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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weekend lie-in, wibu?

58 replies

sailorcherries · 07/07/2018 09:28

DS2 is 15 months old and gets up at 7am most days.
All through my maternity leave I done all of the night feeds and if he woke at 4am-5am I'd stay awake as there was no point going back to sleep when the eldest was up at 7.30am for school. At the weekends I done this also and let DP sleep, occasionally I'd go back to bed and he'd then get up when DS woke in the morning.

Since returning to work (education) we both get up in the morning and at weekends. DP takes DS2 downstairs first and I make the beds, tidy up etc before joining them.

Now, here comes the wibu. In a few days I'm off on holiday with the kids and my parents. DP was also invited as we couldn't afford to go away this year otherwise (my parents are kindly paying for eldest). It was all booked and DP booked annual leave (I'm off so no leave required). Then DP changed his mind and pulled out, instead if cancelling and myself and the kids missing out we are still going. DP is still on annual leave over those days (2 weeks) and promises to diy bits in the house. However he has repeatedly said he is looking forward to 2 weeks of lie ins. This morning I stayed in bed until gone 9am and made him take DS2 downstairs at 7am as I won't be getting any lie-ins and won't be relaxing for 2 weeks, however if he came we could have shared. I reasoned that it was his choice and decision that made it unfair and I deserved a rest before I took the kids away and he lazed around; he reasoned that I didn't need to go. Wibu? Me for having my lie in? Him for complaining about my lie in?

This is a very minor issue and we've never argued about who gets uo before. I also didn't mind him dropping out the holiday because my parents are still there and I wouldn't feel completely out my depth (abroad, alone with 2 kids for the first time). It means the kids get away and my house gets fixed.
Everything else is fine and dandy, it's just seeing which of us is unreasonable in being huffy this morning.

OP posts:
pilates · 07/07/2018 11:41

Yes your DH is unreasonable in many ways.

SunnyCoco · 07/07/2018 11:44

He should cancel his annual leave and take it later in the year to spend time with you and the kids. Am shocked that you both think this is a good use of 10 days leave!

As for the lie in well yes of course you should have a lie in today when he’s about to have 14 in a row... 🙄

ohdearnotmyproblem · 07/07/2018 11:45

And he did get up, and you did get the lie in so I don't really know what the issue is?

ohfourfoxache · 07/07/2018 11:48

HIB spectacularly U.

So he gets 2 weeks of child free, work free time, all to himself?

He’s being very selfish. I hope you leave him a fucking enormous list of things to do whilst you’re away.

TeeniefaeTroon · 07/07/2018 11:49

I'm with Sunnycoco, why would he waste 2 whole weeks of annual leave to potter around the house in his own. Even if he changed it to one week it would be better.

KateGrey · 07/07/2018 11:51

Erm no. It’s not competition and it should be as fair as it can be. I’d be furious if my dh was planning to come on holiday and then dropped out for two weeks of pottering at home. I’d get him to cancel leave.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 07/07/2018 11:53

I did ask about changing his leave but the rest of summer was booked up (small office, all of them parents/on holiday) meaning that his time off later on would be on his own too.

Oh he's touching up the paint in the entire house, cleaning all the carpets, filling in some holes from cat claws, reglossing bannisters and doors. It won't take up his full time off but will keep him relatively busy.
It's easier for him to do that when we're away then trying to do it all over a few weekends with a toddler.

As I said, I don't mind him not coming. Myself and the kids get time away in the sun and I get a freshly decorated house.

I just wanted a lie in without him grumping haha

OP posts:
Original poster
sailorcherries · 07/07/2018 11:54

*than not then

OP posts:
MonkeysMummy17 · 07/07/2018 11:54

I think if you normally do it together then having a lie in before he has 2 weeks kids free is fair enough, but perhaps talking to him about it rather than just assuming he would understand might have helped make the whole thing a non issue Smile

Huskylover1 · 07/07/2018 11:55

Well, now that he has pulled out of the holiday, and you are fine with that, a dangerous president has been set. You are never going to have family holidays together. And when the kids leave home, and you have disposable income and time, you are not going to be able to go travelling. Personally, I'd be massively fucked off, if my DH refused to travel. It's weird. are you sure there isn't an OW that he's going to be spending the time with?

