To think nursery were a bit tactless

[BlueKarou]

This is probably an over reaction due to the heat and general life stresses, hormones, all that sort of thing.

My two year old goes to nursery one morning a week. He loves it there. It's all I can afford until he's 3, as I'm a single mum working 4 days a week and ending most months in my overdraft after mortgage and bills and all that. I am, for these reasons, probably quite touchy about money things.

I got an email this evening from nursery saying that for the next 2 weeks they will have a theme of 'around the world', and could we please bring 'a photo or a selection of photos' from a recent holiday so they can 'can share with all the children the different places around the world that we can all travel to and learn from.'

I get that they're picking something topical for the end of term, but in the last two years I have been worse off financially than ever before, and the thought of taking my son on a holiday, abroad or not, has been so low on the priorities list. We have done one daytrip to the sea, and that's about it.

He won't care if he's not able to bring a photo in, but I'm feeling more than a little bit shit about it. I give him everything I can, and I will be forever indebted to my mother for helping me out with childcare, and she does spoil him so he's not wanting for much, yet this casual email about holidays has left me feeling all these inadequacies I wasn't aware I felt.

Sorry - I've rambled on and lost the AIBU!

Is there anything I could/should say to nursery? Or do I just keep my head down and hope no one mentions it? I don't know any of the other parents, so I don't know whether they're all jetsetters or whether there's anyone else in a similar boat to me.

I didn't go on holidays abroad and spent my childhood going to the seaside with my mum and Granny. I was taken to Malta once when I was 3 but I don't remember it and that was 1991 so it was cheaper back then. My first proper holiday abroad was at the age of 20.

I would send a pic of a fun day at the beach. I do think it's a bit insensitive and they should of worded it better. They could of said bring a photo of a holiday or a day out somewhere fun.

Unfortunatley being a single parent there ends up being quite a few scenarios like this, in reception my DCs had a topic on "their home" and were asked to draw their home and who lives in it etc. That obviously hit a nerve and did end up with DC being a bit upset by it, or when they were making plants and were told to "plant it in their garden", which we didn't have in a flat.

You just have to take it on the chin really, a picture from any beach/mini break/nice day out will do the job fine. I'm sure atleast 50% of the children by 3 wouldn't have been abroad anyway regardless of financial status. It is hard though.

Well....I have complete sympathy with you and I would hope that you could have a word with whichever adult you have the most connection with at nursery. Really, just to say that the request discourages you and what you really hope for in a setting is to be encouraged as a parent. How you feel matters! I work in a nursery and I take my children to Butlin’s as it’s all I can afford. I do feel a bit uncomfortable when there is. call for holiday photos or “what job does mummy/daddy do?” photos. Come on, guys, this is a recipe for competition. None of the children notice or care, but it is just the start of them learning about inequality in our society, imho.

The kids don't care. Mine happened to have been abroad, but for a similar request, we used photos of central London (and we are in the commuter belt!) because that's what mine wanted to show.

I can't see the big deal, "abroad" means staying around a pool in an English-speaking resort for some people.

Nurseries and schools are trying to do something a bit interesting, don't read too much about it. Parents with a bit more money are usually not that fuss, and for a couple who need to show off Orlando theme parks, most let their kids chose some random experience.

I didn't take my dd on a plane anywhere until she was 8. I never went on a plane until I was 11. In both occasions it was to see US family and stay with them.
We went to Ireland with Irish Gdad when she was 3. All stayed together in as cheap a holiday as we could manage.

What Taxicum said!!!

Op. its not unusual to not having been abroad. My daughter two and only been once as pil paid. No plans this year. I doubt she remember her one week abroad and weve not been anywhere in uk apart from day trips. My sister is taking her 6 and 9 year old to france for first time. My bil and sil are taking their vvvv excited three children camping abroad for first time aged 8,6 and 3. Thinking of my daughters friends only a couple of been abroad,one to wales and a few to the coast. Please dont worry x

It only hits a nerve when people have a chip on their shoulder and feel bad about something. Other parents truly don't care. If you don't have a garden, just put a plant on a windowsill for example.

Asking children what their parents do is a natural thing to ask, surely? Why should they be embarrassed about their parents? At that age, the heroes will be the firefighters or the McDonalds' manager, when they are little their answers are hilarious.

Your kid is not missing out on anything, don't think they are and make them feel that too!

We made the mistake of spending 10 days in the Bahamas when our daughter was 9 months. She caught a bug on the flight out, and then spent the entire time with diarrhoea and vomiting in our hotel room. And then dh caught whatever she had and so I had him spewing out of both ends too.

Safe to say, it was the worst holiday I have ever been on. We couldn't do anything, and didn't even have the safety net of the NHS. After that holiday, we swore never again. Dd was very happy with a week or two in Cornwall every summer until she was 10!

My DD went abroad for the first time at age 6. The thought of taking a toddler or young baby abroad used to fill me with horror, they wouldn't remember it anyway.

Plus we couldn't get an earlier flight home cause you can't fly when you're ill.

I didn't go abroad until I was 12.

Now I've lived all over the world, and since having kids, so have they, but still we've only been on holiday twice - and in the UK.. because the kids just aren't into it - all they want is somewhere familiar, and if possible, a swimming pool. Trekking around some foreign city just isn't as interesting for them as it might be for me. 2 days into the 5 days at centreparks we took a few years ago, DS1 was already asking to go home - and the second time we went, to the same centreparks, he was more comfortable, but his little brother wanted to go home instead.

