I'm 99% sure I'm not.

[mumpatrol]

Have 2 DCs with DP both boys and both very much wanted and loved. However I know that DP and both sets of DGPs hoped for a girl when I was pregnant with DS2 (obviously they love both DCs the same and it's not a huge deal but I know they all hoped for a girl) - I wasn't fussed either way.

I found the first few months with DS1 extremely hard and looking back probably had mild undiagnosed PND. DS2 has been a lot different and I've coped a lot better but mainly struggling with sleep as he's still a baby and I'm EBF so all wakings are on me.
Since he was born I've had "are you going to try for a girl next?" From (albeit lovely) MIL who currently has 5DGCs who are all boys and both DGMs asking if they'll get to buy little dresses in the near future and other general remarks about hoping for a DGD.
DP has also asked to have another DC and by the sounds of it also in the hopes of having a girl - I know he will love a boy too but he's often talked about wanting one of each.

I've told him after DC2 that I'm done and happy with 2 DCs. He still often jokes about having another or jokes and talks about having a girl next. I know he'd love another DC as he's expressed if enough.
Also SIL cannot and does not want to have anymore and I know that in MILs eyes it has defaulted me as a last hope to have a DGD which is probably where the comments are coming from.

Realistically I'm happy with 2, I'm glad knowing that after this one I will not have to go through anymore sleep regressions and I'm just thankful for two OK pregnancies and 2 lovely DCs. And I know since I don't want another that should be it and end of the topic as its my body and all that jazz.

Then why do I feel myself questioning my decision and sometimes wanting to just make DP happy and try for another and wondering if I'll regret not doing it down the line?

AIBU to just tell him that I don't want to hear any more allusions about another DC and to tell everyone to stop asking?

it’s always a 50/50 chance

Is it though? Don't some men have more female sperm than male sperm etc? Or is all their sperm divided equally

Tell them straight that you are not having any more DC and to stop taking about it.

YANBU. At all.

I know that DH regrets we didn't have more than 2. And I'm a bit sad that he regrets that. But I do not for one iota of a second regret the decision not to have any more. I looked at the three of them when DD2 was three days old and remember very clearly thinking, that's it now, I'm done. She's nearly five and I haven't wavered from that once.

You stick to your guns OP. Let him talk about it. But don't let it bother you.

YA certainly most definitely not U.

People generally want to have a healthy child, not a particular sex. Nature doesn't work like that! It sounds like you know you are done- I think every woman gets to that point and you have reached it with 2 kids. If you were pressured into it and had another boy....what then? Also, it is your body and your mind. Having 3 is tough (I've got 3) and if you are not really wanting to have another child, the risk of getting PND is increased.

Buy your MIL one of those realistic horrible baby dolls for Christmas, she can dress it up as she wishes.

YANBU, and your MIL (as nice as she supposedly is!) is awful for saying that.

Don't go down that road of constantly trying and trying for a girl, coz it may never happen!

I know/have known many families with 4 or 5 boys, (even a couple with 6+ boys ,) but none with that many girls, and you just know (in most cases,) it's because they have been trying for a girl.

When someone has a girl (or 2) they usually stop, because most people (in the UK at least) seem to want a girl. It's like they don't mind if they have a boy, (after having a girl,) but they are happy to have just girls. Many people are not happy with just boys.

I am not saying they don't love their boys as much, and I know a few people with a girl and 2 boys, or a girl and 3 boys. They didn't mind having more boys, as long as they had at least ONE girl.

Don't know what it is; there's just something special about having a daughter ... especially for women. I have never met a woman yet, who didn't want a daughter. Not saying they are better than sons or will be loved more, but they are just desired more than sons in this country (and across much of the western world including America...)

And don't come on here telling me I am talking shit (coz I know some fucker will do that!) What I'm saying is true, whether you like it or not!

You cannot have children, with all the responsibility they bring, to satisfy someone else's desires.

The gendered way in which a potential DD is being discussed would simply be a further disincentive.

Apparently the PH levels of a woman's vagina can make it more likely for one sex of sperm to survive over the other.

This would really annoy me. Just say I am not having any more children, very happy with the two I have, in a firm calm voice and keep repeating it until they give up. If your DH doesn't get on board I would consider getting up noisily, lights on, bring baby into bed and feed him during the early hours. Some broken nights sleep might make him rethink pressuring you into having a 3rd baby.

chrisinthesun I desperately wanted sons, mainly due to toxic family reasons and wanted something totally diff from my own upbringing. Two dds here and very happy but I know of so many people why actively wanted only boys and people regularly say they "feel sorry" for DH being in a house with all women.

