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Original poster

How much cash for wedding gift?

54 replies

roka555 · 03/07/2018 19:51

Hi,

It's my besfriend wedding this weekend but I dont know how much money to give. They put a poem in the invitation, asking for money instead of gifts. The thing is I'm a student and I only work part time. My car just fell apart so I had to buy a new one so that was a lot of money gone in a day. I constantly drive them around and help them out. I planned and took the bride out for a hen 'day' as she gave birth 10 weeks ago so we couldnt really go out drinking. I was also contributing towards a gender reveal and a seperate baby shower. Whenever they need me I drive them around and I do not ask for petrol money unless offered but that didnt happen anyway. I really can not afford a lot but I dont want to look stingy either. Help please!

OP posts:
Troton · 03/07/2018 19:53

Instead of cash you could write a little message in the card inviting to take her out to afternoon tea or have both of them round to yours for a meal or a takeaway or something so you can all have a good catch up after the wedding?

TheMonkeyMummy · 03/07/2018 20:15

I really like @Troton 's idea. I hate those twee little poems and refuse to give money on principle.

Original poster
roka555 · 03/07/2018 20:16

Thats a nice idea but they specifically requested cash towards a house they plan to buy in far future.

OP posts:
Miserysquared · 03/07/2018 20:17

£50? But I like the offer of a day out, take away better

Teenagemaw · 03/07/2018 20:18

20 quid in a card max. You are a student and if they are real friends thats plenty.

Lorraine265 · 03/07/2018 20:20

Give them a homemade voucher for 1 free lift

dellie84 · 03/07/2018 20:22

We asked for cash when we got married and my best friend gave us engraved champagne flutes which was so lovely. It was mainly to avoid toaster overload! Personalised thoughtful gifts are the best!! My friend asked for no boxed gifts (which I only realised when my husband pointed it out!) and I gave her a personalised wooden box with mr & Mrs Emma Bridgewater mugs to keep all the wedding momentos in, which is on display in their living room. She again meant no toasters!

RuLu · 03/07/2018 20:22

Put what you can afford as it will all add up for them. We didn't ask for anything as I don't like the idea of asking for presents or a gift list. We got some presents, some vouchers & some cash. The range was £15-£150. & some people just gave a card (or not even that). We didn't expect anything & just wanted people there to enjoy it with us!

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 03/07/2018 20:22

£50 we give

lljkk · 03/07/2018 20:22

They want cash; it's nice to give people what they want.

Whatever you can spare if you're truly scrapping, £50 if you're ordinary skint, £100 if you're comfy flush & £200+ if you're minted.

Original poster
roka555 · 03/07/2018 20:28

Thank you for all comments! I would also like to mention it was my birthday last month which they said they are not getting me a gift as they are paying for the dinner however they asked me to pay at the end. I understand that they are getting married but their parents are paying for the whole wedding. It's like im constantly worrying about giving them without return of any understanding.

OP posts:
Ididnothearthat · 03/07/2018 20:31

I got married last year and we did the cliche poem thing but honestly we really didn't expect anything from people. Especially from our bridal party and ladies who paid towards my hen do. We had varying amounts from 0 - 60 from couple friends and can honestly say we didn't compare or feel begrudge about the amounts. We were just so glad they all made it and had a great day with us. Don't feel you have to give anything if you really can't afford to. Especially if wedding and hen do has cost you money.

Asdf12345 · 03/07/2018 20:40

The last two weddings I gave cash at we gave 150 and 200 pounds.

That is in the context of the better half and I both working full time in a cheap part of the country with a combined gross income of about 90k. When I was an undergrad a wedding meant borrowing money for a suit and transport with no hope of finding anything much for a cash gift.

User467 · 03/07/2018 20:44

For the last couple of close friends that have got married I bought a framed papercut. One was of a line from their first dance and one was a line from a reading they had at their wedding. They both absolutely loved them. I think it's fine to go get something other than cash if you can think of something meaningful . They probably just mean they don't want lost of plates and vases.

hibbledibble · 03/07/2018 20:50

How about a bottle of champagne and a nice card instead? It's never obligatory to give cash.

At a wedding I went to where cash was requested, a lot of guests gave presents instead as they couldn't afford to give much cash and a tangible present felt like more.

CheesecakeAddict · 03/07/2018 20:54

There is nothing wrong with giving a gift and if they are real friends they will understand your situation. My best friend has twins and struggles to pay the rent each month. She gave me £30 and honestly it was well above expectations (I really wouldn't have cared of I'd got nothing - I didn't get married for the money). My other friend gave me a gift and I treasure it. We asked for money as we have no storage space (no loft, 2 wardrobes between 3 people and 2 cupboards in the kitchen which have to fit all food for a family, plates, pans etc.) and just would have no where to put 'stuff'. If you want to put money in a card, I'd just put £20 in.

Passthecake30 · 03/07/2018 20:54

How much would you usually budget for a day/night out? I'd pay that.
If she is a "keeper" she won't mind how much you give.

BackforGood · 03/07/2018 21:18

Don't feel pressured by the amounts being mentioned on here. IME in ordinary lives people don't give those sorts of amounts even if they are very comfortably off.
From all the information you have given, there would be nothing wrong with just giving a card, without any money. If you feel you really want to, then give what you can afford, from your budget - which I should imagine would be £10 - £20 max.

DuchyDuke · 03/07/2018 21:19

Enough to cover your meal so between £10-20 is okay.

ragged · 03/07/2018 21:22

Are wedding guests as cheap as £20? I thought £35 would be very cheapest for most nice venues.

pasturesgreen · 03/07/2018 21:23

They sound like a pair of tossers, quite honestly. I'd seriously cut down on the lift giving to start with, and pop £20 in a card, tops.

nuttymcnutty · 03/07/2018 21:26

They take advantage of you. Get them a bottle of fizz.

DitheringBlidiot · 03/07/2018 21:27

Weddings cost everyone a lot of money, I’d put £20 in a card tbh, the last wedding I went to cost us £450 that was without a gift, as it was a 6/7 hour drive we have to stay at least 2 nights so the money soon racked up. They got a photo frame, with a gift receipt so if they wanted to change it they could. They had asked for money towards their honeymoon but I’m never 100% comfortable with giving money as a gift.

troodiedoo · 03/07/2018 21:27

Base it on what you can afford, not the standard of the venue, that's bullshit.

In light of all you do for them and her not present for your birthday, I would give nothing and some heartfelt words in a card. If you feel you must, twenty pounds is fine.

DitheringBlidiot · 03/07/2018 21:28

P.s. I don’t understand the “enough to cover your meal” angle. The B&G wouldn’t invite you to their wedding and then expect you to pay for your food. Though, they did that for your birthday so you never know!