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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Secondary after school care

66 replies

littlemssilly · 07/07/2018 10:53

Just wanted to know what people do with their children after school at secondary?
Dd goes to a childminder at the moment, do people still use them for secondary? Or does everybody work short days so they can pick up? I know schools have homework clubs for maybe an hour but I can't imagine my 11yo go home and be alone for an hour or two or AIBU?
Won't be applying yet but it will inform a decision to move house etc before applying.

OP posts:

kimlo · 07/07/2018 10:56

there isn't childcare for that age. Dd1 gets the bus home and lets herself in at about half 4, I get in at about 6. If she goes to a club after school she gets in later.

Start leaving her now for short periods and work up to leaving her for longer.

Anasnake · 07/07/2018 11:00

They have to be more independent. Many Year 7's have to catch the school bus on their own. Mine all had a key and let themselves in. It's part of growing up. I don't know anyone who has used a childminder past primary.

Parker231 · 07/07/2018 11:01

At 11 my DT often did after school sports and music clubs and then got the tube home. If there were none of their clubs on, they would either go straight home or to a friends and then home. DH and I would be home between 6-7. Not heard of chidminders for that age.

Lazypuppy · 07/07/2018 11:06

Yep give them a key and they can let themselves in after school. Like pp said they are likely to be catching a bus to school.

They don't need afterschool care. Start leaving him for periods of time over summer to build him up

FatSally · 07/07/2018 11:07

There are only two days a week where mine need childcare but they are 8-6 days.

When ds1 goes to secondary I plan to let him get home himself and stay there on those days in Term time...but some form of activity during holidays.

I think 11 is too young to leave alone all day so will look for some kind of teen club activity/camp for a good few hours. Failing that he might still go to our CM on the odd day with ds2 and 3 as he loves it there and has company as she has her own dc of the same age - so he can always just go about with them.

justgivemethepinot · 07/07/2018 11:07

There's no childcare provision for that age and tbh ds would out and out refuse anyway. Maybe try building your dd up to being home alone for short bursts so that she's used to it when the time comes.

Moneyhelping · 07/07/2018 11:09

I have after school help. She picks up my youngest and makes dinner for them all. She starts at 3 and earlier in the holidays. Once youngest starts secondary I’ll need help 3 afternoons plan to have someone who does some cleaning and ironing and prepares dinner, a sort of housekeeping kind of role but an adult in the house

tulippa · 07/07/2018 11:10

Please don't pick your child up from secondary school. They'll get slaughtered. They're meant to be independent enough to make their own way home at that age. It us a bit adjustment when it's your first though.

MojoMoon · 07/07/2018 11:13

At what age did you imagine leaving them for a couple of hours?

Just to reiterate - no year 7 at the school I work in is picked up and dropped off by parents unless it's some one off like bringing something very heavy to and from schools (like a cello or double bass).

They walk, cycle, get the bus, tube etc.
Since the vast majority of parents are both working, it seems likely that most of them are then home alone for a couple of hours.
Homework clubs or after school sports aren't designed as childcare either - they can be cancelled at short notice if the teacher is off sick or has something else on. We wouldn't get cover in for that so you can't absolutely rely on after school clubs to run.

Start now and build up.

SugarIsAmazing · 07/07/2018 11:13

Agreeing with everyone else that secondary school children come home and let themselves in.

My year 8 used to collect her siblings.

AChickenCalledKorma · 07/07/2018 11:15

Year 7 is really awkward, particularly if you have a summer-born child who is only just 11 when they start secondary.

I work part time and am fortunate that my employer is happy for me to do school hours. Until my youngest was about half way through year 7, I made sure I was home after school. She wasn't too confident about letting herself in and she and her older sister struggled to co-exist in an empty house. If I couldn't get back, sometimes she went to our local youth centre for a bit, till I was home.

By about March, we were all more confident and settled and I started staying later to see what happened. Now she's in year 8, she's not really bothered whether I'm back or not and we just keep each other informed by text. I still do roughly school hours, but I may not be back till a bit later if I have a lot to do. It's a hump we've muddled through.