Oysters has it though - or if you don't have the computer stuff to do it, just cut out one of his pictures and put it on a magazine picture or something..

I grew up in a different country in the 80s and my parents could have never afforded a holiday abroad. It wasn't even a thing back then. The first time I visited a different country was when I was 19. Didn't do me any harm and I have fond memories of summers spent by the seaside in the country where I grew up. Young children will remember their parents spending lots of time playing with them during holidays and couldn't care less about visiting the Taj Majal at that age.

If they are a decent nursery then I imagine you could email them the pictures of your little one at the beach and ask them to print them out? We do this at our nursery for parents who don't have access to a printer

Don’t read too much into it, I doubt many kids have been ‘abroad’ by age 2!
Print the seaside photo, it’ll be perfect.

Children need love, cuddles, and for us to talk to them, read them stories, listen to their questions, and properly play with them. If you can do that, and occasionally give them some fish fingers and an apple, then you’re doing a damn good job in my book.

Holidays are a luxury not a necessity there are lots of people who don't go.
Can you cut out some pictures from a catalogue or magazine of different countries or landmarks, statue of Liberty, Eiffel Tower etc.

Agree that kids don’t care. My 7yo is disappointed that we’re doing Europe two years in a row - he’s now saving up to help us afford a caravan in the UK.

I’ve also sent a video into reception class of him on a camel in the canaries, following a similar request that you’ve had. I don’t think they got around to it, or didn’t fast forward the dvd correctly or something.

The most highly anticipated and enjoyed holiday so far has been a small terrace UK holiday house in a non holiday location next door to a police station. I reckon 4 and 5 year olds think that’s far cooler than an exotic beach.

I think I'd much rather send a photo where the child was involved and can relate to the story, than some random place.After all, the UK does have a few foreign tourists, and for foreign children coming here is "going abroad" - teach your child to enjoy what they have, not show them what they might be missing.

Just send in a photograph of your lovely day at the beach.
Children are happy just being with family and having fun, they couldn't care less what country the beach was in.
I do think it was a tad insensitive of the nursery, it could have been worded better.

Well in my experience even some of the kids who have been abroad - photos would be little more than: by a pool, and with the Nanny at the onsite nursery.

Even my eldest who had a pretty exotic holiday at one - the best photo might well be him sitting on the beach; but the sand is black!

But if one of my DC's nursery had sent a request like that it would really have been aimed at one set of parents - who were flight attendants, and one or other was always jetting off somewhere exotic 9not so much their children).

@SunnyCoco that's a lovely post

This is not about how often, where you all go or don't go on holiday. It is simply about learning and development. To those that make it a competition and those that imagine or interpret others as making it a competion...Man, do I feel sorry for you choosing to see it that way because it sounds uber exhausting.

The theme is "Around the world." and not "Lets all see where we've been on holiday and judge each other" (sorry I dislike sarcasm but my word, sooo frustrating. We're all holding ourselves back with this BS)

..And WHY is that the theme?

The reason why nursery are doing this is that one of the Early Learning Goals is 'Understanding the World'. This is just a box ticking exercise!

Yes, well, that is sort of true.. but wow, depressing.

A 'box ticking exercise' is still an exercise for (hopefully) a bloody good reason. Expanding childrens ability to "think wider/beyond what you know" has long been established as being the best possible practice in early years, a positive thing for all children (and incidentally all adults! but hey, aren't we often kinder to our children than we are to ourselves!)

If you practice this type of thought expansion in your mind straight off the bat you can apply this to your play. Your play will be richer as a result. Play is how children learn. That type of joined up thought will be part of the way you decode and understand the world around you.

I had a friend who went for an admissions test at a university, she said she was given a picture of an unknown arbitary statue and asked where exactly in the world it came from. Obviously the point of that test was not that you've been lucky enough to have been there to see the statue but that you can sew together everything you know so far about culture and history to make an educated deduction.

To those of you think pssshhh, whatever, who cares about uni, I just want my LO to grow up and just have a happy life. This is also the start of how empathy is developed. It's been proved now that truely empathic people have less mental health issues. They learn to empathise 'across time and space' which includes understanding and awareness of other cultures, languages, landscapes, animals and peoples.

Sorry to go all deep and hippy on you all but the next generation are going to be the ones that have the burden of solving the problems we are creating now. They can't do that if we are insular in our thinking and don't foster their link to the bigger picture or teach them to think outside the box.

Sorry, I am v. passionate about this as important in the early years.

The problem OP is the nurserys communication on this has been very very poor. Probably because explaining why your doing what your doing is hard or would take too long. Also, it does sadly happen that nursery staff sometimes don't know why they are doing what they're doing. Afterall as previously mentioned, they are not paid enough to think about these things!

Fake it 'til you make it.

Dress up and fake some comedy holiday pictures.

Neither of my children have ever been abroad, not because we can't afford it, simply because I don't want to take them. A holiday at that age is just extra time with you.

OP I think you are probs just a bit sensitive because of your financial situation. The reality is lots of the children won't have been abroad. My eldest is mid teens and has only left the country twice. Holidays just aren't a big priority for everyone.