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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weekend lie-in, wibu?

58 replies

sailorcherries · 07/07/2018 09:28

DS2 is 15 months old and gets up at 7am most days.
All through my maternity leave I done all of the night feeds and if he woke at 4am-5am I'd stay awake as there was no point going back to sleep when the eldest was up at 7.30am for school. At the weekends I done this also and let DP sleep, occasionally I'd go back to bed and he'd then get up when DS woke in the morning.

Since returning to work (education) we both get up in the morning and at weekends. DP takes DS2 downstairs first and I make the beds, tidy up etc before joining them.

Now, here comes the wibu. In a few days I'm off on holiday with the kids and my parents. DP was also invited as we couldn't afford to go away this year otherwise (my parents are kindly paying for eldest). It was all booked and DP booked annual leave (I'm off so no leave required). Then DP changed his mind and pulled out, instead if cancelling and myself and the kids missing out we are still going. DP is still on annual leave over those days (2 weeks) and promises to diy bits in the house. However he has repeatedly said he is looking forward to 2 weeks of lie ins. This morning I stayed in bed until gone 9am and made him take DS2 downstairs at 7am as I won't be getting any lie-ins and won't be relaxing for 2 weeks, however if he came we could have shared. I reasoned that it was his choice and decision that made it unfair and I deserved a rest before I took the kids away and he lazed around; he reasoned that I didn't need to go. Wibu? Me for having my lie in? Him for complaining about my lie in?

This is a very minor issue and we've never argued about who gets uo before. I also didn't mind him dropping out the holiday because my parents are still there and I wouldn't feel completely out my depth (abroad, alone with 2 kids for the first time). It means the kids get away and my house gets fixed.
Everything else is fine and dandy, it's just seeing which of us is unreasonable in being huffy this morning.

OP posts:
Cornettoninja · 07/07/2018 09:32

Oh wow he is most definitely being unreasonable. Two weeks of unhindered kid and work free time?

Suck it up buttercup - he’s going to owe a few lie ins when you’re back too unless he’s planning on taking the dc away for two weeks too?

Nanny0gg · 07/07/2018 09:37

So why has he dropped out of a family holiday?

pilates · 07/07/2018 09:38

Have I read this right, your DH has cancelled a family holiday so he can potter around at home with a bit of diy thrown in? I would be more pissed off with that.

Angrybird345 · 07/07/2018 09:39

The big problem is your dh not wanting to go on a family holiday!!!

HellenaHandbasket · 07/07/2018 09:40

Him for sure. We have a lie in each at the weekend as it is, but in your circs he would have to be massively dim to not join the dots here.

HellenaHandbasket · 07/07/2018 09:41

And yes, cancelling a family holiday is shit. Unless he doesn't get on with your parents or something

Winosaurus · 07/07/2018 09:44

Why the hell isn’t he going on your family holiday? That’s the worrying bit.
I would be incredibly hurt if my DP would rather stay at home alone for 2 weeks than come away with us Shock

Original poster
sailorcherries · 07/07/2018 09:57

He has a fear of flying and worked himself in to a panic. As I said, the holiday isn't the issue as it is something we discussed at the time.
He agreed when feeling apprehensive but after booking he became a lot worse.
At no point was he forced, at the discussion stage I told him if he said no before we booked I'd happily take the kids. It was the booking, taking leave and then cancelling which annoyed me.

I knew he didn't enjoy flying (neither do I) but not to that extent. We've only been on one foreign holiday together (over 3 years ago) and he hated it the whole time due to flying.

However the going/not going isn't the issue.

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 07/07/2018 10:44

I am probably in the wrong here, but I do not understand all this competition about who gets to lie in. When my children were small I just accepted that children were early risers and got on with it. Certainly have no recall keeping a count or even thinking about lie in's.

ohdearnotmyproblem · 07/07/2018 10:51

But surely you're going with your parents who will give you a break at some points during the two weeks? And at the end of the day that was your choice.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 07/07/2018 10:52

We don't normally. We tend to both get up and during maternity leave I got on with it because I wasn't working.

However on this one occasion I was tired and wanted a lie in and didn't feel guilty about DP not getting one because of the aforementioned holiday scenario.

OP posts:
Original poster
sailorcherries · 07/07/2018 10:55

ohdear my parents may play with the kids in the pool, be an extra pair of hands etc but they won't have them in their room and rising early.

And no our choice was to go on holiday together. His choice was to cancel after it had been booked and he had requested annual leave. If we hadn't agreed to this we'd maybe get a week somewhere in the UK together, making this a moot issue. If he had cancelled his annual leave again it is a moot issue. I wanted one lie-in before 2 weeks of mayhem while asking him for one rise alone before 2 weeks of peace an quiet.

OP posts:
toolonglurking · 07/07/2018 10:57

You probably want to have a conversation about being on the same team rather than competing with each other.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 07/07/2018 10:59

As I said before, we normally are.
We both wake, I change the baby while he goes to the toilet and freshens up. He takes the baby down for breakfast while I make the bed and freshen up.

There is not any competition.

This was a one time event. I was curious as to who was bu based on the upcoming holiday. This was the only day between now and then for a lie in which is why I wanted one.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 07/07/2018 11:02

leave the kids behind!

bringincrazyback · 07/07/2018 11:04

I am probably in the wrong here, but I do not understand all this competition about who gets to lie in. When my children were small I just accepted that children were early risers and got on with it. Certainly have no recall keeping a count or even thinking about lie in's.

We all know how much sleep deprivation sucks, though. Surely it's helpful for partners to work together so the early starts don't all fall on one parent?

ohdearnotmyproblem · 07/07/2018 11:06

So don't go on holiday with your parents and take half the lie ins.

Iloveacurry · 07/07/2018 11:07

You are not being unreasonable to have a lie in this weekend. He’s got 2 weeks, kid and work free, to do DIY. He won’t be getting up early to do that!

ohdearnotmyproblem · 07/07/2018 11:07

Or yes, that's the best idea, leave the kids behind and go withyour parents.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 07/07/2018 11:16

ohdear and disappoint my eight year old who has just packed his case? Lose £1000+?

For the last time the issue is not the holiday. I don't mind getting up with them then. The issue has never been the holiday.
The issue was today, this morning. I wanted a lie in because it was feasible, I was shattered and he would have plenty of time to 'catch up' on sleep over the next two weeks.

OP posts:
ohdearnotmyproblem · 07/07/2018 11:18

Well then that's all your choices that you make.

I think you and your husband need to talk a bit more to make sure that you are both on the same page going forward.

Have a lovely holiday.

ohdearnotmyproblem · 07/07/2018 11:19

Take the 8 year old, who will care, and surely doesn't wake at dawn, and leave the 15 month old, who won't care, and does wake early?

GabriellaMontez · 07/07/2018 11:22

Yanbu to want a lie in when he's taking two weeks off from family life.

Agree. Take the 8 year old.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 07/07/2018 11:23

ohdear I can see you are deliberately being obtuse. The holiday is not the issue. Waking early on holiday is not going to bother me. Wanting a lie in today when I'm beyond fucking knackered, and won't have a chance again for a few weeks, was the issue.
The holiday, as has been mentioned already, was mentioned because although he was tired he'd have time later on in the week.

It's not too difficult to grasp.

Have a lovely weekend.

OP posts:
Pressuredrip · 07/07/2018 11:38

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable. However when we are tired we are often unreasonable, and I reckon if you'd mentioned the night before you were having the lie in because of the holiday then he would have been less of an arse.

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