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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel sad that I can't support LGBT+ anymore

199 replies

loveyouradvice · 08/07/2018 12:38

Just that really

I realised this when DD wanted to talk about Pride and my instant reaction was to talk about the brave Lesbian protest about lesbianism being same-sex attracted..... and all my DD wanted to talk about was the joy and the fun and how all her mates had a really good time....

And I realised that has gone for me... being engaged with the L & G community when I was younger was such a rich part of my life...

And I feel very sad to have lost this... the joy and the support...

And yes, as I write this I can see how selfish this sounds ... that I am sad it is no longer simple, that my automatic and heartfelt support of anything L & G and of Stonewall is no longer there.... that it is now divided and controvesial

OP posts:
9amTrain · 08/07/2018 12:42

I don't really understand your post.

Why exactly "can't" you support the LGBT community anymore, because your daughter had fun at pride? Society is so much more accepting than they were as recent as 10 years ago, that surely it's good that it's largely about having fun and being proud?

Maybe I've missed something.

DelRaya · 08/07/2018 12:43

Isn’t that a good thing?

I don’t want to view lesbians as being brave to be public about their sexuality because I’d rather it just be an accepted normal every day thing?

argumentativefeminist · 08/07/2018 12:44

The B and the T were never mentioned, 9am. OP seems to be suggesting she doesnt feel she can support gay and lesbian rights anymore because it's all being taken over by the trans agenda. Can't say I'm heartbroken for her tbh. 🙄

argumentativefeminist · 08/07/2018 12:45

Apologies, they were mentioned, once, in the title. But not in the bulk of the OP.

Original poster
loveyouradvice · 08/07/2018 12:46

I am sorry ... I guess I wasn't clear just surprised and a bit overwhelmed by the sadness for something that was such a rich part of my young life....

Yes it is utterly wonderful that DD and her friends have such a great joyful and uncomplicated reaction .... and this I want to celebrate

For me the challenge is that so many lesbians feel they no longer belong, and that I am finding the TRAs over-dominant and not good at listening to others' voices and to understanding why their stance might be problematic for, for example, some lesbians and transsexuals

OP posts:
Original poster
loveyouradvice · 08/07/2018 12:48

And I guess I didn't mention the Bs as they have always felt the group that have the easiest ride and so uncontroversial... just a statement of how they approach their sexuality

OP posts:
DelRaya · 08/07/2018 12:53

something that was such a rich part of my young life....

How so? Are you a lesbian?

CircleofWillis · 08/07/2018 13:30

I understand what you are saying OP and had a similar reaction yesterday to London Pride. Just a bit a sadness that my previous joyful celebration and total acceptance has been tainted by my worries over self identification for transgender people and the complete disregard and hatred by some factions of people who are concerned for the loss of hard earned rights for women. Sports, shelters, refuges, healthcare, women only shortlist’s and women scholarships will all being affected.

CircleofWillis · 08/07/2018 13:31

*all be affected.

Triskaidekaphilia · 08/07/2018 13:37

I'm bisexual and while im married to someone of the opposite sex now it doesn't erase the homophobia I've gone through in the past. It doesn't erase the ignorant assumptions I've had from both gay and straight people. It makes people uncomfortable when you don't fit into a box very easily. I'm not saying I have it harder than gay people as I know I can 'pass for straight' if I needed to but I feel this just illustrates the fact that your opinion on this is a bit narrow minded. While I understand concerns about TRAs, self-id, lesbian erasure and so on, that is not the same as completely dismissing the 'BT+' part as you seem to be doing. Hmm If this isn't what you meant I apologise but that's how it's coming across.

SandyFagina · 08/07/2018 13:41

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BringOnTheScience · 08/07/2018 13:46

Pride events are supposed to be just that: showing Pride. They aren't protests. We are fortunate to live in a country where we have legal protection for free speech and expression, but a pride celebration isn't perhaps the most appropriate time to stage a protest to split up aspects of LGBT+++

BlackeyedSusan · 08/07/2018 13:51

It is not bigotted for lesbians (born XX female) to say they will only sleep with lesbians (born XX female) as it is after all homoSEXuality, and they have a protected characteristic... based on their SEX and their SEXual attraction. Gender should not come into this.

