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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I was right not to report this as I just overreacted?

56 replies

themiss · 08/07/2018 14:39

I live near the seaside and last night popped out to take some photos of the sunset. There were quite a few people about. I was leaning against a railing by the beach focusing on a shot when a guy came right up behind me. He didn't touch me, just came really close behind me and kind of whispered in my ear, I can't remember what, but probably something to do with me taking a photo. I'm a naturally anxious person and felt hugely uncomfortable with this invasion of my space. So I told him to fuck off. He backed away laughing, he was holding a pint and was probably a bit pissed. The laughter unsettled me more, so I shouted fuck off again. I know it was a bit of an overreaction, but it just felt humiliating to be laughed at for getting a fright. He then kept laughing and mimicking me shouting fuck off. So I just left and went straight home. He seemed to be with a girlfriend, but she didn't say or do anything, just stared at me when I swore at him. I mentioned it to my mum today and she thinks I should have reported him to the police. I feel that would be an overreaction. Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Itscominghomeyesitis · 08/07/2018 14:42

Report him to the Police for what?

User467 · 08/07/2018 14:46

Em......report him for maybe whispering something that you're not sure what, might have been about you taking a picture? I'm not sure I see a crime

Original poster

themiss · 08/07/2018 14:46

Exactly. I don't think he should have approached me like that, but he didn't actually do anything wrong. My mum obviously overreacts even more than me. I just thought I could persuade her that it would be unnecessary if someone else backed me up.

OP posts:

Plsbemyturn · 08/07/2018 14:46

Dont think the police will do much as he only whispered something in your ear. Sounds like a typcal drunk to me.

HeGotManFlu · 08/07/2018 14:48

He was pissed and showing off, you felt anxious, it's a very childish thing he did but he is an idiot, let it go, enjoy this beautiful weather and don't let some pissed up mini dick brain spoil your afternoon.

Original poster

themiss · 08/07/2018 14:52

HegotManFlu you summed it up perfectly, thank you.
I am happy to let it go, but my mother can be quite insistent. Nice to have others agreeing that it was nothing.

OP posts:

9amTrain · 08/07/2018 14:56

I wouldn't waste the police time because someone was annoying and childish.

Slartybartfast · 08/07/2018 14:59

sounds like he was behaving like an eejit. type of person who interrupts a pool player, darts player, now interrupting you taking a photo, ha bloody ha.
but police, no

ElementalHalfLife · 08/07/2018 15:03

Actually it wasn't nothing - no, not police report worthy certainly, your mum is definitely overreacting - but he invaded your space, scared you and showed absolutely no respect for personal boundaries. Who the fuck does that? Frankly, some strange man coming up behind me unexpectedly like that and whispering in my ear I'd find right on the creepiest edge of creepy and he'd be lucky I didn't instinctively scream and lamp him in shock let alone just telling him to fuck off. Not fucking funny at all.

Original poster

themiss · 08/07/2018 15:14

Well ElementalHalfLife, I very nearly grabbed the pint out of his hand to throw it over him, but just shouted 'fuck off' again instead.
It did feel unsettling when he was right up behind me but again, thanks for confirming that my mum is overreacting.

OP posts:

BrexitWife · 08/07/2018 15:19

I agree that there was no point trying to report.

BUT i disagree it was nothing. What he did as on the verge of assault (touching you when you dint want to). He invaded your personal boundaries and put himself in what could be seen as a very intimate position (in your back whispering). I personally wouodnt let anyone bar a partner doing that for example.
Hence your reaction that was NOT an overreaction.
But yes, on paper, I suspeck he didn’t do anything wrong.

As for ‘he was just lisses off and showing iff’ Right... so why is that that men always show off like this towards women who they know are are physically weaker then? I’m sure he wouod never have done that to a man!
I really dint care he was pissed. If you are so drunk you can’t control your behaviour and ind it funny to scare people then you have drunk too much. It’s not acceptable, nor funny nor ‘one of those things’

InTheLightOfTheMoon · 08/07/2018 15:22

Police for what? a man threatened to headbutt me in the street over my daughter (7 years) and even then the police didnt do anything.

Not sure what you think would happen by reporting it?

wakemeupbefore · 08/07/2018 15:26

OP you take the bloody Snowflake Of The Century prize. Get a grip.

