first few sessions will be a drag but once you get into it you'll feeel so full of energy. And he could have phrased things in a more sensitive way.

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

Just read more of the thread. So DH would absolve you of your washing up duties so you can go to the gym. Once a week...

I think he's being quite nasty if he's made you feel you owe him so much for loving your children and sharing his house that he can now talk to you in such an unkind way.

[tiredemma]

What a SHIT.

Tell him to do the evening 'chores' so you can go out for a walk/jog ( I bet he will decline that offer)

Insensitive shite- he sounds like a dream to live with


And wanting to have sex twice a day with you? He cant think that you are that bad, ditto what everyone else says- tell the prick to grow a bigger prick. Bloody idiot.

[Furrymummy]

Tell him "well you are ugly, but at least I can lose weight!"

Sorry but he is an insensitive twat. 2 stone overweight is not a huge amount. If you lose weight make sure you are doing it for yourself, not because other people criticise your appearence. And well done for bringing up 5 kids - you must have tonnes of energy! Remember fat people can be fit and thin people can be unfit.

[helenhismadwife]

namechange I agree with what most people are saying he is an arse and sounds like my ex, I think even if you loose the weight and tighten the fanjo he would find something else to belittle and abuse you with, and that is what he is doing. If you want to loose weight do it for yourself not for him, I would also tell him that his comments are not acceptable and not supportive.

[LaurieFairyCake]

What an old thread - why revive it babyjane2 ???

just to tell us about your broken vagina?

[GypsyMoth]

???

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

he doesnt like me going out much as it is his house we moved into and he is very particular about keeping it clean and tidy

WTF has you going out got to do with you having moved into his house?

Does your hero pull his weight keeping said house clean and tidy, and does he undertake all of the maintenance (general repairs, painting/decorating/gardening etc)?

Is he employed, or is he at home lolling around all day waiting for his next meal. Does he show you any physical affection without expecting it to lead to a shag?

It very much sounds as if you are being undermined by a controlling twunt, and my concern is how he behaves towards his and your dc.

[MarinaIvy]

Ya know, Women's Self-Defence classes are pretty good for fitness and weight loss. And can give you some very useful skills which you can then "share" with your DH.

Just sayin'!

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

Well-spotted, Laurie.