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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I don’t have much to live for

61 replies

greenpatchwork · 02/07/2018 18:25

I’m not suicidal. I would like to die but that doesn’t mean I’m going to do anything active about it.

However that means I’m stuck with how I feel which is just beyond awful to be honest.

I am completely alone. I am absolutely sick with worry about my future as honestly this is all that I can see. I spend so much time in my own it isn’t good for anybody but I don’t see any real way of alleviating this. In short I suppose I just wish I had an off button for life. As I have had enough of it.

OP posts:

Neverender · 02/07/2018 18:28

Have you gone to the Dr's and had a chat with someone? You sound incredibly low and that's not ok

Mrsharrison · 02/07/2018 18:28

I have felt the same way.
What worries you about the future?

Original poster

greenpatchwork · 02/07/2018 18:30

More of this really. More misery, loneliness, worry and stress. I’m not going to the doctor. They can’t cure a shit life sadly.

OP posts:

CherryPavlova · 02/07/2018 18:31

Regardless of whether you think you are suicidal, you need to get some support as a matter of urgency. Make an appointment with your GP as a starting point.
Tell us a little about yourself and someone might be able to signpost you to other services/resources in your area. What did you enjoy a while back?
You don’t need to be alone but making the first step can be hard. Make plans to be put and about - use the same shops and pass the time of day with staff, go to the library (maybe even join their book club). Find small activities where you can join in. Exercise is always good. Outdoor swimming groups welcome all and are very friendly.

adayatthebeach · 02/07/2018 18:32

Tells more about yourself. Can’t all of us be your friends?

user1471453601 · 02/07/2018 18:33

Green, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. All the usual stuff applies (see you G P you may be depressed, things will change with time etc etc and so on. All good advice, however) I've been there, for years. Like you, I wouldn't have actually done anything, but did feel it would be fine if a car mounted the pavement and I was in the way. What changed? I have no idea, and it didn't change overnight. But change it did.

I wish the same for you. In the meantime, know that you are not the only one whose ever felt this way. A v in mumsnet hug, from me to you

Bramble71 · 02/07/2018 18:34

I've felt just the same, OP. I saw a life of loneliness, self loathing and solitude ahead of me, going to a miserable job that I hated and with nothing to look forward to. On the outside, to colleagues and customers, I was bubbly and personable, but I was dying inside.

What do you have in your life? Tell us about any family you are in touch with, do you work or volunteer outside of your home, your home situation, any reasons why you feel so low?

Cismyass · 02/07/2018 18:38

GP won't have the cure for a shit life but they'll certainly have resources to try to help you view your life as worthwhile then possibly take steps to improve your future? I say this as a long term severe depressive with barely controlled depression.

Original poster

greenpatchwork · 02/07/2018 18:38

I don’t have anything.

I wish I could say I had something I was proud of but my life is so cold and empty and I can’t stand it.

Thank you for the kind messages and for replying. It helps.

OP posts:

Mrsharrison · 02/07/2018 18:39

Actually anti depressants can be a lifeline along with counselling.

Do try and make that first step - no one can do it for you.

After a few weeks on ADs you can then tackle your loneliness. This will take effort which you currently don't have the motivation for.
There are many opportunities out there to get out socialising. You need to stop looking at the future with dread. The future doesn't exist. All we have is the present.

So please dig deep inside for your inner strength and get professional help.

Original poster

greenpatchwork · 02/07/2018 18:40

I know. I do nothing but socialise. And then go home alone.

OP posts:

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 02/07/2018 18:42

Do you work? Have a family? Even an extended one? Do you have something/illness preventing you meeting people?

Mogleflop · 02/07/2018 18:43

Sorry to hear you're feeling like this OP. I go through long phases like this too. I hope you feel like there's something worth living for again soon. It's hard work sometimes just keeping going

Mammalamb · 02/07/2018 18:44

Hi OP, I really really feel for you. I think you feel the feelings that many of us feel at different points in our lives. Unfortunately most of our lives have “lulls” or “downpoints” but life does usually improve xx

Original poster

greenpatchwork · 02/07/2018 18:45

You can meet so many people but still die alone I wish people understood

OP posts:

Grumpbum · 02/07/2018 18:46

I feel like this, I have some help in place but admitted once my children turned 18 and no longer need me I would think very seriously about putting my plan to end my life into action

Mrsharrison · 02/07/2018 18:46

Green are you saying you go out socialising a lot but you are single and that makes you depressed?

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 02/07/2018 18:46

A GP can't change a shit life, but medication or counselling might help you to cope with it better? Sorry you feel so miserable, it's not easy. I felt a bit like you in the past. It was horrible. In my case, it got easier gradually as I became more confident and I'm now very happy in my life, so please don't give up hope x

sparklepops123 · 02/07/2018 18:47

How about volunteering? Maybe you'll see life from other peoples perspective and help you re evaluate yours 💐

MakeMineALarge1 · 02/07/2018 18:49

Where do you live. Let us help you build links. I know the GP can't change your life, but counselling and AD can help the way you perceive your life.

SandysMam · 02/07/2018 18:51

I felt the same. I have kidney failure and soon will need a dialysis and a transplant if someone is kind enough to give that gift, dead or alive. All I could see was impending doom. I have an amazing counseller who has helped me to see that there can be a future and to find pleasure in the smallest of things. Helping others also gives me purpose and takes me away from my own worries. I’m really sorry you feel so shitty, I hope things get better

Tink1990 · 02/07/2018 18:54

I hope you are ok OP

Hauskat · 02/07/2018 18:58

It absolutely can get better - I know how unimaginable that is but it can. I would really suggest going to the gp. Actually getting help can be hard and I get why you would hesitate as it doesn’t seem like things can change anyway. Honestly honestly I have been there. I have desperately wanted to die. That thought terrifies me now because I have so much. As people suggested you can try antidepressants - that’s likely what the gp will suggest and they may well free you up enough to try to make some small changes. I would really recommend some psychoanalysis or analytical psychology just because that’s what’s worked for me.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 02/07/2018 19:00

I was going to suggest volunteering too. Not to meet people (although you will) but to give you a purpose in which you can find some value to you being around.

BrewDoggy · 02/07/2018 19:01

Could you get a dog/cat so your home won't feel so lonely?

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