To think I don’t have much to live for

[greenpatchwork]

I’m not suicidal. I would like to die but that doesn’t mean I’m going to do anything active about it.

However that means I’m stuck with how I feel which is just beyond awful to be honest.

I am completely alone. I am absolutely sick with worry about my future as honestly this is all that I can see. I spend so much time in my own it isn’t good for anybody but I don’t see any real way of alleviating this. In short I suppose I just wish I had an off button for life. As I have had enough of it.

I’m not buying that you have nothing and no-one. It’s a good phrase. But just upthread you told us you do nothing but socialise.

So, what would it take for you to feel validated OP? Not volunteering, I get that. Not pets, I get that you have cats. What would make you feel validated?

A better job, getting up at the crack of dawn to hear birdsong? Shuffling out in your wellies to walk the dog? Cooking? I love cooking, Reading? Going to the gym always makes me feel amazing (afterwards). Gardening and cultivating things. Having kids? What would make you feel different?

Heya

It sucks being alone. It helps me to know that I am not the only one. Lots of people go around feeling lonely as far as I can figure out.

I try to do the small things but I am still pretty lonely underneath it all.

Sending some and some solidarity.

green- I am not qualified to give advice at all, just wondering if you have tried reading up on your situation with a kind of intellectual detachment, if you will? For example, would it help you to know that sociologically speaking, more and more of us in developed countries will be living alone- so there is nothing "unusual" about being alone- and indeed modern capitalism, along with lots of improvements, has brought about an increase in loneliness, a destruction of traditional family networks and support systems, and attendant ills such as suicide / suicidal feelings - and a lot of very smart and eloquent people trying to figure out why and how.

From a psychological point of view, classical psychologists from Freud (and thinkers from probably before) have been discussing our ancient "death wish" as a species, our tendencies towards self-destruction and self-sabotage. It might help you to think of your feelings as "typical", in a sense, of the human condition. rather than something which needs to be medicated with ADs etc.

Ennui, and the feeling of wanting to die but without doing much about it is the subject of a lot of artwork too.You might find it interesting to look it up.

Maybe trying to engage the "frontal lobe" of your brain- solving stuff, learning stuff you haven't thought about before, might get you through the next hour/day/chunk of time?

www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

There are lots of different ways to contact the Samaritans OP. Please seek help.

I don't think it will help if we say what you do have that is good. Eg I adore being alone - it is a price beyond rubies for me so going home alone (and indeed not having to socialise for me is heaven on earth) but you don't like it. In other words it is how you feel in your head, the balance of chemicals in your brain that is the issue not external things like if you go home with a man or have lots of babies at home or loads of money in the bank. So the best first step is seeing your GP and/or doing the things that tend to work with depression, eg getting lots of sleep, eating good foods, having a walk every day and of course pills if you feel suicidal.

Hello love. I am so sorry you feel so hopeless. Please keep posting, you don't sound like you're looking for a pity party at all. It must be terrible to feel how you do.

I know you said you're not suicidal but have you considered contacting Samaritans? They are available 24 hours for free and especially at night when these feelings might be worse it might help a tiny bit to speak out loud to someone.
Number is 116 123. They aren't just for people who are feeling suicidal, they're there for anyone who wants to talk for whatever reason.

In the morning I think you should contact your gp. You will have something in your life worth living for, it's just maybe a bit lost or dusty in your mind. Please seek help, you are too valuable and important not to

You can meet so many people but still die alone I wish people understood

I understand that. I have few people but at present am not alone so I get what you mean entirely. I don't mean to rub salt in the wound, just for you to know that your comment struck a chord.

What about looking to change your job for something that helps you feel fulfilled? Dating seems to obvious a suggestion, but are you? I also second what the PP said about learning and becoming expert in your area of interest. It might also help you form some really strong relationships.

Please keep posting and talking to us

I have felt like you in the past and I have a fairly good job, a DH and DC. However, I have always felt as if dying would just be easier - not wanting to commit suicide but really not existing any more if you see what I mean. I have had counselling and take anti-depressants. These definitely help. I would suggest exercising, which really helps and also maybe volunteering - there is always someone worse off and you would be able to empathise. Stick in - things will get better, you just can't see it now.

Hi greenpatchwork, sorry you are feeling like this.
Can you tell us why you aren't able to avoid spending time on your own?