Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I don’t have much to live for

61 replies

greenpatchwork · 02/07/2018 18:25

I’m not suicidal. I would like to die but that doesn’t mean I’m going to do anything active about it.

However that means I’m stuck with how I feel which is just beyond awful to be honest.

I am completely alone. I am absolutely sick with worry about my future as honestly this is all that I can see. I spend so much time in my own it isn’t good for anybody but I don’t see any real way of alleviating this. In short I suppose I just wish I had an off button for life. As I have had enough of it.

OP posts:
Bramble71 · 02/07/2018 19:03

Green, please help us to understand and have a picture of your life so that we can help. You say you socialise but go home alone; are you craving a relationship? Or is it something else?

Original poster
greenpatchwork · 02/07/2018 19:09

I have tried volunteering. I wish I could say it gave me an unselfish feeling of wellbeing but it didn’t, to be honest.

I have cats.

I am sorry. I shouldn’t have posted. I know there’s nothing anybody can do. I really am sorry.

OP posts:
Mogleflop · 02/07/2018 19:13

You've nothing to apologise for.

Sometimes all any of us can do is just keep going.

Icepinkeskimo · 02/07/2018 19:28

OP you don't have to apologise for anything, I'm glad you posted because you took me back to a period in my life when I had exactly the same view about my life. I felt like I accounted for nothing, like you I had animals. They are all rescues, and it wasn't until one of my neighbours told me I had such patience and such dedication to them, I should be proud of how I had turned them around into happy loving fur faces. That little comment has stayed with me, I realised I was doing something good, and life isn't about all these massive accomplishments.

So think on about this, you sound lonely as I am most of the time. Yes I have good friends but I am still lonely, but these cats get me up in the morning and that makes my loneliness days worthwhile.

I am going to sit in the garden shortly watching this lot get up to their antics, and know that I have done right by them, and will continue to. So you have accomplished something, please don't beat yourself up.

sparklepops123 · 02/07/2018 19:37

What do you enjoy doing? What makes you smile?

Mrsharrison · 02/07/2018 19:38

Green don't go away. Stop judging yourself and come back and talk to people who have been where you are.

Original poster
greenpatchwork · 02/07/2018 19:38

I just haven’t got the words to make people understand and I don’t want people to think I’m after a pity party. I’m sorry.

OP posts:
ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 02/07/2018 19:46

You absolutely should have posted and should keep posting. This is exactly the time when you should be posting and talking these feelings out. Even if you feels it isn’t helping, just keep talking. You’ve nothing to be sorry about. No one thinks you’re after a pity party.

longwayoff · 02/07/2018 19:57

Green please consider seeing your gp for antidepressants. You sound as though youve passed the point where you believe anything can help but that hopeless despair is part of depression. I would hope it can be alleviated even just a little to enable you to form some more positive thoughts from which you can progress. I guess nothing I say will really touch how u feel right now but try to get to the dr.

Strigiformes · 02/07/2018 20:02

Keep on posting green, it sounds like you're going through a really rough time right now so well done for reaching out Flowers

SnuggyBuggy · 02/07/2018 20:04

I think I get what you mean, you can "get out there" and meet people but actually developing meaningful intimate relationships with others can be virtually impossible.

It's not unreasonable to be unhappy about this.

ImSuchABigIdiot · 02/07/2018 20:08

Please keep posting OP - I promise you we’re all here for you Flowers could you take a lodger or have a housemate? Do you have a partner if you don’t mind me asking?

userofthiswebsite · 02/07/2018 20:11

greenpatchwork

Your post struck a chord with me as that's pretty much where I am at the moment.

Too much fear...

Feel free to PM me if you want to swap stories of sh** lives...

lifeisabeachsometimes · 02/07/2018 20:11

No one thinks you are a pity party. Do you have someone you could call maybe show them this thread, you don’t need to say anything.
Please know things can and will get better

Original poster
greenpatchwork · 02/07/2018 20:14

I have nothing and I have no one

OP posts:
lifeisabeachsometimes · 02/07/2018 20:14

Just take one step at a time. You don’t need to think of the future, nor the awful things that have happened in the past. What can you do right now to make things just a tiny bit easier. Who could you ring? What do you feel you could do op? Pick up your cat and hold it close, your cat loves and depends on you.

sparklepops123 · 02/07/2018 20:17

What makes you smile ?

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 02/07/2018 20:17

Do you have other worries eg health, finances, work, family conflict, or is it only loneliness? Are you feeling down because you're single? Or have no friends? Or no family? You haven't given much info and that's totally fine, up to you what you wish to share, but I'm not sure which aspects of your life are causing difficulty

Mrsharrison · 02/07/2018 20:17

Green you are seriously depressed.
You need help. Do not cheat yourself out of a good life by holding this all in.

lifeisabeachsometimes · 02/07/2018 20:18

Go and pick up your cat op. Stroke the fur and feel its heartbeat. The cat is cared for and loved and here because of you.
Do you feel you could call the smaraitans? 0800 58 58 58
They can help you op

lifeisabeachsometimes · 02/07/2018 20:20

I have been where you are.
You can feel better I absolutely promise you. You need to get some help and support first.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 02/07/2018 20:25

I know what you mean. I felt like that a couple of years ago, that I would love to be hit by a bus. And I felt terrible for it because I had everything - a lovely family, friends, pets, successful career. I went to my GP after it all came out one night and my DH insisted. GP was lovely, and I agreed to try anti depressants, although I really wasn't convinced. I was amazed at the difference they made, like night and day. A few weeks later I realised I was singing in the shower which I hadn't done in months!

I really would recommend going to your doctor. Be kind to yourself like you would if it was someone else. I hope things get better, you never know what good things might be found the corner for you Flowers

TheOxymoron · 02/07/2018 20:41

Hi OP, sorry to hear you’re feeling this way.
It is known as being passively suicidal. Please go and speak to your doctor. X

lifeisabeachsometimes · 02/07/2018 21:00

Op?

Original poster
greenpatchwork · 02/07/2018 21:10

Thank you.

I have tried ADs before and I really didn’t get on with them. Ultimately there is a lot wrong and I need to try and put that right. It’s just hard x

OP posts: