AIBU neighbour using MIL’s garden whenever she feels like it!

[mmmgoats]

Been stewing on this. Stayed round the in laws at the weekend, MIL and FIL went out to the shops for their usual morning walk and left DH and I having coffee in the kitchen.
Kitchen has double doors that lead out to the garden, we had one open a tiny bit (this is relevant) but you couldn’t see from the outside that they were open.

Next door neighbour suddenly appears in garden pegging her washing onto in-laws line. DH and I were a bit bemused but thought maybe it was an agreement between in laws and neighbour. I went out to say good morning anyway, and she looked a bit surprised we were there but made small talk and didn’t really acknowledge the fact that she was in the in-laws garden.
When MIL came back I mentioned it and she said oh yes she keeps doing that, the other day when the door was open she wandered in and put the kettle on!
MIL isn’t timid or quiet at all, in fact DH’s family can be quite a force to be reckoned with, but I think she was so shocked the first time she did it, she didn’t say anything about it and now when she’s said something, neighbour apparently brushes it off by saying “oh but you don’t mind though it’s such a small thing that really helps me out”
FIL has made a few comments to the neighbour and asked her politely not to do it - seems like she now waits for them to go out (they are creatures of routine) and does what she likes anyway. So they often come back and find the washing on their line

We are still there and I want to go and knock and tell the neighbour to pack it in - I don’t normally seek out confrontation but I’m stunned at the gall of this woman! DH isn’t sure whether to get involved or not seeing as in-laws have tried to play it down a bit but I know MIL and I can see it’s really bothering her!
AIBU to go and do it anyway? I think DH is worried about coming across as intimidating as he’s quite a big fella, which is where his hesitation is coming from...

[LaDilettante]

I was wondering as well whether the NDN was an old lady who might be losing the plot a bit. Otherwise, get your in laws a garden water sprinkler to turn on when they go for their morning walk.

[wink1970]

Being kind, maybe making them a cup of tea (albeit in their kitchen) was her way of saying thank you for the (without permission) use of the line.....

[mmmgoats]

I will speak to MIL and see if dementia seems likely - she seemed quite lucid when I was talking to her but I guess that doesn’t mean anything.

I used to have a real laugh at some of the Mumsnet threads, then recently I’ve had a flurry of odd experiences myself that beggared belief at the time - this takes the biscuit though (even though it’s not technically happening to me!)

[siftingflour]

Clarify how old she is please OP. This doesn't seem normal behaviour. Does she have dementia.
even if she does have dementia still Ok to go round and ask her not to do it really kindly.
If she continues, and she does have dementia, I think you have to alert her family family to stop her coming round, or at least make the family aware. you don't want an accident happening in the house and she gets hurt/burns place down.
If she doesn't have dementia I'd send your big DH round!

[siftingflour]

xpost sorry

[flissfloss65]

I’d speak to your in laws and say you are happy to take the neighbours washing back and tell her to stop coming over unless invited.

Mend the fence and put a lock on gate.

[Iloveacurry]

She’s obviously waiting for them to go out! Very strange. Does the neighbour have their own washing line?

[BSJohnson]

Saunter into next door neighbour's house, open the fridge, grab the milk and chug some down?

[LongSummerDays]

Send the clean washing to the charity shop. When ndn asks where her washing is, deny, deny, deny all knowledge.

Remove the line when it's not in use by MIL?

[SaltyPeanut]

Is NDN single and lonely maybe.

Doesn't make her behaviour okay but could she possibly think the chumminess/friendship is deeper than it really is.

If there's a chance it's a simple misunderstanding of friendship boundaries rather than being a CF, I think you need to stay out of it to be honest. Leave it to the ILs to sort out.

[cornishmumtobe]

Fix the fence, put a lock on the gate and then rub black boot polish on the top of the gate (in case of any CF trying to climb over) and the same aaaaalllll along the washing line.

Then install sprinklers.

[Nikephorus]

i was just a bit worried about coming across at threatening!
Don't be worried, be threatening! Your MIL will love you for it

[MorrisDancingViv]

If the neighbour is waiting for PIL to go, she knows exactly what she is doing.

Presumably she doesn't have a garden of her own? I would go round with DH and PIL, washing in hand, and when she opens the door walk straight in and make myself a cuppa and explain why this isn't on

[SomeKnobend]

I'd chuck her washing back over the fence and have a stern word, what the fuck?!

[cjt110]

Saunter into next door neighbour's house, open the fridge, grab the milk and chug some down?

[TheFirstMrsOsmond]

The washing line part sounds like she's a CF - but when you said the bit about the kettle I wondered if she has very poor social skills where she fails to recognise the appropriate boundaries, rather than being a CF?

[CookieSue222]

Please consider if she has dementia and before doing anything - just please speak to her family (not just the neighbours husband - my mum was in denial throughout Dads illness). My DF (god rest his soul) had dementia, and (if we had allowed him access to the neighbours) would have probably done something very similar in the early stages. Using MIL washing line without consent = CF.
Entering another house, and making drinks like that would suggest dementia. It doesn't sound like cheeky fuckery (wish it was) - it's a very, very sad illness. Tread carefully OP.

[mmmgoats]

@saltypeanut maybe. I feel like a bit of a drama llama as it’s not really my problem but I think it is genuinely really unsettling MIL. I know it’s their place to say something but I also know what it’s like when you’re blindsided by something (like i was with these very same in laws recently about a holiday, but that was another thread and now resolved. Now looking back on that, it seems ridiculous I was so worked up about it instead of just saying something straight away, So i wonder if it’s the same here)

She has her own garden!!! It’s fairly unloved and unkept but she has one, and a washing line. she fills her own washing line then comes and puts more in MIL’s

[ProudThrilledHappy]

Suggest you upcycle an old piece of furniture with bright green spray paint right next to the washing. When she comes back tell her you are starting a new furniture business and mil has offered you free use of her garden whenever you like to do the paint work.

[RatherBeRiding]

I'd say if she deliberately waits for PILs to go out, she knows exactly what she is doing. People can and do get dementia late 50s (which you said you reckoned was CF's age) but it is more likely to be out and out CF-ery.

Unpeg washing, put in bin bag, get DH to take round and hand back with a polite request not to use the washing line again.

(Does CF not have a washing line of her own?)

[campion]

The kettle thing is definitely odd rather than just CF. Maybe beginning of some sort of dementia,maybe poor social skills/ asd, maybe some sort of mental illness,maybe even a physical illness.

Are you sure about her age OP?
I don't think I'd engage in tit for tat. If she has a family or partner maybe have a word with them.

[StormTreader]

These people do this because they know everyone is uncomfortable saying "look, just piss off, you're not welcome". Shes completely aware of what shes doing and doesn't care at all that your PILs would rather she didn't.

Send your big DH around, let him be intimidating, and get him to say that if he hears shes been around again without permission then he wont be so polite next time.

[VanellopeVonSchweetz99]

The kettle thing -> early dementia and/or mental health issue.

[mumsastudent]

this has the potential for cuckooing ie someone coming in to "help" &take over for their own profit - cut it in the bud - send your hubby round with note in envelope v polite but too point - While we do not wish to be unfriendly, or cause you offence, we value our privacy, we do not wish you to enter out garden unless you are invited & particularly when we are out. My SIL & daughter are concerned, ….etc etc Point is he does not have to say anything much just smile gently & politely maybe say mym or mil/fil asked me to pass this request to you, its not meant to cause offence but we would appreciate your understanding, thank you

[ChorleyFMcominginyourears]

Have a fire or a bbq everytime she does it, if her clothes smell and need rewashing she'll soon pack it in!