The Radfords

[highchairhell]

Hey all, after a night struggling with a teething baby and a toddler with chicken pox I ended up thinking about how the radfords cope? There just wasn't enough of me last night to give both the constant attention they wanted, and my DH was helping but it was constant and exhausting.

How on Earth do the radfords cope? Surely their children teeth, get poorly, need advice, homework help, feeding, bathing, one on one time etc so HOW?

I guess my aibu is to think they can't? Surely they can't be in 21 places at once?!

I could just about drum up the enthusiasm to help with two DC school projects building models of the solar system out of balls but no way could I have done it 21 times.

I have two teenagers now and time wise that is plenty.

Have you watched the Duggers?

As much a I want to take the pies they seem the nicest most balanced well behaved and happy kids ever.

I had 6 and I thought that was a lot.

I am the eldest of 5 and even though that's not as huge of a number as some it was still pretty shitty for me.

I had to stay in every single night after school and look after my younger siblings. My friends gave up asking me out in the end. When my mum announced pregnancy number 5 I said "oh great, another child for me to look after". When he was born my parents took me out of school for 2 weeks while mum had to stay in hospital. At 14 years old I had to take my pre school siblings to playgroup, collect them at 12 and take them home for lunch. In between all that I had to clean and tidy the house and do some washing.

I have 4 children and I am really very conscious of not putting parenting duties on the elder 2. They do help out while I cook tea or hang the washing out but that's it.

My SIL has 8 kids and I know that the eldest 2 girls bear the brunt of parenting. The eldest girl had a child at 13 and the eldest son ended up in prison. I can only assume it's down to ineffective parenting. It seems like she gave up once they were past a certain age and focussed on the babies

The “ parents “ are selfish, and I wonder if any of the children have friends outside the family? It is no life for those eldest children, no wonder the oldest son has nothing to do with them.

Meh, the kids might have had the best childhood in the world, being raised in the best holiday camp, who knows.

I know families of 6 and 8, and the now adult kids absolutely loved it. The youngest one resented being left home alone when the older had grown up, but they all tried or went on to have a big family too. They don't relay on benefit either, you can have a job and a family.

You can't judge if you don't know them. Some kids are miserable as an only child, others thrive. There's no right and wrong answer.

The daggers are a weird, daft American cult of a family.

The Duggers no doubt blame the devil for all the sex behaviour of their son.

I'm one of 6 and my "childhood" was pretty much spent looking after the 4 below me. There is no way the Redford children can get enough attention from their parents. Even with 6 the amount of work to be done was never ending.

Radford*

We have 5. I think there is a difference between a close family where the older kids choose to play with/entertain the younger ones and a home where they are expected to do childcare.

By the time my daughter was old enough to babysit she was so busy with clubs, friends, paid babysitting and study that I didn't often get the chance to ask her to babysit. My son worked shifts and was often out in the evenings. I would only ask them to look after the younger ones well in advance or as an emergency, I never assumed they would.

I really hope my daughter remembers things the same way that I do!

I’m 7 of 9, my earliest memory is of looking after my 18 months younger & 3 years older sibling. Getting smacked screamed at when I got it wrong. Full care of a new born at 9 when my mother spent a year in hospital following his birth.

I’m child free by choice.

I have 4 DC and I am so conscious of not expecting my older DC to take any responsibility for the younger ones. But they do volunteer. To push the pushchair, to read a story or fetch a drink for example. I worry they do it out of concern for me. I always tell them that their younger sisters are not their responsibility and that they need do no more than any other child their age (tidy their rooms, put dirty clothes in the basket, set the table for dinner etc). But still I worry about what they think is expected of them.

But they do get individual attention, plus they do any activities/clubs that they want and have friends over to play etc etc. Homework and reading is always done with me or DH. It's hard bloody work. I hope they won't grow to resent being from a larger family. Because we work really hard to ensure our children have a proper childhood.

With a Radford sized family, I don't see how there are enough hours in the day to make sure everyone has what they need and a bit of what they like.

My oldest was 18 before she babysat.
My youngest is a toddler and adored by all!!
BTW I was an only dc and treated like a skivvy in a lp home!! Left at 17 and never looked back!!

It don't agree with the "not enough attention from their parents" argument at all. You don't need to have hours of one-to-one with a child to be a good parent, you can be a close unit with the whole family.

