AIBU neighbour using MIL’s garden whenever she feels like it!

[mmmgoats]

Been stewing on this. Stayed round the in laws at the weekend, MIL and FIL went out to the shops for their usual morning walk and left DH and I having coffee in the kitchen.
Kitchen has double doors that lead out to the garden, we had one open a tiny bit (this is relevant) but you couldn’t see from the outside that they were open.

Next door neighbour suddenly appears in garden pegging her washing onto in-laws line. DH and I were a bit bemused but thought maybe it was an agreement between in laws and neighbour. I went out to say good morning anyway, and she looked a bit surprised we were there but made small talk and didn’t really acknowledge the fact that she was in the in-laws garden.
When MIL came back I mentioned it and she said oh yes she keeps doing that, the other day when the door was open she wandered in and put the kettle on!
MIL isn’t timid or quiet at all, in fact DH’s family can be quite a force to be reckoned with, but I think she was so shocked the first time she did it, she didn’t say anything about it and now when she’s said something, neighbour apparently brushes it off by saying “oh but you don’t mind though it’s such a small thing that really helps me out”
FIL has made a few comments to the neighbour and asked her politely not to do it - seems like she now waits for them to go out (they are creatures of routine) and does what she likes anyway. So they often come back and find the washing on their line

We are still there and I want to go and knock and tell the neighbour to pack it in - I don’t normally seek out confrontation but I’m stunned at the gall of this woman! DH isn’t sure whether to get involved or not seeing as in-laws have tried to play it down a bit but I know MIL and I can see it’s really bothering her!
AIBU to go and do it anyway? I think DH is worried about coming across as intimidating as he’s quite a big fella, which is where his hesitation is coming from...

[keyboardkate]

Your MIL should peg her washing on neighbour's line (when neighbour has taken all her washing indoors from both gardens) and boil the kettle in her kitchen. Bring a cake too.

That was lighthearted, but neighbour's behaviour is not in any way "normal" and who knows why this is.

[ChestOfFields]

Teazilla?

[Monty27]

Good lord stop this straight away.
It's trespassing and when mil isn't around you don't know what else they might be doing

[RebootYourEngine]

This is not normal behaviour. I would get your pil to keep and eye on her and report any strange behaviour to social services. If she does have dementia they will help.

[Monty27]

Doors windows locked.
Actually just have a word op. It's not on.

[bellabasset]

If you are unable to get any help from social services speak to 101 and see if they could trace the gp. Otherwise try agencies such as Age Concern or even Silverline for advice on contacts.

One of the issues is that so many services such as day centres have closed down leaving people isolated. For example I get texts from the drs as reminders for prebooked appointments which might not be suitable for everyone. So if the NDN is ignoring reminders for treatment maybe no one is following up.

[MargotMoon]

I wouldn't worry about the local adult social care team having a 1 star review - nobody goes online gives social workers a glowing report! I would just phone them, tell them what happened and they can take it from there.

[mmmgoats]

@monty27 I have had a word now but it didn’t seem to be taken in properly. I don’t think PIL should have to keep their doors closed in this heat - the only times they hve them open is when they are actually there to get air in the house in this hot weather, not when they go out (apart from when DH and I were there)

@chestoffields I know some Mumsnetters like a “zilla” but not sure it’s really appropriate when it seems like this lady has issues or is unwell.
She didnt actually make tea either - only put the kettle on and said she was going to, while hanging up her washing!

@MargotMoon thanks I think I definitely will. I know I said yesterday PIL shouldn’t be responsible and they’re not, but we had a chat last night and agreed that we can’t just leave it without contacting anyone if she does it again or keeps doing it. I’m hoping that she stops now but if she doesn’t, we will have to at least try and get her some help/support/assessment. The idea of getting in touch with her son makes sense, but not really sure how we can do that. Unless MIL makes a real effort to pop round etc but i think she’s a bit worried it will make the situation worse!

[SofieMonde]

I would tell them to be friendly but no get too involved, she will then come round more. Contact SS who can contact her son or local GP, let them assess her and decide what the best action plan is. You PIL should not have to have the added stress of deciding.

Once the lock is on and fence mended, then I assume she won't be pole-vaulting over and there will be no other way to access the property so at least they will have some peace.

This lady needs some kind of professional help.

[speakingwoman]

Ah, poor woman. I have a neighbour like this.

[Diverami]

For starters while waiting for a better solution, paint the gate and take the washing line down.

[ItsNachoCheese]

Id tear her a new one for her behaviour

[Playdoughcaterpillar]

I’m another saying dementia/mental health

[ZigZagIntoTheBlue]

Has it happened again today op? The neighbour on the other side might know more info about her family?

[user1483875094]

OP even if she stops now, because you have locked the gate, there is very clearly something amiss with her, and she seems to be completely alone with her problem. So even if she does stop now, please, still raise your concerns about her with the Social Services appropriate group, especially explaining that she thought that "Margie" lived there, and had said it was all right. That is not just tired "forgetfulness" it is a problem. She sounds completely isolated, so there is no-one there to raise concerns, and you have been so kind and understanding. Please do raise concerns, so that someone can evaluate her situation, and if necessary, provide the appropriate care / or assistance? Imagine if it were you MIL alone, with no-one noticing that something was really amiss? Something is really amiss with this neighbour and she needs help.

[eddielizzard]

poor woman. i would ask the other neighbours. they may have more info, and whether she has family.

[Strongmummy]

I wonder if she’s getting dementia. I’d leave you in laws to deal with this one

[halfwitpicker]

This isn't about cheeky fuckery.

This is about control.

Your neighbor is controlling your MIL - and it needs to stop.

Get round there!

[Bluelady]

Poor woman, there's clearly an issue that's going to get worse. Social services or community mental health should be able to help but they're so stretched I doubt she'll be a priority. This kind of thing is so sad.

[cherish123]

Does the lady possibly have Alzheimer's/Dementia?

[HyacinthsBucket70]

It's all very well everyone saying she has dementia etc, but she's still making a nuisance of herself to some other elderly people and they aren't responsible for her.

I think you have to make sure that she can't get into the house or garden anymore OP - if she can, so can others and it's a security risk you need to deal with.

I'd also phone the local adult SS helpdesk, and let them deal with the neighbour. She may already be known to them, and they can find her GP etc.

[Sparklyglitter]

OMG! CF! This needs to be completely nipped in the bud! I'd certainly do something...change the height of the fence and gate, write a strong letter, speak to the police, go around.
Any of the above, but I really wouldn't let it carry on.

[mumtav]

Ch

[Ladybird11]

Do people actually read the thread before commenting?!!

[julesmumoftwins]

.