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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't ok and be pissed with DP

71 replies

Shortstuff08 · 09/07/2018 08:55

Good Morning

I am posting this for my best friend we are in her kitchen and we were discussing this and I suggested putting it to the mn jury.

She says

Dp is a kids sports coach. It's a team sport and our 9 year old dd is in the team.

Dp, the other coach and our dd were travelling to a game on Saturday. Dd later told me that dp had looked at a woman running and said to the other coach 'god she is going to give herself a black eye!' Talking about her boobs bouncing.

Dd asked him what he meant and he said 'oh just meant because she is fat'

I spoke to DP on Saturday evening and asked him. He said he did comment on her boobs and then when he realised that she heard he backtracked and made the comment about her being fat so she didn't know he was talking about her boobs.

I am really angry and he doesn't get it. I am not happy he was making comments about women's boobs or their body size.

The reasons I am angry are

Dd shouldn't be hearing him comment on women's bodies shape or sizes, I really hate this and think men just don't get how awful it is. She shouldn't be growing up think it's ok for men to do this. She will learn a lot about relationships with men, from her dad's behaviour towards her and women in general.

Dd shouldn't be hearing him comment on women's boobs, again for the reasons above.

He was transporting her for a game and what he said is not ok for any sports coach to say in front of his team.

If I heard another coach saying this in front of my dd I would be complaining. I am considering putting her in another group, because of this.

He just doesn't seem to get it. He thinks I am over reacting and doesn't understand how growing up hearing things like this will impact her and not appropriate for a sports coach.

Does anyone have any suggestions of posts or anything where someone can explain this him so he understands the impact he is having.

Thanks

OP posts:
LongSummerDays · 09/07/2018 09:01
Hmm
Original poster
Shortstuff08 · 09/07/2018 09:03

That's helpful.....thanks Confused

OP posts:
FASH84 · 09/07/2018 09:07

He's made an inappropriate comment, he seems to have realised that. Hopefully it will deter him from making further inappropriate comments. YABU to say you are 'pissed with DP' You are pissed off at DP.

Original poster
Shortstuff08 · 09/07/2018 09:12

No she is pissed with DP.

It's a fairly common turn of phrase here.

He hasn't realised anything. That's the problem. He thinks that changing it from being about her boobs to her weight makes it ok.

OP posts:
theressomethingaboutmarie · 09/07/2018 09:13

YANBU - a) he should keep his trap shut when observing women exercising (I say this having had horrid things shouted at me when running) and b) to criticise someone else's body in front of an impressionable 9-year-old DD is crass and insensitive. He's been a bit of a tool.

ShatnersWig · 09/07/2018 09:14

No she is pissed with DP.

It's a fairly common turn of phrase here.

It's an Americanism.

Original poster
Shortstuff08 · 09/07/2018 09:16

It's an Americanism

And?

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/07/2018 09:18

Pissed OFF

Now I’ll read the op 😀

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/07/2018 09:20

He made an inappropriate comment, realised it and back tracked. I couldn’t get worked up about it.

ShatnersWig · 09/07/2018 09:20

Ah, so you are in America then?

hayli · 09/07/2018 09:21

Wow i'd be pissed with him too. bloody get off ur high horse with americanism pp.
Back to the subject 🙄..

GnomeDePlume · 09/07/2018 09:24

YANBU I don't think people get how degrading, dehumanising and demoralising 'ist' comments are until they experience them for themselves.

diddl · 09/07/2018 09:24

That would absolutely piss me off.

I didn't realise that adult men made such twattish comments.

Original poster
Shortstuff08 · 09/07/2018 09:24

Ah, so you are in America then?

No, but I spent time there every year.

Didn't realise local turns of phrase (wether they have come from America or not) were against mn rules.

Maybe you could actually be helpful and direct me to that part of mns talk guidelines. Grin

OP posts:
BatShitBuns · 09/07/2018 09:25

It's an Americanism.

Oh seriously get a grip. There are many American posters on MN!!!

hayli · 09/07/2018 09:25

Backtracking with something just as bad??? i dont understand why adults cant see when they have done/said something wrong infront of child and have realised, just be honest and admitt to the wrong. But to backtrack like he did he just covered up his words with something just as bad.

DevilsDoorbell · 09/07/2018 09:26

Ffs. Stop picking on things like pissed with do or posed off with do. That is not what this thread is about. Who cares if it’s an Americanism. Guess what, there are some americans on here.

Op, you are not over reacting at all but unfortunately I’m not surprised your dp doesn’t get it.

Sisgal · 09/07/2018 09:26

Over reaction on your part. You are only pissed off cause your H was looking at another womans tits. We've all had partners who do this, so understand how you feel..but get over it!!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/07/2018 09:28

pissed with do or posed off with do you what? 😀

Original poster
Shortstuff08 · 09/07/2018 09:28

Thank you to posters who have posted something helpful. Even if they disagree it's a big deal.

My friend just wishes she could make him understand that as a coach and father, it's not ok.

OP posts:
SummerGems · 09/07/2018 09:29

Meh, I couldn’t get too worked up about it.

SummerGems · 09/07/2018 09:30

And I’d bet that most of those who get oh so offended think nothing of ogling fit blokes with the addage that “mmmm I would.....”

Original poster
Shortstuff08 · 09/07/2018 09:30

You are only pissed off cause your H was looking at another womans tits. We've all had partners who do this, so understand how you feel..but get over it!!

Thank you for your answer.

Friend says that it's not that. If he hadn't have mentioned her boobs at all and just mentioned her weight, she still wouldn't be happy.

OP posts:
maxthemartian · 09/07/2018 09:31

Sisgal way to miss the point entirely. Not everyone partners up with a sexist arse either.

Yes it's shit having men randomly comment on one's body and it's a terrible example to set in front of a young girl. Potentially very undermining of her motivation to do sport and be physically active too.

DidimusStench · 09/07/2018 09:31

My DD plays sport and if her coach had said things like that around her (boobs or weight, it makes no difference) I’d be PISSED too and finding another team/club.

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