Can't remember anything (no autobiographical memory)

[NotLeanButMean]

I have aphantasia (no mind's eye), so I guess it's probably linked to that, though my dad has it and remembers stuff quite well.

But I can't really remember anything. Certainly nothing from when I was a kid. I could write a few sentences on what I was like, or what I did as a teenager, but I don't have real memories (even though my teenage life was very eventful dysfunctional).

I've only really reflected on this over the past couple of months, and it's making me feel quite sad. I don't really remember anything from being pregnant, or when my DD was a baby (she's three now). I'm sad that when she grows up and leaves home, I'll never have those memories as comfort.

Never really saw the point in holidays, as I won't remember them. I'll pay for them as DD grows up, so she has those memories, but they're pretty worthless for me. I can list where I've been, and a couple of activities we did, but no 'true' memories, or any joy from them.

I'm just going down the ADHD diagnostic pathway, and I know I'll be asked about my experiences as a kid. But I just can't remember

It worries me as I've just completed a degree, and have fleeting memories of what I've learnt if I'm prompted, but not much. And I want to do a doctorate, and both will be essential in the career I've chosen. But if I can't remember any of it, what good is it?

I've thought about going to my doctor, but from research it seems this is just a rare kind of phenomenon that's studied, not treated.

Does anybody else have this?

I also have aphantasia.

I recently learned about aphantasia after struggling to understand why I had no childhood memories and s complete inability to ‘picture’ things. It’s pretty crap really. Makes me sad to realise that all the memories I have are mainly from photos etc... whereas my husband can actually ‘see’ things in his mind. When I imagine or think it’s all words.. frustrating!! Yoga and mindfulness is a no go for me!

No, i definitely can picture things in my head (im an avid daydreamer!) But i have absolutely no sense of direction and struggle a bit with numbers

Fascinating
I have no childhood memories, they are all from photos
I always thought I was very odd. Even memories I have are not real. If that bakes sense. They are inferred from other conversations

Makes sense!

It definitely makes sense! Mine are the same. I'm wondering whether to lie to the psychiatrist assessing my ADHD when he asks about childhood experiences (well, not lie, but just tell the stories my family have told me re my lifelong forgetfulness/ disorganisation/ procrastination), or tell the truth, which will take a lot longer (at £10 a minute) and have to get other people involved,, which will be added expense and time.

Does it not bother any of you that much?

Definitely don’t lie
Otherwise what’s the point in doing it

I can't picture things in my head.

I remember my childhood fine but I have blocked out everything nearly of being with my ex so with me think it's a coping mechanism.

I'm not seriously considering lying. I'm rubbish at it anyway. It's just a bit daunting (at what will be an already daunting, life changing appointment) to suddenly say 'actually I can't remember anything' and go into all of that whilst speaking about my many other faults and problems.

This threads made me feel better though. A recent article I read said there had only been 5 people worldwide diagnosed with SDAM.

Interesting. I have very vivid recall of childhood, earlier life, holidays etc. DH is always amazed, so I think my level of recall is probably higher than normal, his is probably normal, but our DS, well, he has very little recall, even of major holidays such as the one (and only one) to Disney in Florida. So maybe there's a spectrum and we're all on it somewhere?

I hope your contact with the psychiatrist and neuroscientist brings you some answers.

This is interesting! I can’t remember massive parts of my life, but what is a normal amount to remember? I tend to remember bits from childhood after looking at a photo but can’t really remember much of generally how life was/people etc even when I was older.
I struggle to remember what my DD was like and what she felt like when she was a few weeks old and she’s only 6 months now! I do remember most of her birth though so maybe it’s just the ordinary stuff I don’t remember without being prompted?

Sounds like what I have (I also have face blindness and tone deafness). Have never remembered my past beyond say a year or two. Occasionally I meet people who used to know me well but I have no idea who they are, even when they tell me.

I have always been like this so it doesn't upset me because I have never known anything else. I have photos and letters from the past but cant remember my childhood, schooling, birth of children... It doesn't upset me or take up much thinking time, it is what it is. What else can I do?

Please go to the doctor. They will at the very least be able to carry out an MRI to check it's nothing more sinister

I don’t have your condition but when I remember something from my childhood it’s a picture in my mind. If I wasn’t able to do that I’d have no memories.

