Would you want to know?!

[helpmechoose1979]

Long story short - very senior guy at work is having an affair with one of my colleagues. I am
So angry about the whole
Thing. I have suspected
For months - lots of small signs etc - but we had a night out last week and it was made very clear that everybody at work knew - they disappeared off together very early. She stayed over in the hotel with him despite living 2 miles down the road etc.
Anyways long and short of it is I have this guy on Facebook - has a wife - 3 young children - plays the doting dad - usual type. His wife is a SAHM and I just feel so bloody sorry for her. I am
Very tempted to message her and reveal - AIBU? I would 100% want to know if that was my DH and I was at home like a mug while he was behaving that way - but also appreciate it's None of my business etc. Very tempted
And keep thinking about doing it but then backing out... what do you think I should do?

ignore the "none of your business" comments it's attitudes like that which normalise affairs. Some people have different moral compasses to others but it's clear you feel that you should tell her. I would be gutted if my DH did this to me but at least if I know I have chance to rebuild my life with a new man who loves me and treats me with respect. If you don't tell this woman she will probably stay married to him for years and live a lie.

Anonymous letter to her?

Unless you can provide proper evidence to the wife (photos of them together or copies or inappropriate communication) then it is really just heresay and gossip and unlikely to help the wife other than send her into a horrible life of paranoia and self doubt

The fact that they stayed in the same hotel on same night is not evidence

I really don't understand why you are so overinvested in this

If you do it, do it anonymously.

And DON'T do it from work on the work server/computer/phone/ etc.

Perhaps to a public library or a friend's house and do it from there.

You'll have to be somewhat specific so she doesn't have to wonder if it's just malicious instead of true as well. You don't want to put her in the position of not being able to know for sure it's true.

I’m sure most of the “myob” brigade have never had it happen to them. I began working with my friends husband. She found out soon after he was shagging around at work. Then I found out that most colleagues knew and it just contributed to the low morals of that work place. It was normalised. Totally surreal. My friend was furious and humiliated and was just about to sign into a new property deal with him. She was so angry nobody had the balls to tell her. She could have been financially ruined. I would tell her anonymously.

I wouldn't say anything. She's not yr friend. She may already know. If loads of other people know then there's a reason they haven't told her or maybe they have? Let it go and concentrate on yr own life as awful and sad as it is she may not thank anyone for telling her.