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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think nursery were a bit tactless

74 replies

BlueKarou · 03/07/2018 00:17

This is probably an over reaction due to the heat and general life stresses, hormones, all that sort of thing.

My two year old goes to nursery one morning a week. He loves it there. It's all I can afford until he's 3, as I'm a single mum working 4 days a week and ending most months in my overdraft after mortgage and bills and all that. I am, for these reasons, probably quite touchy about money things.

I got an email this evening from nursery saying that for the next 2 weeks they will have a theme of 'around the world', and could we please bring 'a photo or a selection of photos' from a recent holiday so they can 'can share with all the children the different places around the world that we can all travel to and learn from.'

I get that they're picking something topical for the end of term, but in the last two years I have been worse off financially than ever before, and the thought of taking my son on a holiday, abroad or not, has been so low on the priorities list. We have done one daytrip to the sea, and that's about it.

He won't care if he's not able to bring a photo in, but I'm feeling more than a little bit shit about it. I give him everything I can, and I will be forever indebted to my mother for helping me out with childcare, and she does spoil him so he's not wanting for much, yet this casual email about holidays has left me feeling all these inadequacies I wasn't aware I felt.

Sorry - I've rambled on and lost the AIBU!

Is there anything I could/should say to nursery? Or do I just keep my head down and hope no one mentions it? I don't know any of the other parents, so I don't know whether they're all jetsetters or whether there's anyone else in a similar boat to me.

OP posts:
QueenCharming · 03/07/2018 00:21

I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I didn’t take my dd on any kind of holiday until she was about 3. It’s probably no big deal, did you have any photos of the seaside when you went? If so I’d just take that.
Don’t feel bad, money or not - not everyone goes on holiday with little ones anyway as it’a mega stressful imho.

AmazingPostVoices · 03/07/2018 00:29

I understand why you are feeling sensitive about this but be assured that not all the children will have been in a foreign holiday.

We didn’t take our children abroad when they were little, not because of money just because it didn’t sound like any fun to us!

PurpleTigerLove · 03/07/2018 00:35

Don’t feel bad about not taking your baby on holiday . He’s three , he wouldn’t remember it anyway . I went on holiday twice as a child . Two nights in a B and B when I was 9 and 2 nights in a caravan when I was 19 . Concentrate on providing a safe home and secure future for your son. Holidays are over rated anyway . I can afford to go away every year if I want to but don’t bother . Same shit different place !

PurpleTigerLove · 03/07/2018 00:35

Ok I wasn’t a child at 19 but my siblings were younger and it was only the second time we went on holiday .

alibongo5 · 03/07/2018 00:38

We didn’t take our children abroad when they were little, not because of money just because it didn’t sound like any fun to us!

Me too - I wouldn't have had any abroad photos to share until my youngest was more than a baby ( so certainly my eldest at nursery wouldn't have had any) Anyway, Wales is a place in the world as is Cornwall, Devon etc so share these.

And don't feel bad - so what, you haven't been abroad. Maybe point out to the nursery in a casual, off-hand way that not everyone goes abroad and it might not be appropriate to ask for this sort of input.

Original poster
BlueKarou · 03/07/2018 00:39

Thanks everyone. I do know that he's not this massively deprived child, but sometimes do need to hear other people saying that.

I do have some pics on my phone from the beach. My printer is out of ink, but I should be able to print them out at work so he has something to take in.

OP posts:
allthegoodusernameshavegone · 03/07/2018 00:43

You live in this world , send a pic of him anywhere, the trip to the sea, how many 3 yr olds have travelled or care about travelling for that matter.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 03/07/2018 00:45

It's tricky, I had something similar with both my DC when they did a primary school project about when they were born and as babies, but both of mine were adopted so it was different for them from the rest of the class. We just told their story, with the information and photos that we had and in the end they felt their stories were just as interesting as, if not more interesting than, the rest of the class.

Tell your DS's story with a couple of photos of him having great fun near home, maybe at the park or some local attraction. The other kids in the nursery might find his photos the most interesting because they will recognise the location of the photos. At that age other people's photos of places that they've never been to are not all that fascinating (unless one of the kids has ridden an elephant or a camel or something).

Boatsnack3 · 03/07/2018 00:45

My dd is 9 she has never been abroad, we've had caravan holidays in the UK but before she was 3 we had an overnight stay in the highlands as our only holiday.

I'm not sure it matters at that age if the child is in the photo, print a pic of somewhere you'd love to visit and take that in. The anticipation of a holiday is almost as fun as the actual event anyway.

PandaPieForTea · 03/07/2018 00:46

My nursery age DD has been out of the country once and wouldn’t remember it. That is more than her older sister at the same age. We didn’t fancy flying with small children.

I think it’s really common not to go far with small children, so the nursery staff may not get many exotic photos.

The seaside is just as exotic to a 2 year old as anywhere abroad.

crunchymint · 03/07/2018 00:49

I do think it is insensitive of the nursery.
But at his age he really won't care about holidays. It really isn't important to very young kids.

crunchymint · 03/07/2018 00:51

Holidays are about experiencing something different from our usual routine. Two year olds are often experiencing new things anyway. That is why holidays are not an issue for them.

RideOn · 03/07/2018 00:55

We're not going abroad this year or last year. I think I'd send in a postcard sent to us from somewhere abroad. I wouldn't say anything but I wouldn't go to any lengths to get them photos either!

PurpleMac · 03/07/2018 07:20

Please don't feel bad OP - we could probably afford a holiday abroad but wont be doing so for a long time because taking my toddler abroad sounds like my idea of hell! My DSS is 8 and has never been abroad either; both my family and his mother's family are financially comfortable so it's not an affordability thing, UK holidays and days out are just often more suited for most children.