I think my DH has a milder form of what you describe OP.

He can remember things he needs to do on a day to day basis (eg- what he's go on at work, what time to go to sports clubs, when to collect the kids etc) but has very little medium to long term memory.

Eg. He cannot remember much about the birth of the DC or their early years (despite, or maybe because(!) of the fact that I was working and he was the main carer), holidays we have had, our wedding day etc.

This is to the extent that we have visited places that he and i stayed at before the DC and he has also been on holiday to as a child but he will have no recollection of ever visiting.

As the children are getting older he is finding this quite upsetting- as he has very few memories of them as babies or the places we went to with them or as a young couple.

Oddly, however, he has an amazing memory for faces.

I always assumed this was just him, and a product of the various stresses he's had (when the DC were small as well as caring for them he was helping look after his terminally ill dad and his mum was also unwell etc). I'm starting to wonder if it's something different.

*They will at the very least be able to carry out an MRI to check it's nothing more sinister
When you have had it for 40+ years I am not sure its anything more sinister than what it is.

My memory seems similar - I have 3 snapshot memories of my life up to age 18, all of which were traumatic events. From age 18 to mid-30s, I have about 6 snapshot memories and about 3 sequence memories, and during those years, I couldn't remember my age (I'd have to work it out from the current year and my birth year).

I've had neuropsychological testing, which has revealed specific deficits in memory, and I've studied neuroscience and psychology at university - partially in an attempt to understand myself!

My case is complicated by multiple medical conditions, and chronic pain, which individually can also severely impact memory. It is very difficult.

Good point OP about what a GP can do - I suppose I was thinking along the same lines as a PP mentioned - about definitively ruling out anything sinister / that could get worse and impact any other aspects of your life (to be clear - I don’t have anything in mind here and am not a clinician)

The research angle would be very interesting though - especially if it is under researched and they have limited idea of how many people this is their experience

No, I have not looked at SDAM, because I went through a phase of dissociating after some things which happened so I know I do that. But I had never really thought about the absence of chunks of the past not fitting with that.

I can remember my childhood until I was about eleven, at least sections of it. Then there are my teenage years and whole sections of my twenties which are really a blank. But I think it is more that I don’t want to remember them because I do have bits floating about. I was going through some photos yesterday from then, as I am clearing out, and I just don’t want to remember. So I think it is a mixture for me, but I will look at SDAM, thanks

I think this is v interesting. I was just wondering yesterday whether I might look more into the various functions or difficulties a person might have with memory. My only recollections are based on times when I sort of peered through the fog and became aware that I was experiencing an event and that i was kind of "logging" it. I don't know how else to describe it but I'm aware of that process when it happens. I've never tried to control or hone this so my memories are random collections of things like how it felt to put this particular shoe on once. There's no one to recall my early life with but I have 3 photo albums that cover my life up to my 30s. I never really think to look in them though.

I can see images better with my eyes open. Eg I'm in my bedroom and if I try to imagine a beach I can see it better thinking about it with my eyes open than shut.
I tried an online test and found it very hard to make myself see something.
I imagine but it's not like pictures or a film and I'm very good at imagining how something could look or be but I don't see it as a clear picture.
I'm also not great with faces.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences, it's very interesting and made me feel less of an oddball

I'm the same. Can't remember much at all from my childhood, my degree or holidays I've been on. I forget people I've worked with after a year. My short term memory is fine. I didn't know there was a name for it. I just tell people I've a poor memory.

I lost my memory last year. A frightening experience . I had severe stress triggered by work stuff and other things. I rely on my memory a great deal as I am a bit dispraxic .
It came back with CBT for the stress . If you stein a high powered job could stress e exacerbating an e siting condition ?

Interesting thread, as only last night we were talking about My husband’s late grandmother who suffered an emotional trauma in her thirties and said that from that moment on she completely lost her memory of her whole life before that. So could not remember the birth of her children or family holidays when they were small. Her son (my FIL) just found hundreds of daily diaries she had kept from them on as she was afraid she’d forget even more. As far as we know she never sought medical help (this all took place in rural Norway in the 1970s). She was generally quite a robust and practical woman and the event that seems to have triggered this was not connected to her past, so it wasn’t a protective blocking out of difficult memories.