Original poster
sailorcherries · 07/07/2018 12:00

It didn't take long, there is no OW.
He is going on a two day course to become an instructor in something to do with the cadets at the end of the two week period.

We didn't discuss it beforehand no, but when DS woke DP went to the toilet and I woke up enough to look after and change him. Then said to DP about going back to bed for an hour or two.

OP posts:
Original poster
sailorcherries · 07/07/2018 12:01

And no precedent has been set. We've spoke about a mix of holidays - centre parcs, driving to France and then a plane holiday (in yearly/two yearly cycles depending on finances).

He's also going to look at trying therapy for his fear.

OP posts:
happypoobum · 07/07/2018 12:08

I couldn't get worked up about this to be honest. It sounds like you are itching for an argument.

Getting up at 7am is perfectly normal - why do you need to lie in bed later than this? If you are tired just go to bed earlier.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 07/07/2018 12:24

happypoo we didn't argue. We're back to being as we were. I wanted to know if wanting a lie in was being unreasonable.

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 07/07/2018 12:47

You wanting a lie in was not unreasonable.

Him pulling out of the family holiday like this and still taking the full 2 weeks off to potter around the case, carefree and child-free while you have to do ALL the heavy lifting on the 'family' holiday is unreasonable.

He should work for the first week, and save those days for family use. He can take 3 days off the second week for himself/the house, and the last 2 days for his course. That would be reasonable.

HugeAckmansWife · 07/07/2018 12:49

YANBU OP and there are some weird responses on here. I'm divorced so I get EOW and some of the schools hols 'off' from the kids and it's bloody bliss to be able to crack on with a task or just go at your own pace without being at the beck and call of children. Given that he is getting 2 whole weeks of that absolutely YANBU to be annoyed with him huffing about this morning. See.. I didn't even mention the holiday once 😉

AnnieAnoniMoose · 07/07/2018 12:50

He WBU, REALLY unreasonable. He has dropped you in it cancelling going with you & now has TWO WEEKS off work without any kids or anyone asking what he’s doing... and he begrudges you having a couple of hours to yourself?! He’s being a very selfish twat!

QuiteCleanBandit · 07/07/2018 12:52

Has anyone DH or your DP said you wbu?Confused
I dont get what the issue is
?
You were tired and had a lie in ?

Alicatz66 · 07/07/2018 12:54

I think he is being unreasonable not going on your family holiday ... and not letting you have a lie in .. book him on a fear of flying course before next year ... have s lovely holiday OP ! Do you think your parents would let you have one nice lie in while you are away .. worth an ask !!

JennyHolzersGhost · 07/07/2018 13:00

Well lucky him, getting a two week break from adulthood to piss around however he likes. When’s your two weeks with no responsibilities ?

HeebieJeebies456 · 07/07/2018 13:32

sounds to me like the 'extent' of his flying phobia has more to do with choosing to opt out of doing any real hands on parenting during his annual leave.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 07/07/2018 14:26

DP is a brilliant dad and very hands on at all other points.
He dropped out of the holiday in February after it was booked in January (although we didn't amend the booking until April to see if he'd change his mind/find someone who could see him before the holiday). He hasn't just turned around in the last week or so.

He has promised to look in to some form of therapy to ensure it doesn't happen again.

Quite he was arsey this morning saying he was tired too and needed to catch up on sleep. When I mentioned his two week break he huffed and off he went. As I said, minor disagreement but it's blown over. I just wanted other opinions on the great lie-in debate.

Thank you huge it's not that hard Wink

OP posts:
WhiteCat1704 · 07/07/2018 14:59

Me and DH share the load and swap the lie ins..He would never opt out of a family holidays like that..

Yanbu to want a lie in. Yabu to be ok with him checking out on you and young DC...

When are you going to have 2weeks off? Or it doesn't apply because you are a women?

QuiteCleanBandit · 07/07/2018 15:03

Oh he huffed because he knew you were right !Grin

I would be giving him a call at 6am every morning you are away so he can "talk to the children"Wink

Original poster
sailorcherries · 07/07/2018 15:18

Quite very possibly haha!

The replies about the holiday baffle me. When we were in the discussion stages I actually came on AIBU to ask whether IWBU to book the holiday without DP and everyone thought it was a good ide becauae the kids and myself wouldn't miss out Confused

OP posts:
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