To be irritated by my mother-in-law who deliberately leaves bright pink lipstick kiss marks on my baby?

[MammaBell]

She does it every time we/she visits and when I wipe it off she will laugh and then do it immediately again. Just yesterday we visited and as soon as we walked in the door she applied her lipstick and gave my DD a huge kiss on the forehead and said "there you are, there's your lipstick" so I immediately began rubbing it off and politely said to her "please don't leave lipstick on her" and she replied "you stop rubbing it off as I'll just keep doing it, all over her head" and she chuckled away. I said "I'm asking you not to do that as I don't like it and I doubt she does either" and she laughed and waved her hand dismissively at me and walked away. I just can't understand why she wants to do that? I think it's tacky and no adult would want to go about with lipstick marks on their face and head! I make an effort to care about keeping my baby clean and presentable, so it's irritating that she wants to leave pink lip mark blotches all over her. I just don't get it lol and I don't know how to get through to her so she stops doing it. I know it seems trivial but it gets under my skin every weekend grrrrrr .

@mammabell where is her son/daughter when this is happening? maybe you need to tell them to have a word, because clearly yours isnt getting through.

failing that, if it bothers you so much, leave next time she does it. its rude and disrespectful if youve said not to.

I do leave lipstick marks on my gc sometimes but it’s not because I mean to. I give it a quick wipe myself but tend to hug my grandchildren rather then kiss anyway as it’s nicer.

Your mil sounds very silly op it would annoy me and she seems like she’s doing it on purpose which is quite nasty.

Honestly it’s hard to advise you apart from ignore it but again why should you?

That makes me feel a bit sick.

I'd get really assertive and a bit loud so everyone could hear "OMG can you please STOP that, I have asked you LOADS, why do you keep doing it, it's so grim!" Then walk off so you don't have to see the shocked faces. My ex in laws were a bit "we can do what we want with our grandchild" kind of way and the above very direct manner was the only thing that worked. People like that thrive on your politeness. Stop being polite.

Buy an identical lipstick, remove cap, wind up and pop in her handbag
'so annoying when lipsticks gets everywhere'

Just ignore it. It's only lipstick!

First baby op? I'd recommend you try to relax a little unless there is some big back story you haven't revealed to us.

As PPs have said: Marking her territory, putting her stamp on her GD.
She sounds a pain, try 'Why exactly do you do that? It's like branding a baby animal!'
I'm guessing this isn't your only concern with merrily chuckling MiL!

You originally made an unnecessary fuss.

She is delibrately winding you up.

You both sound a bit dickish in this scenario.

I agree with a pp, who said she’s trying to stamp her authority on your child. Ewwww.

Put your hand in front of her face (preferably with a flannel/wipe in your hand) just as she’s about to put some more smackaroos on your dcs face. Tell her you won’t tolerate it anymore because cosmetics and lipstick aren’t recommended for babies skin and your dc had some red patches after her last visit. Sometimes little lies are good.

Surely you should leave the lipstick on, hand dd over to mil. It will surely get all over mil's clothes?

Anything non-irritating you can put on her head that tastes awful?

My DD had something you put on your nails so you didn't bite them for a time. Tasted horrendous. Stuck on your lips for ages too so everything tasted of it for a couple of hours.

Though as I say that, might be a bit OTT

"You originally made an unnecessary fuss."

How so?

Doesn't want lipstick deliberately putting on her baby & asked MIL not to do so.

And MIL replied that she would carry on-for the sake off pissing off Op.

Who would do that & why?

Can you cut down stop visits Op?

@thricethebrindledcat

🤣

No as a mil I think the op isn’t being pfb at all. If the mil did it accidentally then fine but to do it again to leave the mark is quite creepy actually.

My sympathy is all for the op here.

She's been vindictive and is doing the granny equivalent of pissing all over your baby. Marking her property. This would make me rage. And the dismissive shooing you away is too much.

Next time before she gets close enough to kiss, say 'You're not to kiss her with lipstick on. It's bad for her skin. I have mentioned this many times now.' Then turn away.

This isn't about lipstick though, this is about being repeatedly asked not to do something and she over rules you about your baby.

My FIL did try this several times, not lipstick but ignoring me/Dh about our child, when I tried to discuss it his exact words were I will do as I like, end of discussion.

At that point I got up, Dh followed me and we left their house. MIL ran after us to the drive, I put Ds into the car, locked the door and shut it so they couldn't get to him, and we drove home.

Your child, your rules. Your Dh needs to talk to her. He brought his circus you bring yours. So when there is a problem with MILs it is up to your Dh to sort it.

Mine told his parents straight. And sadly for them it was the last time they babysat for us because if we couldn't trust them when we were there, what stuff did they ignore when we weren't?

ElectricSeal may you be an example to all mners who need big girl's pants!!

Weird - I would avoid her. Does she get cold sores? If yes, show her the NHS website which says its dangerous to kiss babies if you get coldsores.

Buy a lipstic and do the same to her. You guys will have a right laugh and she will surely stop.

I wouldn;t want someone putting lipstick on a baby's skin, and then it will be sore if you have to keep wiping it off - it will rubs her delicate skin.
I'd use that as an argument for your mother - 'you'll make her skin sore, why would you want to do that ?'

She's being ridiculous, and if she can't behave like a grown up, then she doesn't get to kiss your baby at all, or she doesn;t come in until she's wiped her lipstick off.

Oh - just seen it is MIl not DM - I agree, she is trying to stamp her authority. She has no authority. She si there visiting your child by your invitation. Invitations can be withdrawn if people do stuff to your baby that you don;t like.

It is weird that she feels the need to do this, it's like she's marking her territory.
I'd hold baby close and not let her kiss them.

This would give me the absolute rage. She is very deliberately doing something that’s upsetting you. How very disrespectful. What is your DH’s view? I would expect him to tell her to stop this nonsense immediately. If he didn’t I would tell her one last time that she must not do this or she doesn’t get to visit anymore. I hate it when people kiss babies’ faces anyway as a friend of my mother lost her baby when baby caught a cold sore from a relative who kissed her, after being told not to. She may not be kissing her on the lips but it would still freak me out and her response to you would tell me that she thinks she can do what she likes regardless of your wishes, so I wouldn’t ever trust her with babysitting either.

But again it’s creepy

I'm on number 5 so definitely no PFBism at all but that would piss me off.

YANBU at all.