Sexually Harassed by Neigbour

[yellowpaper]

I’m a young single parent. Lovely leafy lane suburb with wonderful neighbours- most of them elderly or young couples. I am the only person of my ethnicity and religion within several streets of the area. I have a young child and have lived there for several years. I stand out quite a bit but have made real efforts over the years to get to know my neighbours and help where I can. I have helped elderly neighbours with hospital visits, shopping and general drop ins. They have reciprocated really well and genuinely been interested in knowing more about me and my culture with some interesting stereotypes I’ve helped correct along the way. I have been to funerals and celebrations as much as possible so I am not isolated or seen as being aloof.

One particular neighbour however has made several inappropriate comments towards me directly or indirectly almost on a weekly basis and it makes my skin crawl. . I don’t know how I can politely tell him to stop. Some examples are:

Arriving at my house with a giant pair of secateurs saying he would like access to my bedroom to trim the rose bush that grows between our houses. Big grin on his face with him saying he loves being in a ladies bedroom.

Asking if I would like a back scrub when I have explained I didn’t answer the door as I was in the shower

Telling me he loves oggling at me

Asked me why I don’t hang my undies out on the washing line so he can have a look.

Suggesting ways in which I can return favours (he takes my bins in when I am at work- I have not asked him to do this)

I get on really well with his wife it’s just him.

How do I tell him to stop in a way that does not alienate me from his wife and neighbours? I have worked so hard to build up great relationships and am loathe to think that it could all be gone if me telling him to stop backfires on me. Most of the neighbours are his friends. I also feel really pathetic that I do not have the willpower to tell him to stop as despite how often he makes these comments I am always stunned and shocked. I also think he enjoys this reaction from me.

90% of me is saying ignore it, carry on as I am worried about this spreading and me then being maligned in some way. AIBU?

His behaviour is totally unacceptable. Next time can you record him on your mobile? Then play it back to him and ask if he thinks it's an acceptable way to speak to you. He will no doubt bluster and you then tell him, if you do not stop I will play this and other inappropriate comments you have made which I have recorded to your wife.

It should shut him down and he will probably never speak to you again, which would be a bonus.

Good luck.

Start keeping a detailed diary of all his comments and your replies, tell him to stop speaking to you in that manner.
If he does not stop, report him to the police, it is sexual and racial harassment, which they should take seriously.

If you are a council tenant, report him to the council.

The rules for ASBOs have changed recently, you don't need proof of your complaint, now it is enough to complete the paperwork, so that could be another route for you.

Don't let him intimate you, don't engage with him, do not ask him to explain in detail his comments. Just say, "Do not speak to me like that again" and walk away, slam the door etc.

I'd go one step further, @AdaColeman - I would keep the notebook to hand and make the notes at the time - so he knows that a record is being kept.