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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tell me why 2 children is enough?

100 replies

BlueSatsuma · 06/07/2018 01:00

EVen though I know it is!

I’m almost 40 so it’s a panic thought!

I’ve 2 chronic illnesses and can’t cope with anymore but I LOVE LOVE Babies.

OP posts:
Lawrence22 · 06/07/2018 11:43

Oh, and my third pregnancy wrecked my body. The stretch marks, dodgy pelvic floor, saggy belly, droopy boobs only came along with the third - I actually looked quite good after the first two! (And no, no big age gap to explain the difference)

Cismyass · 06/07/2018 11:44

Because being a middle child is shit ruining your mental health and life (in my case).

BounceAndClimb · 06/07/2018 11:46

You need to think whether you want a third child, teenager and adult child rather than a third baby. Think how old your others are too, if they're a bit older then having a baby now will mean having a teenager in your 50's. If that's something you want then that's great but if not then wanting a baby (which only lasts about a year!) Isn't a good reason to have another.

We have 3 but that decision was based on wanting a bigger family and thinking through whether we wanted 2 or 3 children throughout all ages rather than liking babies.

Crunchymum · 06/07/2018 11:46

I hate to be the voice of doom but I say this on all threads of this nature.

Would you be prepared for a SN baby or disabled baby?

This is the situation we found ourselves with our 3rd. You have to ask yourself some potentially painful questions

BounceAndClimb · 06/07/2018 11:47

@cismyass Sad what do you think was the main issues? I'd hate for my middle child to feel any different from her brother or sister.

Hillarious · 06/07/2018 12:34

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius - our rule for the car is that when there are five of us in it, the smallest sits in the middle in the back . . . that's been me for a while now.

Takfujimoto · 06/07/2018 12:44

We have three, but they're spaced 4-5 years apart, no more though and if we'd only had two and hadn't had our 'surprise' baby before 40 I wouldn't have willingly gone ahead with a third.

blueshoes · 06/07/2018 12:55

OP, I suggest you go and find a job working with babies, rather than make your own.

Crunchymum makes a good point about an SN baby. What would you do in that situation.

BlueSapp · 06/07/2018 12:58

Cismyass, This is a load of rubbish, as long as you treat all your children equally this is not a thing!
Crunchymum I think you need this approach with any pregnancy, 1st, 2nd, 3rd or more. while some pregnancies are low risk for any SN all pregnancies have an element of unknown risk for any of this.

Any decision people make on how many children to have should be based on your own circumstances and how you would feel and cope as a couple with any more children. Society will not fall down if people have a third baby!

Jaxhog · 06/07/2018 13:02

Loving babies is a poor reason for having more children. Babies grow into people, don't forget. If you love babies, go and volunteer to look after other people's .

But if you can afford it (not with welfare though), and you're prepared for 25+ years of looking after another person, go ahead.

blueshoes · 06/07/2018 13:05

Bluesap: Crunchymum I think you need this approach with any pregnancy, 1st, 2nd, 3rd or more. while some pregnancies are low risk for any SN all pregnancies have an element of unknown risk for any of this.

The point is that the OP is looking at a third baby with rose tinted glasses. She is not rational nor necessarily acting in the interests of that 3rd baby or her family.

NemoRocksMyWorld · 06/07/2018 13:15

I have 4 DC. I don't regret any of them, because I love the bones of them. But sometimes I am overwhelmed by their needs and their wants. At some points in the day (mostly mornings and just after school) it is a conveyer belt of getting needs met. I make a real effort to carve out one on one time, making cakes with toddler on my day off, reading to them all at night (bedtime takes approx two hours) etc. But....everything is just such hard work. Even things like going to the park after school is stressful, keeping tabs on all four of them. Shuttling elder ones to activities with a grumpy tired baby.

Sometimes I think I wish we'd stopped at two, as life would be so much simpler. If I had my time again I think I would! But I do love my little crew!

Takfujimoto · 06/07/2018 13:26

crunchymum does have a valid point, DC3 has extensive health issues and didn't come home from hospital until just before 6 months old after OHS.

We are still undergoing genetic testing, the risks grow each year and after DC3 I've never been more aware of that.

Theycouldhavechoseneve · 06/07/2018 13:28

1 was plenty for me

Cathena · 06/07/2018 13:30

Me and my elder sister are best friends and get on amazingly well.

Younger sister has always had a chip on her shoulder about being left out and struggling to catch up with us older ones.

Stick with 2.

DidimusStench · 06/07/2018 13:35

Because my head would explode if I had another. Plus, another awful pregnancy, I just can’t do

SoVeryOuting · 06/07/2018 14:42

I was one of six. At times it was horrible growing up.

I had nothing of my own, had to share a double bed with my two younger sisters.

I was regularly farmed out to my maternal grandparents for undetermined spells, as was my younger brother, as my parents could not cope.

I consequently have disjointed relationships with my siblings and outstanding issues with my parents' parenting skills.

You may think three will be a breeze compared to two, but please think long and hard.

I would have loved a larger family, but we decided on two children. We have been able to give them the time and attention they deserve and have been able to afford lots of experiences and support them in many ways to have the childhood I certainly never had.

Do you truly have the time, resources and money to have another child?

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 06/07/2018 14:56

My sister went for number 3 and got triplets! So now has five.

wishywashy6 · 06/07/2018 15:05

Because 2 make quite enough noise 🙉

freegazelle · 06/07/2018 15:13

3 is not a good dynamic for siblings in my experience

Also need to think about the potential financial support through uni and even beyond

Audree · 06/07/2018 15:19

I think people will have different reasons for stopping at 2. My reasons were:

  • overpopulation
  • being able to give them my time and energy without spreading too thin
  • being able to SAH, but then return to my career; having more would mean giving up one or the other
  • being able to do more in my 40s without worrying about little kids (travel, hobbies)
  • SLEEP
  • having time and money to offer extras to the kids I have (like activities)
  • also I don’t like babies. I enjoyed my own, SAH, coslept and the whole attachment thing, but I don’t ooh and aah over people’s babies
EmmaJR1 · 06/07/2018 15:40

Because you only have 2 hands so if all 3/4/5 rebel at the same time how the fuck will you stop them? 😝

isadoradancing123 · 06/07/2018 16:03

Love babies and young children but not keen on teenagers!

roboticmom · 06/07/2018 16:32

I wanted 4 but stopped at 2 because my DH didn't want any more. It was really hard at the time- now I know we made the right decision for our family. As a former SAHM I have just returned to work and as we had kids young I can start my career and have some decent amount of time to work my way up. We have enough money to put the kids in all the activities they want to do and will be able to save for their university. If we had 4 I'd still be running around after littles which would mean my older two would have less time with me. I wouldn't have gone back to work so soon so we'd be scrimping and saving still.

Now I'm super thankful that my DH used his brain and thought it through because life is so much easier than it would have been.

malificent7 · 06/07/2018 16:45

It isn't... 1 is enough!! Joking...babies are great. Its the rest of it I can't be arsed with. Dp and I think there should be a baby library where we can hire a baby to have a squidge with! Xx