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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this "friend" is a cf and not a friend at all

55 replies

Specky12 · 06/07/2018 13:14

Big history with this friend, basically i had a very close friendship with someone (D) and then a few years ago this new friend (G) became close with us both. We hung out, had kids the same age, socialised, meals out etc. Anyway D annoyed me over something trivial to do with the kids and wrongly I vented by text to G and she screeshotted it all and sent it to D. D was in a bad place, marriage breaking and miscarriage threat and she just couldn't deal with this too and shut down. We talk occasionally now but our friendship has never been the same since because understandably D felt betrayed. I take responsibility for this fully but it was hard as both D & G turned against me and virtually ignored me after this for months.

G moved house a year ago and out of the blue asked to.borrow by £350 petrol lawnmower. I was so pleased she contacted me and thought maybe we could be friends again and lent it to her. A few months passed and I needed it back. I asked several times and had lots of yes I bring it but it never materialised. Then she said she had lent it to a friend, then her dad, then eventually a few weeks ago she said it had stopped working so she threw it out. I had only ever used it once!
I asked why she didn't check with me so I could try and fix it, no answer. I asked her to contribute to a new one and got a load of abuse back about what a horrible person I am and now she has blocked me. We see each other on school runs and she ignores me.

So now I have lost both my friends and my lawnmower! Aibu to think G deliberately ruined my friendship with D (I know it was my fault but she sent screenshots and was gleeful at our friendship dying) and that she is a user and horrible person?

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 06/07/2018 16:27

G destroyed your friendship on purpose.

Then G stole your lawnmower. My bet is she sold it.

Contact the police and/or small claims court.

yorkshireyummymummy · 06/07/2018 16:29

Small claims court. All the way.

If you want to try and repair things with D I would ask her for a coffee. I would then apologise for the messages but tell her what you believe has happened - G has deliberately got you to vent and then within minutes sent the screenshots to D. This was planned. Any ‘normal ‘ friend would not send the screenshots and if they did they would ‘ummm’ and ‘errrrr’ about it before doing it - not do it within minutes.

And who the hell borrows an expensive lawnmower, ‘lends’ it to their dad, then their friend then throws it out as it’s ‘ broken’!!? Bollocks to that!! Small claims court her. She needs stopping. Women like this let us ALL down.

Iamtryingtobenicehere · 06/07/2018 16:31

You’re not going to lose a friendship because you’re being treated really badly by G so you have nothing to lose by asking her for the cash equivalents or your lawnmower back and if neither are forthcoming you will be going to the small claims court.

Basically everything Matildathecat says is what I wanted to say to you.

If you point out to G that a ccj will be with her for a very long time and will affect her future credit, mortgages and maybe even her job prospects (I don’t know that it actually will, but hell, why not scare the bitch)

Good luck Flowers

KickAssAngel · 06/07/2018 16:33

My bet is she sold it.

Give her one last chance & tell her you're ready to go to small claims for the full cost, or she can give you xxx (maybe 200?) now and you'll let her off the rest. (If small claims cost 60, and the hassle, I'm thinking it's better to get some cash now).

But only do that if you're prepared to stick to it. Not 100 now and the rest later.

She's not a friend. She's someone who's stolen from you. If it affects her job perhaps she could try NOT stealing in future.

redcarbluecar · 06/07/2018 16:41

G sounds weird and manipulative. I guess you’ve learned your lesson with her. I agree with PP about trying to rebuild the bridges with D, assuming you think D’a friendship is worth the effort.

flopsyandjim · 06/07/2018 16:51

definitely small claims court and don't let her intimidate you out of it. If you have screenshots of the messages use them as evidence but if she's blocked you, then you might not have access to the messages anymore.

flopsyandjim · 06/07/2018 16:51

PS don't worry about her job. You owe her nothing. She only has herself to blame if it affects her employment prospects. Be strong.

spacewitch99 · 06/07/2018 16:52

What a few others have said already.
Tell her you want the mower back...or the cost to replace...and if neither materialises within 7 days, you will either report it as stolen or claim for it through small claims.
You say she works in social care? She will certainly do something to ensure she doesn’t get taken to court. It could cost her her job as it will show up on any future disclosures.
Scares me that people like her work in social care....

Clubcuts · 06/07/2018 16:55

She pulled you into moaning about mutual friend, she's nasty!

Small claims court definitely!

Original poster
Specky12 · 06/07/2018 17:05

Thank you, I must admit I expected to just get flamed for venting about D and told it was all my own fault. I have had so much guilt over it for almost 2 years. I am so ashamed.

I don't want court action, the school is small, she is popular, and her daughter is mean to mine already without adding fuel... Guess lesson is learnt.

OP posts:
SteveMcGarrettsBudgieSmugglers · 06/07/2018 17:23

you wont have court action you will get your money or mower back

flopsyrabbit1 · 06/07/2018 17:31

id damage something of hers,just dont get caught

Angrybird345 · 06/07/2018 17:36

Tell her you will be going to the police - she might find a second hand mower that is the same as yours!

Coyoacan · 06/07/2018 17:51

"G destroyed your friendship on purpose.

Then G stole your lawnmower. My bet is she sold it.

Contact the police and/or small claims court."

We are all allowed to vent and personally I prefer to vent with my friends's friends. She enticed you into opening up and then sent this information in a nasty and hurtful way to someone who was already going through a hard time. How evil is that!

And on top of that she is a thief

Marmablade · 06/07/2018 17:57

It took us 7 months from filing for small claims till court date. There were 2 mediation opportunities he refused to engage with before court so there's plenty of time to resolve it before court.

I lent her my £350 lawnmower I'd only used once and after asking for it back several times she threw it away without giving it back to me to repair or paying to repair it herself. I therefore want £350 plus costs to put me back in the position I was before I lent it to her.

Juells · 06/07/2018 21:12

I don't want court action, the school is small, she is popular, and her daughter is mean to mine already without adding fuel... Guess lesson is learnt.

But...do you not see that the reason her daughter is mean to yours, and she takes your property and won't give it back, is because you allow those things to happen? She simply doesn't care, so I'd make her care.

Doesn't matter how small the school is, she won't want people to know she's being taken to court for stealing your property. Who wants to be known as a thief? Put everything in motion before warning her though, so she can't turn it back on you. Report it stolen to the police, and start the small claims court action. Honestly, it's as easy as anything. She's a CF, teach her to respect you.

Donotbequotingmeinbold · 06/07/2018 21:18

She has stolen your lawnmower.

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 06/07/2018 21:22

It hadn't occurred to me to involve the police. It seems very drastic and she works in social care, would she not lose her job? She's a single mum...

Being a little blunt maybe, but why is that your problem? She's sold the mower, OP, and all this "oooo your been a horrid friend" caper is just trying to bulldoze out of the situation. Small claims or police, definitely.

Blackness78 · 06/07/2018 21:26

I doubt the lawnmower is broken. She has probably sold it, or wanted to keep it.

Very convenient that she has now turned this around on you.

They both sound like twats.

TheMagnificentEthel · 06/07/2018 22:18

You need some better friends. These two are defective.

pambeasley · 06/07/2018 23:35

Don't let her bully you and your daughter. You have to stand up to people like this. Have you spoken to the school about her kid?

namechangedbcos · 07/07/2018 07:08

My god, what would it really take for you to get angry, if this doesn't? This person ruined one of your friendships, stole your lawnmover and has been abusive to you about it, and you are worried about her being a single mom and popular in society? OP, are you angling for some kind of martyrdom?

You don't have to take her to small claims court. Just send her a text saying you are going to do so and see what happens.

Juells · 07/07/2018 11:29

Apologies for haranguing you, but you're thinking from her side of the problem all the time, instead of from your own. She doesn't give two flying fucks about you, and you're tying yourself in knots in case you'll be 'unfair' or it will impact her career. If she works in social care, should she be around vulnerable people? Somebody needs to put a stop to her nastiness and show her it isn't consequence-free.

namechangedbcos · 22/08/2018 07:53

Any update, OP?

Teaandcrisps · 22/08/2018 08:05

Call Judge Rinder Grin