Not a problem if some people don't mind, it is up to them, but those who do mind should not be pressured to sleep with a "lady penis" or be called a bigot and castigated for their sexual preferences. That is homophobia.

postcardsfrom · 08/07/2018 14:08

I don’t know how you can’t when you say you are Bi. You may ‘pass’ as straight these days but Pride is still very much needed and relevant, and I have no problem with people having fun at it.

postcardsfrom · 08/07/2018 14:10

This whole thing about lesbians being called homophobic for not wanting to sleep with someone who has a penis - it’s not actually real. I don’t know any lesbian who’s experienced this. We don’t talk about it, we don’t hear about it in real life, we don’t feel pressured to sleep with anyone we don’t want to!

LastTrainEast · 08/07/2018 14:35

postcardsfrom It doesn't apply to me, but I've seen the posts, the bile on twitter, the comparisons with racism. Was that a dream?

Here's something to get you started. A fairly calm article explaining why people who don't have sex with trans are homophobic. You may want to work up to the really nasty stuff in stages.

medium.com/@QSE/when-you-say-i-would-never-date-a-trans-person-its-transphobic-here-s-why-aa6fdcf59aca

Triskaidekaphilia · 08/07/2018 14:41

postcardsfrom was that first post directed to me (as OP has not said that they are bi)? Because I do support it and agree it's important and will be going to pride in my city. Smile

TacoLover · 08/07/2018 14:50

And I guess I didn't mention the Bs as they have always felt the group that have the easiest ride and so uncontroversial... just a statement of how they approach their sexuality

...

MPForFlydaleNorth · 08/07/2018 15:00

Unless you are bisexual (and from your tone I guess you're not) how dare you say "they" have it easiest?
It's not bloody easy feeling lesser than both gay and straight people, feeling like you are redefining yourself with each new relationship, being asked ridiculously personal questions about how much you're attracted to women/men ("is it 50/50, more towards one or the other etc) as if it is anyone else's damn business, and experiencing discrimination and shame on the basis of your sexuality- being portrayed as sex mad, fickle, promiscuous, unable to make your mind up etc.
Ignorance prevails it seems

Iseveryusernamealreadytaken · 08/07/2018 15:04

Yanbu. As a lesbian I find it really upsetting when Pride is on, when I see all the corporate rainbow flags everywhere and this whole charade of us all being happy and everything being progressive. It's a complete lie. I see all the straight people I know going to Pride parade, writing woke happy Pride crap on Facebook etc and they just haven't got a clue what's going on (or don't give a crap because it all about covering yourself in glitter and rainbow flags and making a show of how 'progressive' you are). I'm glad some straight people are becoming aware of what is going on.

Iseveryusernamealreadytaken · 08/07/2018 15:33

This is a post from the lesbian protesters at yesterday's London Pride.

getthelout.wordpress.com/author/frenchradfem/

Caribou58 · 08/07/2018 15:34

This piece explains why the protest by some women yesterday happened. I commend all to read the whole thing.

medium.com/@josephinebartosch/lesbian-pride-lesbian-protest-cea2c1404cc0

Original poster
loveyouradvice · 08/07/2018 16:18

For all those who presume to know about my sexuality .... I am not going to comment as it is too outing... but don't assume...

And thank you to those who like me feel the sadness and recognise the shift... I am glad I am not alone

What I wonder is how long it is going to take all the organisations (whether schools or monied corporates) to start questioning why they are really supporting... rather than just going along in a rainbow glow...

OP posts:
Original poster
loveyouradvice · 08/07/2018 16:21

Actually I will say a little more.... I know some people are Gay or Bi or Hetero but I also see the choice as more of a continuum, with many people's sexuality being more flexible and depending on circumstance.... I am currently in a Hetero relationship, but believe I could have been in any, depending on how I evolved and who I met ...

OP posts:
mirime · 08/07/2018 16:42

@loveyouradvice

And I guess I didn't mention the Bs as they have always felt the group that have the easiest ride

I was advised at 18 that if I wanted to join the local gay community I'd be better off hiding that I was Bi because I wouldn't be accepted if I was open about it.