Not unreasonable in the slightest. As someone who has had those comments with every pregnancy bar my 1st, it does get you down. Plus there are definitely not any guarantees your next would be a girl. I speak as someone who has 5 girls and have constantly been asked if I will keep going until I have a boy. Wanting a boy isn't why I had 5. If you are happy with 2 i think your husband needs to realise that and stop with the comments.

Have another child because you want one, not to please someone else.

@paceyswife

I think you are in a small minority. I have never known ANYone receive pity for having just girls. (and no boys...)

It's always people who have boys only, who get the head tilt, and 'I suppose you will want a girl next yes?'

I have never known anyone with just girls, have anyone saying 'you must want a boy next?' Never.

I consider myself very lucky to have 2 of each when it gets to discussions like this (wanted 3 children, 3rd pregnancy boy/girl twins).

My sister only has daughters and is desperate for a son. 3 by one man, 1 by another. He has a son from a previous relationship.

Thankfully you have your head screwed on straight. You are happy with the family you have. That is what is important. Any discussion about you and dh giving the family a 'much wanted granddaughter' has to stop. Whatever they say now, they will treat your sons differently. My dad did with my eldest son until it became apparent he has challenging behaviour issues and wouldn't fall into the pigeon hole my dad wanted him to fit into.

I don't think it will stop! My and my DH have made it clear there will be no more grandchildren (we also have 2 boys) but we do get asked if we're having more kids-particularly granddaughters. It doesn't especially bother me though. If I were guaranteed a girl I'd have another - but life doesn't work like that and I'm thrilled with my two lovely boys. (And loving that they have finally reached an age where I'm starting to get my freedom back).

I’ve just had my 3rd DC - my 3rd boy. I absolutely know how you feel!
Even my own mother said “I know you’ll be upset if it’s a boy” - as though she doesn’t know me at all! I couldn’t care less. In fact having another boy is just easier I suppose, but I would have been equally as happy with a girl. I hear “you’ll be trying for a girl at some point then” quite often.

No! I bloody wont. I wanted three Dc and I’m happy with three.

Even the sonographer and random strangers would say “ohh I bet you’re hoping for pink this time”

Nope.

I know some E who really wanted sons. The poor bastard has ended up with 5 children. The rule with habi g children is not to have them unless you are sure you want them.

I really don’t understand some people. ‘Try for a girl’. What a ridiculous comment.

OP, if you are happy with two children, then that is it. No one else gets to tell you what you do with your body. If they don’t like it, well who bloody cares. Do they view you as a uterus or an adult woman with autonomy over her own life?

it’s always a 50/50 chance

Is it though? Don't some men have more female sperm than male sperm etc?

www.ingender.com/Gender-Info/Odds-of-having-all-boys-or-girls.aspx

Across populations it usually 51% boys 50 girls and as the article above say when you stop looking at small sample sizes, families of two of three, and look at larger families it seems to be 50/50.

Sex of previous children do slightly mess with the percentages - but only very slightly.

www.ingender.com/gender-info/odds-of-having-another-boy-or-girl.aspx

There was a case that hit UK papers while back first gril born in four generations :www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/11116747/Family-celebrate-first-baby-girl-in-over-a-century.html but it shows how rare that is.

I have 2 boys. If I went again, yes, I would hope for a girl but would never desire 2 girls and no boys. I also know someone with 4 girls - they are happy with this but would have only 2 children had they not wanted a bo! Stop when you want to stop not when others say so!

Boy not bo! 😁

OP, you're not being unreasonable, at all!

Also, for what it's worth, I'm 50 and from a farming community where boys were, and probably still are, valued more highly than girls. I can think of several families with 3 or more girls, then a boy.

Er we had 4 lads and turn twin dds. I don’t feel like a poor bastard thanks

however totally my choice mainly as I was the one having them and of course dh was on board but it’s essentially mums decision.

Absolutely tell your dh to stop. Tell your mil to stop and be very firm you are not a brood mare!!!

I really don’t understand some people. ‘Try for a girl’. What a ridiculous comment.

We wanted three children, didn’t care what sex, got girl and boy with first two and people were incredulous we still wanted and went on to have third child.

The ideal in many people's minds does seem to be two children boy and girl.

I have never known anyone with just girls, have anyone saying 'you must want a boy next?' Never.

Oh, I have. Many times. Usually framed as ‘it would be so nice for your DH if you had a boy’.

Tell them you agree to try for another, but if it's a girl it categorically will not be wearing any dresses or anything remotely girly.

But then that's what I'd say

I don't get this fascination for dressing baby girls up in dresses. I hate the bloody things, they look uncomfortable and frilly and irritating.