Can't remember anything (no autobiographical memory)

[NotLeanButMean]

I have aphantasia (no mind's eye), so I guess it's probably linked to that, though my dad has it and remembers stuff quite well.

But I can't really remember anything. Certainly nothing from when I was a kid. I could write a few sentences on what I was like, or what I did as a teenager, but I don't have real memories (even though my teenage life was very eventful dysfunctional).

I've only really reflected on this over the past couple of months, and it's making me feel quite sad. I don't really remember anything from being pregnant, or when my DD was a baby (she's three now). I'm sad that when she grows up and leaves home, I'll never have those memories as comfort.

Never really saw the point in holidays, as I won't remember them. I'll pay for them as DD grows up, so she has those memories, but they're pretty worthless for me. I can list where I've been, and a couple of activities we did, but no 'true' memories, or any joy from them.

I'm just going down the ADHD diagnostic pathway, and I know I'll be asked about my experiences as a kid. But I just can't remember

It worries me as I've just completed a degree, and have fleeting memories of what I've learnt if I'm prompted, but not much. And I want to do a doctorate, and both will be essential in the career I've chosen. But if I can't remember any of it, what good is it?

I've thought about going to my doctor, but from research it seems this is just a rare kind of phenomenon that's studied, not treated.

Does anybody else have this?

I would go to the doctor, that sounds pretty unusual that level of lack of recall to the extent of not going on holidays

I would go to the doctor, that sounds pretty unusual that level of lack of recall to the extent of not going on holidays

But what can they do? Surely there's no way to treat? I can't find any evidence that it's linked to a condition/ disease (I work in a psychological field). I'm 25 now and as far as I can remember (ironic), I've been this way since at least 14. So surely not dementia or anything? I function quite well. I work in primary care NHS and can't think of anywhere they'd refer me onto. Maybe I will, I'm curious. And can't imagine what it would feel like if they could fix it.

Just googled some more. It basically says that there is no assessment carried out for severely deficient autobiographical memory, and it's a current area of research.

🤷🏽‍♀️ I don't think there's anything a doctor can do for me. But I found out on MN about aphantasia, and that I wasn't alone with it. So hoping I'm not alone with this either.

Can you start keeping a daily diary? what you Did, how you felt etc? x

Can you start keeping a daily diary? what you Did, how you felt etc? x

That's a good idea. Just so I have it to look back on, do you mean?

I try to take a lot of pictures and videos (mainly of my DD). They bring me a bit of comfort. But also make me sad, as I realise I don't recognise the little baby in them whatsoever.

Yes just for you or even for your little one to read in the future. But I agree with the poster that advised a chat with your GP too.

Thank you, I'll start doing that. I've also emailed a leading neuroscientist lecturer who is interested in memory, to see what he thinks.

Shamelessly bumping this thread by posting this.

There was something about this on Radio 4 last week. Sorry I don't know the name of the programme but they mentioned research.

I think it might have been discussed on last week's 'all in the mind' on radio 4?

I hear you OP. I am very similar to you. I have very little memories for people and places and childhood. I never knew it had a name. I thought it was just me.

I have no childhood memories really. I can picture certain places but can't recall events.

Huh. I am like this too. I also thought it was just how I was. I didn’t realise it was an actual thing. I have to say it has never bothered me that much but I have also not stopped to think about it much either. My dh is always saying to me “Do you remember when...” and my answer is always no!

I am the same op. I have friendrs who remember every thing. Not me!
Nowadays with photo cameras it's easy to keep a photo diary. Just post them to yourself on Facebook. Works as a handy reminder.

On a positive note, I never hold anger with anyone as I never remember why I was upset by them!

I’m similar OP.

And I work in a very high pressure ‘high stakes’ job. I have to spend a lot of time revising things I have known several times over and forgotten.

I also have very minimal childhood memories, but struggle with events over the recent years as well.

How strange, I was talking about this today. I didn't realise it was a thing either, I don't remember much at all from childhood and I see pictures of my DD, who is only almost four, as a baby and can't remember her looking like that :-(

I am SO happy to hear there are others like me (though feel a bit of a narcissistic twat for the email I just sent the researcher where I proclaim to be quite novel ).

Does it not really affect you then? Even as parents?

I think I'm just overly self aware (an anxious nightmare), so maybe to others, it's not much of a bit deal. Whereas to me, it feels like my whole life is a waste!

I know someone who has this. He doesn’t remember the birth of his children (who are displaying similar traits). I hope you can get some help.

I do keep a diary. I can recall places which helps me remember how I felt even if I can't recall faces and events.
With me I think it is a survival technique. There's parts of my childhood I don't want to remember. Can you cultivate forgetting?

Yeah, my ex boyfriend used to say I was really lucky as he'd imagine (mental) things about what I'd supposedly done, whereas I could just forget bad stuff.

The downside of that was that I stayed in that abusive relationship for far longer than I should have, I think primarily because I couldn't remember how I felt when I was treated so badly,

He doesn’t remember the birth of his children (who are displaying similar traits)

My DD is only three, but her memory is crazily good. I'll take her to somewhere she's been a year ago, and she'll remember facts about it. It's commented on a lot. I'm hoping this is a sign that she hasn't inherited it (though the jury is still out on my ADHD or her dads bipolar)

Have you looked up dissociative amnesia- which is where you ‘forget’ your past? Dissociation is usually a coping strategy.

I forget and have forgotten loads of things. I can remember more of my own children, but very little of my own past before them, or things which happened to me as an adult which do not involve them.

I have looked into it, but it seems that facts and figures are usually forgotten in that kind of amnesia, and it's usually linked to trauma. SDAM fits with my symptoms much more neatly. Have you looked at SDAM?

My memory is weird, I've always struggled with names from the past and like OP I can't remember massive chunks of my childhood and past, but my brain is full of random facts and I had really good recall of names of clients, events etc in my last job, colleagues used to comment on my super memory - if only they knew!

People that have similar - do you have aphantasia too? Can you picture things in your head?

I’m exactly the same. Doesn’t really bother me, to be honest. I do find that I live in the here-and-now more than most, but that’s OK.