I'd bet at least half the children in nursery haven't been abroad!

icelollycraving · 03/07/2018 07:38

My 7 year old hadn’t had a holiday abroad. He has had two holidays to Devon which he doesn’t remember as he was tiny.
I sympathise. All my friends go on a couple of holidays a year and work very part time or not at all. We both work full time and don’t have the money.
You could email the picture from your phone to nursery if you can’t print it.
Would he like some postcards? I can send him one. I work in a seaside city.

Oysterbabe · 03/07/2018 07:41

I don't think it's unusual not to take tiny children abroad. Any picture you have of any outing you've been on will be perfect.
I have a baby and a toddler and I just cannot be arsed with the hassle of taking them on a flight, trying to transport all the shit they need, it not being relaxing in any way. I bet a lot of the kids at nursery are the same, even if the parents can afford it.

Oysterbabe · 03/07/2018 07:47

I think you should Photoshop him at the Taj Mahal :)

mindutopia · 03/07/2018 07:52

I would just email them a photo. I never printed them for nursery (or school) when they asked. Just emailed them and they either printed them themselves or just showed them on the tablet. As for the holiday, I think you’re being too sensitive about it all. I think by ‘around the world’ they mean photos from other places (could be Cornwall!). I don’t think that needs to be interpreted as a luxury 5 days in the Maldives. Frankly, we are comfortable enough financially and even at 5, ours has been abroad once and it was to visit my family (I’m not originally from the UK), so wasn’t like a ‘holiday’ per se. Otherwise we drive 2 hours to Devon and that’s it. I don’t know many people with preschool age dc who have big holidays abroad. In fact, my only friend who does is a single mum who has put herself in debt stressing about making sure her dc have a ‘normal’ childhood without a dad in their lives and massively overcompensates to the point of having no money at all just to take those photos and feel like her kids have everything she thinks everyone else has (meanwhile the rest of us are home camping in Devon). Sounds totally normal to me. Let him pick a photo from a special time you have had and don’t be distracted by all that other stuff.

TeenTimesTwo · 03/07/2018 07:55

Cut something from a magazine.
I don't think it needs to be a photo, just a picture.

81Byerley · 03/07/2018 08:31

Print off a photo from the web. The last time my husband and I went abroad, we watched a family with 3 children sit by the side of the pool every day, all day. Twice the dad got in the pool with the children, for a few minutes. The rest of the time the children sat around, with only towels to play with. The day out you had was better than that, I bet!

taxicum · 03/07/2018 09:27

Hang on, hang on. I really think this needs a serious rethink. The theme is 'around the world' right? that's the main point surely. That doesn't mean it has to be somewhere you've both been together does it? or in the last week?

Come back to the reason this is being done OP. The point is they want children to begin to think about the world being a bigger place than they are currently aware of. To start to think wider. The world for now is home, grandparents, nursery for most and this is an attempt to stretch that knowledge and understanding. I'm making an informed and educated guess this will be a 'circle time' activity with children of different ages anyway.

Check the letter again to see if it really does specify the 'two of you together' or the word 'recent' and if it does actually say 'recent', just ignore this bit.

Did you go abroad before you had DS? If not have any family gone away? The reason they want pics of you is that children love to see people they know (even just from drop off and pick up) doing things they don't know outside nursery. It helps make the idea of 'around the world' more relevant and real for them.

DS might not be bothered (yet) at 2 but you are contributing to creating a vibrant learning environment at his nursey for the other children by participating. Trust me, he will eventually benefit from this. It's baffling what 'goes in' at this age, it's amazing, so don't make assumptions about him not being bothered either.

Just find a pic of you away and write a short caption on the back about something you did when you were there, example "Here is me, DS's mummy. Before he was born I went to a restaurant in Greece. I tried eating squid!" or "We travelled on a plane to get there" etc

Don't stress it if the truth is you just don't want to join in but if you do you can ;) and in a way that will be meaningful in terms of childrens learning and.. it might even be fun! (It sounds to me like you do want to otherwise you wouldn't be posting)

Another alternative, amusing and creative solutionGrin..as someone else posted you could cut out a pic from a magazine of somewhere far away you'd like to go BUT crucially add a pic of you both, just stick that on top and write on the back a caption like. "We haven't been around the world but.. if we could travel anywhere we would go to India where there are elephants!" etc etc. Nursery staff will love love love this (just trust me..) because it will differ from the norm of tons of non descript pictures of the children on beaches where theres less to talk about in terms of 'around the world.'

Nothing wrong with the beach pics either though!

JedediahBila · 03/07/2018 09:31

Don't feel bad. I went to California, Antigua and Barbuda, the Bahamas, Greece and Turkey before the age of 18 months.

Safe to say I can't remember any of it, so it hasn't been an enriching learning experience.

And then when I was two my brother was born, and we didn't go abroad again until I was 10 as travelling with two young children was too stressful for my parents.

I would wager that at least half of the kids in your son's nursery group have never even left the UK.

taxicum · 03/07/2018 09:32

I think you should Photoshop him at the Taj Mahal

Yes, this! Oysterbabe speaks senseSmile

JedediahBila · 03/07/2018 09:33

At that age, they don't care where they are as long as they're comfortable and having fun. And a beach in the UK serves that purpose perfectly.

BlueOooChristmas · 03/07/2018 10:06

We have a 5 and 2 year old (actually almost 6 and 3) and neither have been abroad. Maybe we will take them when they are older but it sounds like a gigantic stress and waste of money at the moment. I presume there will be others in your nursery who haven't been abroad too.
My suggestion is speak with them. Explain the situation, if only so they understand that their idea could have been a bit more inclusive or just worded better! I have a feeling they will say the seaside pics are fine and why shouldn't they be? When you're 3 you don't care where you go on holiday as long as the people who love you are there having fun with you.

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