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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this "friend" is a cf and not a friend at all

55 replies

Specky12 · 06/07/2018 13:14

Big history with this friend, basically i had a very close friendship with someone (D) and then a few years ago this new friend (G) became close with us both. We hung out, had kids the same age, socialised, meals out etc. Anyway D annoyed me over something trivial to do with the kids and wrongly I vented by text to G and she screeshotted it all and sent it to D. D was in a bad place, marriage breaking and miscarriage threat and she just couldn't deal with this too and shut down. We talk occasionally now but our friendship has never been the same since because understandably D felt betrayed. I take responsibility for this fully but it was hard as both D & G turned against me and virtually ignored me after this for months.

G moved house a year ago and out of the blue asked to.borrow by £350 petrol lawnmower. I was so pleased she contacted me and thought maybe we could be friends again and lent it to her. A few months passed and I needed it back. I asked several times and had lots of yes I bring it but it never materialised. Then she said she had lent it to a friend, then her dad, then eventually a few weeks ago she said it had stopped working so she threw it out. I had only ever used it once!
I asked why she didn't check with me so I could try and fix it, no answer. I asked her to contribute to a new one and got a load of abuse back about what a horrible person I am and now she has blocked me. We see each other on school runs and she ignores me.

So now I have lost both my friends and my lawnmower! Aibu to think G deliberately ruined my friendship with D (I know it was my fault but she sent screenshots and was gleeful at our friendship dying) and that she is a user and horrible person?

OP posts:
Racecardriver · 06/07/2018 13:18

Well you can't blame G for the messages you sent but you can report her to the police for theft if it makes you feel better.

Pigglesworth · 06/07/2018 13:19

YANBU. Sorry you had this experience.

Whatdoido2018 · 06/07/2018 13:23

Def report to Police for theft and make an application to the small claims court. Only costs £60 and if found guilty - she will - she will end up with a CCJ

Amber0685 · 06/07/2018 13:23

That's awful op. I would tell G You want your lawnmower back or will be reporting her to the police. She sounds nasty. With D all you can do is apologise, don't bring G into it, you were friends before she came along.

Original poster
Specky12 · 06/07/2018 13:23

My messages were not that bad btw, her child was being mean to mine, I spoke to her about it non confrontationally and then it happened right in front of us that day and D just ignored her child shouting and hitting mine and I was pissed off. G was there and messaged me later to check my child was ok and ask if I was going to say anything more and I replied saying how annoyed I was with situation!

OP posts:
Original poster
Specky12 · 06/07/2018 13:27

I did apologise to D and she said she was hurt but that it would be ok eventually but then over time distanced herself more and more. What's weird is that as soon as D and I were virtually no longer friends G dropped D too.

OP posts:
Stormy76 · 06/07/2018 13:50

I would report it to the police and take her to the small claims court, she sounds like a nasty piece of work and yes you shouldn't have sent the texts but at the same time she was the one who shit stirred and caused your friendship to end.

Original poster
Specky12 · 06/07/2018 13:58

It hadn't occurred to me to involve the police. It seems very drastic and she works in social care, would she not lose her job? She's a single mum...

OP posts:
Hissy · 06/07/2018 14:00

Looks like you were Wendied by G. swoops in, and ousts you from your friend group.

Let's look at what happened - you trusted G and vented something perfectly reasonable to her. SHE then took the decision to pass that information on (and WAY more stuff G'd have made up I'd be willing to bet) but your apology isn't truly accepted by D. That's her decision, but from what you describe I don't know anyone that would be happy to see their child be hit and shouted at by someone else's while the mother just ignores it.

Your only mistake in all this is to allow someone who you already know will work to betray you at any opportunity another shot to do so.

Get the court application done and tell G to replace your mower or you will submit the court papers

StringandGlitter · 06/07/2018 14:27

G sounds untrustworthy. I wouldn’t give her a chance to return lawnmower with an ultimatum otherwise she may sneak in and put in a spurious claim about you first, putting you on back foot!

You’ve given her plenty of chances to return it.
Either contact police or put in small claims application (not sure which is best so perhaps others could advise their).

Don’t give her a head start!

StringandGlitter · 06/07/2018 14:29

*there

If once you’ve put in a small claim can you withdraw it if they return goods before court date?

NotTheFordType · 06/07/2018 14:30

As you lent her the lawnmower initially of your own free will, this is a civil matter not criminal. Small claims court is the way to go here. Make sure you keep all the texts/messages so you can present your claim with evidence.

Shumpalumpa · 06/07/2018 14:37

Why on earth did you want to be friends with G after she shit stirred trouble between you and D?

Mousefunky · 06/07/2018 14:44

G sounds like a total twat. No idea why you even wanted her in your life after she stirred up shit and essentially ruined your friendship with D. I’m sure many of us vent about people behind their backs, we don’t expect that person to then tell the other one and if they do, they are stirring the pot. You shouldn’t have lent her something so expensive since she’s clearly untrustworthy.

Agreed with others about a civil claim, £350 is a lot to lose.

ThereIsIron · 06/07/2018 15:04

How do you "throw out" a petrol lawnmower Hmm .. I reckon she still has it, albeit it may be out of petrol therefore "not working". FWIW our petrol lawnmower is 18 years old.

Juells · 06/07/2018 15:08

Small Claims court is very easy and non-stressful, I've had experience of it twice. Once when I was 'the accused' and once when I persuaded my sister to get her money back from a garage who claimed to have changed her timing belt but didn't. Both times had a very fair judge - fair because they found for me and my sis 😁

If you think it might be scary, try to sit in on a session beforehand. It's all very low key and informal, with common sense judgements.

Do you still have the receipt for the mower?
Do you still have texts asking for it back and being refused? If not, start up a text or email conversation again to get proof that she's had the mower and not returned it.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 06/07/2018 15:08

YANBU G is an bitch. If she didn't want to be part of your vent she could have said she didn't want to get involved. Screen shotting it and sending it to D was stirring massively and can't have been nice for D with all that going on. I agree with PP she probably does still have it or has given it to someone and can't be bothered to get it back.

diddl · 06/07/2018 15:09

" I was so pleased she contacted me and thought maybe we could be friends again and lent it to her."

How strange-no contact until she wants something & you think that that is a sign of friendship?

I'm not sure that either of them were friends tbh.

G for shitstirring & D because she still isn't over the fact that you said something (albeit about her child) annoyed you!

Original poster
Specky12 · 06/07/2018 15:44

I realise how needy it sounds seeing her borrowing the lawnmower as a sign of friendship but at that point I felt the whole thing was my fault and her sending the screenshots just her being a good friend to D by not putting up with my crap. Now I wonder as she asked me about it and sent them minutes later and her recent behaviour makes me re-evaluate how well we really knew her.
In D's defence, I think she does forgive me but the time that passed without us talking made things awkward. She is friendly now but distant and we don't socialise.

OP posts:
Starlighter · 06/07/2018 15:52

^^“That's awful op. I would tell G You want your lawnmower back or will be reporting her to the police. She sounds nasty. With D all you can do is apologise, don't bring G into it, you were friends before she came along.”

What amber said ^

HollowTalk · 06/07/2018 15:57

As a PP said, it's not a police matter; it's a civil matter. You should take her to the Small Claims Court.

Here are the details.

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 06/07/2018 15:59

G is a cunt. Take her to the small claims court for your lawnmower.

We live. We learn.

longwayoff · 06/07/2018 16:10

Go to her house when her husband is in. Knock and hope he answers (good chance as she wont want to speak to you)' Tell him you've come for the mower they borrowed. Gimlet eye. Tap foot. He will fetch it. If says hasnt got it tell him you need to borrow theirs. Right now. Dont bother the police.

Original poster
Specky12 · 06/07/2018 16:12

She's single...

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 06/07/2018 16:19

Just send her a message preferably by email and a gard copy stating that you need the lawnmower back, or else the sum of money to replace it, giving seven days to do so. Then say ( and mean) that if she doesn’t return your property in this timeframe you will issue proceeding through the small claims court.

I imagine your lawnmower or cash will appear.