Can't remember anything (no autobiographical memory)

[NotLeanButMean]

I have aphantasia (no mind's eye), so I guess it's probably linked to that, though my dad has it and remembers stuff quite well.

But I can't really remember anything. Certainly nothing from when I was a kid. I could write a few sentences on what I was like, or what I did as a teenager, but I don't have real memories (even though my teenage life was very eventful dysfunctional).

I've only really reflected on this over the past couple of months, and it's making me feel quite sad. I don't really remember anything from being pregnant, or when my DD was a baby (she's three now). I'm sad that when she grows up and leaves home, I'll never have those memories as comfort.

Never really saw the point in holidays, as I won't remember them. I'll pay for them as DD grows up, so she has those memories, but they're pretty worthless for me. I can list where I've been, and a couple of activities we did, but no 'true' memories, or any joy from them.

I'm just going down the ADHD diagnostic pathway, and I know I'll be asked about my experiences as a kid. But I just can't remember

It worries me as I've just completed a degree, and have fleeting memories of what I've learnt if I'm prompted, but not much. And I want to do a doctorate, and both will be essential in the career I've chosen. But if I can't remember any of it, what good is it?

I've thought about going to my doctor, but from research it seems this is just a rare kind of phenomenon that's studied, not treated.

Does anybody else have this?

This is an interesting thread.

I don't have this syndrome, I'm sure as I do see pictures in my mind's eye, and I also do have memories from childhood/early days if I see a photo or push myself to remember.

However, I realised years ago that I spend far less time than some people thinking about the past, and almost never reminisce about things. I've insulted quite a few people over the years as I don't remember events they think are significant, or holidays they really loved. I can remember if I look at the photos- but am often surprised in photos by what I did and where I went- if the photo wasn't there, I think I would never think about these things again. I don't even think about what I did last week ever again, it's passed now and in the past.

In some ways, this can be an advantage. I don't spend a lot of time mulling over stuff, unless it's a current problem, and I tend to live in the moment, so if I'm happy now, then the fact I had a bad year doesn't really bother me. I also don't bear grudges as can't really feel that emotional about past events, if the person is nice in the now, I find it hard to remember they were otherwise, with a few exceptions for very horrible events.

I do think it must be disturbing if you have no sense of yourself from a certain point onwards and I can understand why you would want to document your life.

For me it's not extreme and so not that bothersome, I can also reread and rewatch programmes, often several times, even detective programmes as I always forget whodunnit, even if I kind of start to remember some familiar bits of the plot. My husband cannot understand how I can't remember I've seen films/plots before, he always knows what's coming!

I have both aphantasia and poor recall. I'm late 40s now and wish I'd written a diary. I've had a fantastic life and forgotten so much.

I had some childhood trauma that I suspect I've 'blocked out' and wonder if it's related.

I also can't be hypnotised which is I think my brains way of not letting things come back so to speak

I also wonder if I have hf autism (been looking into this for my son)

God, I thought this was just me! I also have aphantasia.

Funnily enough I met someone I went to school with, in a bar last night. She remembers me, I had no idea who she was and can’t really remember anything about school other than a few flash memories. She was reeling off names of teachers and people in our year and I was drawing a complete blank.

I can remember facts, like ‘we went to Cornwall in 2015’ but I have no idea what we did there. I can’t remember my children being small, I can’t remember people from my past easily or often at all.

I have bipolar and bpd and tbh just thought it was to do with that.

Like when I realised that having a minds eye was a real thing, I only recently realised that people have memories that play like a film.

I thought it was just me with allmost no memorieis of childhood and young age.
It is sort of reassuring to read the thread.

When I spoke about it a few years ago with my GP, she told me I could not have any memory impairment because I have a uni degree:-(

Sometimes I feel very lost.