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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much cash for wedding gift?

54 replies

roka555 · 03/07/2018 19:51

Hi,

It's my besfriend wedding this weekend but I dont know how much money to give. They put a poem in the invitation, asking for money instead of gifts. The thing is I'm a student and I only work part time. My car just fell apart so I had to buy a new one so that was a lot of money gone in a day. I constantly drive them around and help them out. I planned and took the bride out for a hen 'day' as she gave birth 10 weeks ago so we couldnt really go out drinking. I was also contributing towards a gender reveal and a seperate baby shower. Whenever they need me I drive them around and I do not ask for petrol money unless offered but that didnt happen anyway. I really can not afford a lot but I dont want to look stingy either. Help please!

OP posts:
Girlfrommars77 · 03/07/2018 21:31

I give £25 OP which is really what I can afford, especially with travel and other wedding costs. The key is it’s simply what you can afford. One occasion I was totally broke and just bought a really nice card.

It does seem from your posts tho that you feel you give a lot without getting much back. You shouldn’t begrudge anything you give, so only be as generous as you can afford to be and want to be. Handmaking a card or token would show thought and care without much outlay.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 03/07/2018 21:31

Maybe a note saying Please take your wedding gift money out of my Birthday gift money. Seriously I think £20 would be fine, and yes cut back on those lifts.

Helloflamingogo · 03/07/2018 21:34

Bottle of fizz, they sound like dicks.

teaandtoast · 03/07/2018 21:37

They sound like CF. Give them a list of all the things you've done for them.

19lottie82 · 03/07/2018 21:37

Enough to cover your meal so between £10-20 is okay.

But if an oxymoron there!

We usually give £50 for an evening only invite and £100 for the full day.

But just give what you can afford! I got married a few years ago and some people only gave £10 in a card...... I didn’t mind, I was just glad they were there.

19lottie82 · 03/07/2018 21:38

Idon’t understand the “enough to cover your meal” angle

It’s more of an American thing TBH.

Yutes · 03/07/2018 21:45

Ok, they may have specifically asked for money. But I also think it’s common sense for a bride and groom to accept any gift.

I would give them a bottle of fizz and let that be that. They’ll understand you’re a student. And surely they’d want you there instead of money in your place. I’ve had plenty of friends been genuinely so skint that it was attending the wedding or a wedding present. I think if they sniff at your gift, then they are not true friends of yours

Original poster
roka555 · 03/07/2018 22:01

Thank you for all the responses, it really helped!

OP posts:
elessar · 03/07/2018 22:05

Sorry bit confused about the birthday thing - did they mean no present as they were taking you out for dinner but then asked you to pay for yourself?

They sound a bit mean to be honest.

In your shoes I'd give £20-£30, or get them a nice bottle of gin or champagne.

For reference we normally give between £50-£100 for a wedding, but that's in different circumstances where we are comfortably off.

Original poster
roka555 · 03/07/2018 22:06

@Girlfrommars77 Its not that im resentful that I dont get anything back but the more I give the more they expect you see

OP posts:
nuttymcnutty · 03/07/2018 22:08

Just out of curiosity, why did you contribute to a baby shower and a gender reveal? This is madness.

AvoidingDM · 03/07/2018 22:14

£20-25, it's less than I would give but I'm not a skint student who's already contributed to various other events.

Benandhollysmum · 03/07/2018 22:16

£20.00
You’re a student, you’ve limited funds. If they say anything then get yourself new friends.

Chickychoccyegg · 03/07/2018 22:23

they sound like rubbish friends that take advantage, a bottle of some "fizz" and a nice card is more than enough, you certainly do not have to give them an amount that covers your meal at the wedding or money at all, just because they've asked for it, does not mean you are obliged to give them any

theunsure · 03/07/2018 22:30

In your circumstances I’d probably bin them as friends. They sound horrendous.
If you must get them something then either £20 or a bottle of fizz.

We usually give £50 for evening and £100 for day as a couple, only more for very close family/friends.

trojanpony · 04/07/2018 00:20

From your posts You sound like you passively aggressively don’t like them in which case give a card with nothing apart from a jovial message.

If you actually like them and want to stay friends then £50 absolute minimum (but you know that already)

WerkSupp · 04/07/2018 00:26

I would also like to mention it was my birthday last month which they said they are not getting me a gift as they are paying for the dinner however they asked me to pay at the end.

Your so-called friends are CFers. £20 max and do not feel bad about it. Stop all the freebies for them as well. They sound like they are taking advantage. I'd actually make up an excuse not to go and give them nothing.

Darkstar4855 · 04/07/2018 02:13

I would normally give around £50 (or £100 if going with my partner) but if you have already contributed to a baby shower and gender reveal AND they didn’t bother to give you a birthday present then I’d be reluctant to give anything tbh. They sound like CFs.

PorkFlute · 04/07/2018 02:20

Considering what you’ve said I would just give a card.

KC225 · 04/07/2018 03:23

You have contributed to a lot to their lives recently and offer them lifts. Give them a bottle of champagne, hold yournheqd up high and cut back on the lifts as they sound they are using you.

Monty27 · 04/07/2018 03:34

Are you single?
£50 for single.
If you struggle with cash £25.
End of.
I am sure that you have been invited because they want you to share their day, not about how much money you will give them.

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 04/07/2018 04:33

You are a student. You can just give them a lot of love for their wedding. Give them a voucher with an offer to help out. If she's your best mate she can't get worried about lack of presents....

Monty27 · 04/07/2018 04:42

I like that "mountain' great advice Smile

Cornishclio · 04/07/2018 04:57

They don't sound like great mates and inviting you for a birthday meal and saying that is in lieu of a gift then asking you to pay is very mean. I would not give them anything, exactly the same as you got for your birthday. Or a nominal £20 for your meal especially as you seem to do a lot for them. Why on earth did you pay towards gender reveals and baby showers? Stop letting them take advantage of you.

ladybirdsi · 04/07/2018 05:15

OP I think you should only give £30-£50 first I was going to say £100 but reading what they did in your birthday I hope you don't give more than £50 it's not fair on you,

I would personally give £30 its not fair you stressing yourself out and if they are good friends they will be grateful with what you give them and realise you help enough by driving them around and helping towards baby gender