ReanimatedSGB · 08/07/2018 15:26

The police wouldn't do anything about it but I agree with you and PP that it was unacceptable behaviour. Pity you didn't react by lashing out: might have made the creepy woman-hating fucker think twice about doing it again.

KneesupGaston · 08/07/2018 15:29

YANBU, he didn't commit a crime but did warrant being told to fuck off.

wakemeupbefore · 08/07/2018 15:30

Where did you get the drunk chap was a 'woman hating' fucker'? Going by OPs behaviour, she does come accross as a man-hating paranoid attention seeker - going by your judging criteria.

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 08/07/2018 15:31

What wakemeup said. What an over reaction. Man says something to you about photography, you tell him to fuck off. I’d laugh at you too!

chrisinthesun · 08/07/2018 15:36

Agree YABU. A ridiculous over-reaction.

If you report it to the police, they will laugh at you too.

Woman hating fucker indeed. As a pp said, you may as well say that the OP sounds like a over-dramatic, attention seeking man-hater.

NordicNobody · 08/07/2018 15:58

No I think you were right not to report it as he really didn't commit a crime of any sort.

But I don't think YABU to have been upset and you definitely aren't being a snowflake . This man deliberately scared you then mocked you, made you feel so threatened and humiliated that you had to leave the area, and I guarentee he wouldn't have done it to a man.

"But he was drunk" is no excuse
"But the foooootbaaaaall" is no excuse
There is no excuse

That guy was a creep and an asshole and this is a brilliant example of sexist toxic male behaviour being minimised. He sounds like the type to say "it was just banter". Stuff like this matters and it should be challenged. Its not OK to harass someone just because you're a stupid drunk man and have been socialised to think it's funny!

TigerDroveAgain · 08/07/2018 16:00

What Nordic said. Completely out of order. Police: absolutely not!

BrexitWife · 08/07/2018 16:01

Some people should read the OP though.

The OP has never said SHE wanted to report him to the police but that her MUM did. So I’m not sure how she could be overreacting

She also never said the man talked to her about photography. She actually doesn’t KNOW what the guy said. For all she know, it could have been ‘I want to fuck you’.

‘Woman hater fucker’ well yes if if this is the way you are calling any man who thinks they are above women and can scare them, behave in inappropriate way (because it was inappropriate) and still laugh at said woman when she actually defend herself.
Nothing in his behaviour was acceptable, even if you can argue it was within the law.

InTheLightOfTheMoon · 08/07/2018 16:05

Well i dont think the op would have posted unless she did consider reporting it.

Birdsgottafly · 08/07/2018 16:10

""Pity you didn't react by lashing out:""

He wasn't right to do what he did, but he was drunk, drunk people do stupid things.

It doesn't mean that the OP would be right by assaulting him.

Out of the two of them, she was the one potentially causing an offence.

There's a way to handle drunk people, Men or Women, escalating the situation, rather than walking away, doesn't solve anything, in fact, that's how people end up being injured and killed.

squeelof1 · 08/07/2018 16:25

Apparently a good few users replying have a larger ego than common sense at taking the time to read something correctly and are quick to jump on knocking the OP down, it was actually her mum that wanted it reported whilst the OP thought it was unnecessary but wanted some back up.

My opinion is what he did wasn't right and was unruly behavior.
I can imagine how uncomfortable that must be and sadly the police doesn't do much about a lot things nowadays unless it's a life threatening risk.

A shame there wasn't a policeman or someone with authority walking along by the front witnessing it happen, seeing he's got a pint and tell him to move along himself; there should be some sort of officer lurking around there as a lot of louts are out by the seaside and especially with nearby access to a pint, goodness knows what could kick off down there.

Original poster

themiss · 08/07/2018 18:54

InTheLightOfTheMoon I never considered reporting it. I posted to ask for confirmation that I was right NOT to report it as my mum was being quite insistent that I should.

Thank you BrexitWife, KneesupGaston, NordicNobody, squeelof1 and others who understood my original post. Much appreciated. Unfortunately, I don't have the kind of relationship with my mother that I can show her this thread to prove her wrong, but I feel much better, thanks

OP posts:

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