Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to think I was right not to report this as I just overreacted?

56 replies

themiss · 08/07/2018 14:39

I live near the seaside and last night popped out to take some photos of the sunset. There were quite a few people about. I was leaning against a railing by the beach focusing on a shot when a guy came right up behind me. He didn't touch me, just came really close behind me and kind of whispered in my ear, I can't remember what, but probably something to do with me taking a photo. I'm a naturally anxious person and felt hugely uncomfortable with this invasion of my space. So I told him to fuck off. He backed away laughing, he was holding a pint and was probably a bit pissed. The laughter unsettled me more, so I shouted fuck off again. I know it was a bit of an overreaction, but it just felt humiliating to be laughed at for getting a fright. He then kept laughing and mimicking me shouting fuck off. So I just left and went straight home. He seemed to be with a girlfriend, but she didn't say or do anything, just stared at me when I swore at him. I mentioned it to my mum today and she thinks I should have reported him to the police. I feel that would be an overreaction. Any thoughts?

OP posts:

ReanimatedSGB · 08/07/2018 18:59

If someone you don't know comes up behind you close enough to whisper in your ear, hitting out at them is completely justifiable. You don't know that they are harmless. You don't know their intentions. You do know that they have no manners and, if you are female and they are male, no respect for women and no perception that women are human beings.

Original poster

themiss · 08/07/2018 19:21

Thanks ReanimatedSGB I tend to lash out verbally when I'm in a situation that I find stressful as I find myself slightly paralysed, I just freeze. I do not think for one minute he would have done that to a man.

OP posts:

wakemeupbefore · 08/07/2018 19:50

Reanimated..., you have a few issues quite clearly.

Birdsgottafly · 08/07/2018 19:53

ReanimatedSGB, it might be justifiable, but it's escalating the situation. Men kill each other with one punch, it isn't something that Women want to be on the receiving end of.

I read about murders everyday, in my City Center and they are all because one or the other didn't just let it go and move on their way.

Nicknacky · 08/07/2018 19:55

reanimated Assaulting someone because they whispered to you is NOT justified. Don’t be ridiculous.

wakemeupbefore · 08/07/2018 19:57

We have a somewhat 'inebriated' man talking to OP about photography whilst standing in her 'personal space' - an unwise call but that's really all - and have swiftly moved onto killings with one punch, murders and women being on the receiving end of it all.
One couldn't make it up.

gamerwidow · 08/07/2018 20:01

OP he sounds like someone on a power trip who wanted to intimidate you to make himself feel better. Not reportable but I can understand why it shook you up.
Mums always want to protect us your mum is probably fuming at the idea of someone twat upsetting you hence her going on about it. My mum would do the same.

abbsisspartacus · 08/07/2018 20:03

The op recognises she might have over reacted she also recognised that there is clearly no need for police what she is asking for is support in those two areas

Calling her a snowflake who wastes police time is unhelpful at best

You know where you went wrong and what not to do next time you are right your mum is wrong

AnotherDayAnotherName745 · 08/07/2018 20:18

If someone you don't know comes up behind you close enough to whisper in your ear, hitting out at them is completely justifiable
It really isn't though .
I hope you don't teach your DCs that, and I hope you never travel on buses and trains, where some poor soul may have no choice but stand within your zone of violence.

helpfulperson · 08/07/2018 20:22

I don't think you need to report it to the police but I certainly don't think you overreacted. He was annoying you, you told him to fuck off. OK so in an ideal world you might has said 'go away' first instead but this is back to women being socially conditioned not to upset others. I think there would be a lot less 'unwanted attention' if more people responded like you when it happens.

AnotherDayAnotherName745 · 08/07/2018 20:25

Fwiw OP, I am v jumpy too, and tend to flinch away if someone gets close to me unexpectedly, but that doesn't really entitle is to shout and swear at people who don't know that. It's not fair to decide he's bad, or deserved swearing at, your anxiety is your challenge to deal with. Your mum is just cross because she feels that someone upset you; she loves you and wants to protect you.

Ohyesiam · 08/07/2018 20:32

He was really invasive, your feelings are valid.
Your mum is naturally protective of you, but it’s not ( quite) a police matter.
Don’t let the twats get you down.

wakemeupbefore · 08/07/2018 20:59

To quope poster above:
"He was annoying you, you told him to fuck off. "

I am so very glad I live in a different world where such behaviour is not acceptable nor tolerated.

wakemeupbefore · 08/07/2018 20:59

Quote that is.

UneMoonit · 08/07/2018 21:17

Doesn't it seem possible that a man out for a drink and a walk with his girlfriend in the lovely weather might not have had evil intentions and laughter/mimicry might have just come from shock at someone unexpectedly screaming obscenities at them?

I realise this is a million-to-one chance :p, but even the possibility means that "whatever" he whispered might be quite important to know before trying to get this couple in trouble with the police (or really verbally abusing them, to be honest).

For all we know, he could have been telling her her lens cap was on.

ReanimatedSGB · 08/07/2018 21:32

FFS. A man who comes up behind a woman he doesn't know, with no warning, close enough to whisper in her ear, deserves whatever he gets. It's completely unacceptable, intrusive, prickish behaviour. No reasonable person creeps up on strangers like this - if he wanted to speak to her because, as PP said, the lens cap was on, or he wanted to ask for directions or whatever, he would have remained a civilised distance away and started his interaction by saying 'excuse me'.
And men do this to women. They don't do it to other men. They don't do it to women who are with men. They do it to women who are alone - or with other women, but no men present. They do it because they think women are there for them to tease, annoy and scare - that women should not be out in public without a male owner.

wakemeupbefore · 08/07/2018 22:27

Reanimated..., do you live in a very crime-ridden or war-torn area? Or are all men murderers, pedophiles, rapists and should be hanged - just in case?

ReanimatedSGB · 08/07/2018 22:31

Do you walk up behind complete strangers and whisper in their ears? This is not a matter of an OP being freaked out that someone she didn't know spoke to her; this was someone who deliberately invaded her space, which is behaviour designed to intimidate or annoy.

If this prick had something important to say, why didn't he just call out 'excuse me [necessary thing he had to say]' from a reasonable distance.

wakemeupbefore · 08/07/2018 22:35

You scare me.....

Original poster

themiss · 08/07/2018 23:27

Thanks Ohyesiam and abbsisspartacus too, especially for you are right your mum is wrong

OP posts:

KokoandAllBall · 09/07/2018 00:52

OP you take the bloody Snowflake Of The Century prize. Get a grip.

Whereas you take the "Does Not Read Posts Properly (Of The Century)" prize. Congrats.

Sunshineandgin · 09/07/2018 04:57

Misogyny hate crime in Nottinghamshire gives 'shocking' results www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-44740362

And then articles like this highlight why men behaving like that is so unreasonable.

stillPhoenix · 09/07/2018 05:03

He spoke to you and you shouted at him to fuck off.

Yes you over reacted.

ReanimatedSGB · 09/07/2018 08:23

But this tosser didn't 'speak to her'. He crept up behind her and whispered in her ear. Can you really not see the difference between normal behaviour (which may or may not be a bit tiresome) and intrusive, creepy behaviour?

midnightmisssuki · 09/07/2018 09:10

Errrr what would you have her to do to him Reanimated? Hit him because she was unsure of what is intentions were, you know, just in case he had ill-intentions?

OP - i dont think you behaved unreasonably at all - i would have been spooked, and no, the police wouldnt have done anything - i would just put it down to the guy being silly and maybe having had too much to drink.

Flip

1 2 3