Another in law issue I’m afraid!
My husband’s family have always been very good to us financially & practically. But I’m realising that this seems, as time goes on, to come with certain conditions. And I do not like it!
Recently his brother (my BIL) was really hurtful to my husband. He went off on one from nowhere (seemingly) about how selfish we were for going away for one night & leaving kids with PIL (despite the grandparents having agreed to it), when we had decided not to go on holiday with them all this year. Apparently you’re not allowed to do that - decide not to go on holiday on with family! He was quite nasty about it & when my husband (eventually) phoned him to talk about it, he just doubled down & wouldn’t take it.
What is really difficult for us both is that we have been on holiday with them for the last 5 years (mostly paid for by them). The last 2 years we’ve gone to huge hotels in Portugal - noisy, crowded & not my cup of tea at all. I hate that kind of thing - I’m very noise & too many people sensitive and it’s just my idea of hell, tbh. I also have long term depression (for last 20+ years, inc. serious PND after 2nd child 3 years ago). I need, in order to function as a parent, to have at least some quiet time regularly. So I’ve gritted my teeth & put up with the holidays last 2 years for my husband & son’s sakes because they wanted to go. But I really, really struggled. So this year I discussed with hubby & although we don’t have much spare cash as I’m only freelance part time, we said we’d go alone. We were quite happy to go with his family for kids sake but we didn’t want to go to a large hotel - rather a small villa or quiet cottage. They said no, they didn’t want to do that. So we said, OK we’ll go alone. None of this was said with attitude as far as I’m aware as husband spoke to them about it - and he tried carefully to explain how hard it was for me with my depression & lack of peace etc. We thought this was reasonably said but unfortunately both PIL & BIL decided to take massive offence at this.
Then when I discussed this with my MIL earlier she doubled down too. Of course she’ll defend her older son (hubbys brother) but I explained how unfair it felt to have the attack from BIL. I was in tears talking about how much my husband helps me (“yes I’ve noticed how much he does” she said and “I know you have ‘difficulties’” all in a non emotional tone!) and how difficult it is to parent with a mental illness & how nasty it felt for his brother to begrudge him one night away that he rarely has. Apparently no. It’s selfish of me not to take the boys to Portugal with them.
Apparently it’s their decision what my sons should do - and even I should do - with our holiday. I don’t think it is. AIBU?
Background: not trying to get in a political argument here, each to their own, but my in laws are all fervent Brexiters. They’re extremely right wing, racist, homophobic etc, and I’m not. I’m much more liberal and very anti Brexit. This has definitely left a sour taste in the mouth over the last 2 years. They know I disagree with them. I’m not sure if they realise how much!😂