Parents working full-time have just as good a relationship with their kids than stay-at-home ones. It's different but it's about quality, and the best parent doesn't make the child think that's he's the center of the world anyway.

In my set up dc have no dgps or other relatives, the relationships my dc have are only with each other. (Older ones with a gf /bf at times)
In other families with lots of relatives /dgps does the dc having relationships with all of them dilute the ones they have with dps?
Dc can thrive on all sorts of life scenarios.

I think Sophie really enjoys the big family because she has had her own family early on and been part of the 'big brood'. I think Chloe has carried a lot of weight and worry about Sue being pregnant. She did say in one of the shows as such and felt responsible to be around in case something went wrong.

I am from a large family my father did the majority of the housework, child rearing as well as working and some other siblings.
My mum had mental and physical disabilities. They were catholics.
My father worked a tremendous amount of jobs, he never drank or anything and I only recall him having 1 holiday. He also helped other people but he loads of energy and was extremely fit.

I worked part time from a young age while still at school (by the time I left school for further education I was holding down 3 part time jobs).
Fast forward none of us have large families, some of my older sisters and brothers helped out and some didn't help with me growing up.

However, it used to really upset me when people would openly judge and be so critical of my parents,I understand but when they did it in front of me it made me really uncomfortable as a child, and obviously school children would say what their parents had said about us as a family. I would get "yuck your parents can't stop having children, you just live off benefits, yuck how disgusting" "are you dirty because your parents can't wash you".. ( I was not dirty or unkept) meanwhile I would know how hard my father worked but he wasn't someone to go on about it.

We all ended up being hard workers and getting educated despite some serious challenges, but that awfulness and hatred directed to me when really I was just a human - I didn't choose to come from a large family was awful and really I suppose gives me empathy. When you are hated for something you can't change it is quite a toxic position.

As such even today when you have people criticising it just takes me back.

I also try to stick up for people when judgements are made about benefit scroungers, feckless parents etc as there are usually children involved and why not support them? Also because I know it is such a prevailing view I don't even tell many people I am from such a large family as I still think people judge you.

I was made redundant but I couldn't take up any employment benefits all a bit extreme but those people in my childhood really made me think I am never going to take any benefits..

I disagree. You might not need hours every day but you do need some - help with homework, chatting about what's going on in your life. And there will be times when there are problemswhen individual children do need hours - and you don't get to say when those times of crisis might be.

Of course, if your children have already written you off as a source of support and you don't have enough contact with them to notice there's a problem, then its easy to trog along thinking all's fine.

Sorry the duggers and sex abuse!! Ewww ok will look. Only caught an episode.

Don’t think it’s possible without older children helping out.

My gran was one of 13 but back then so 1900, was normal.

I don’t really understand it unless you are super rich and can afford a cook, cleaner etc. Looking after kids is fine it’s all the other stuff that would crease me. The washing and shopping etc.

ut you do need some - help with homework, chatting about what's going on in your life. And there will be times when there are problemswhen individual children do need hours

again, I don't entirely agree. Chatting and help with homework doesn't require a one-to-one necessarily. If you need hours in case of a crisis, then the answer would only be to have an only child, wouldn't it? At least in a big family, the other can support each other. if you have 2 kids, it means you will "abandon" the other child - I have seen it happen, and it lead to a lot of resentment from the one left out. It is much less true in a bigger family.

Nothing is about number, but I wouldn't judge a family over the amount of kids they have, it might work better for some, not so much for others.

My mum has 6 of us however three was a few years different to my age.. then when I was 16 she started having kids again so at 16 I had a newborn sister ,17 another and at 21 I had a newborn brother born two weeks after my first daughter. I was expected to help with all of them do school runs. If I changed my daughters bum I had to do my brothers feeding bottles, watching them etc. It didn't end until I moved out and bought my own place I couldn't cope with the screaming of kids and no rest. If I went to my room they would send the kids up so someone was watching them all whilst my parents had a drink or chilled in the garden or was at work etc. I hated being a babysitter

Getoutz I can only imagine how hard that must have been and Sophie has often ranted on FB about how hard it is to have your family slagged off publicly, it really seems to affect her.
I do wonder then why they continue to put themselves out there; the comments on the tabloids on their now pregnancy were really horrible

Or bully each other. Or fight constantly. Or ignore each other. Or abuse each other. Being one of many doesn't make you the Waltons.