AChickenCalledKorma · 07/07/2018 11:16

Please don't pick your child up from secondary school. They'll get slaughtered.

This is not a general rule. Plenty of kids get picked up from my daughters' school. But parents definitely stay in the car and avoid being seen or heard .

BrownTurkey · 07/07/2018 11:17

It will be fine, but do do some preparation. It can help to be around/close by/not in late for a bit when they are starting year 7, and I know some people employ a home help to be at home for a while (local older teen or grandparent). By half way through year 8 I found they were barely talking to me for the first hour home anyway.

TigerDroveAgain · 07/07/2018 11:18

Your username reflects your question I’m afraid

Snowysky20009 · 07/07/2018 11:19

They don't tend to need childcare at that age unless there is any SEND. It's the time that their independence starts to grow rapidly!!

justgivemethepinot · 07/07/2018 11:19

I'm now picturing the wide eyed horror that would creep across my sons face if I rocked up to collect him from school

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 07/07/2018 11:20

When DS started secondary he walked to and from school (its only a mile away) and than would be home for about an hour and a half to two hours before I got home. Sometimes DD would get home before me.

He was 11 years 4 months when he started year 7.

Halfblindbunny · 07/07/2018 11:21

Unless any undisclosed issues she should be ok to let herself in and be alone for a few hours. My Yr 6 boy already does this but for max 1 hour. Encourage lots of after school club participation to limit the amount of time she is alone if that helps. Your DD will start doing lots of things you can't imagine her doing now when she gets to secondary school. Start proctising her getting the bus alone over the summer hols.

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 07/07/2018 11:23

I think you need to stop treating your child as a baby and start preparing them now. There is nothing wrong with secondary school children being alone indoors for a couple of hours. Indeed some love it, they get something to eat, sit down in front of the tv & do their homework with no one telling them what to do. My eldest said it was her favourite part of the day!

OrchidInTheSun · 07/07/2018 11:25

A year six NT child should be fine left alone for a couple of hours.

nokidshere · 07/07/2018 11:30

there isn't childcare for that age

Of course there is. I have been doing after school,secondary care for years.

Generally it's a transition period for both child and parents. So when they start secondary they come back to mine for dinner or to have someone to talk to if they need to. Gradually they go home but I am available if they have a problem, or they will come to mine for a couple of days and go home for a couple of days and by the first term of yr8 they go home and have me as their emergency contact for as long as they feel they need it.

Some children/teens don't like going home to an empty house. I had one boy who came here until he was 15 because he just didn't like being alone at home.

It's easy to imagine when you have little ones that they will be self sufficient by 11 but often teens need as much input as toddlers. Starting secondary education brings its own stresses and challenges for them and having someone to offload to when they get home can help them immensely. Having 2/3 hours by yourself if you have been bullied, got into trouble, or are just finding things hard isn't helpful for some children.

bakedlikeabun · 07/07/2018 11:31

If the journey home is safe enough being in the house alone should be fine. I’m guessing mine won’t do as a pp says hers does and get homework done! Xbox all the way. Set rules re what they can’t do - answering the door is one of mine, no hot food too. Obviously at some
point that will change but not at 11.

mindutopia · 07/07/2018 11:31

I would expect them to come home and manage themselves for a few hours. At that age, I would get up, get ready on my own, and walk myself to school many mornings (mum left for work at 6am) and then walk back home after school, usually cook some food, do the dishes. My mum got home from work about 6 ish.

TheFurryMenace · 07/07/2018 11:32

Thanks for starting this thread, OP. I've been wondering the same tbh. My DD is starting Year 5 in September, but I've been thinking what an earth would I do with her in the summer holidays? I dont think after school will be much of a problem, but I am worried about her being lonely in the summer holidays.

ohdearnotmyproblem · 07/07/2018 11:33

Get bus home, let self in, eat own body weight in cereal and biscuits, and start dinner for me coming in - all of mine managed this at secondary school

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