To be so annoyed not to get a thank you card?

[GinPink]

Friend got married. We gave a card and present (a gift voucher worth more than we could really afford - she had requested money instead of presents). My Mum also have her money as a gift.

I know people are busy but there was no thank you card, text, nada. It's been 6 months. I find it rude but also it's so annoying to constantly hear my mum ask if my friend definitely received her gift, as naturally she's expecting some kind of thanks?

I neither expect or give thanks for presents 🤷🏼‍♀️

@GinPink

Did she thank you when you GAVE it to her (like on the day?)

If she did, then IMO, you are being very precious.

Thank you cards are an outdated concept that don't belong in this century. Many people have better things to do than sit and manually write out 100+ thank you cards, and spend money on them (and the stamps which cost a bloody fortune now anyway!)

I have given gifts for weddings, and births of babies 5 or 6 times in the last 2 years alone, and have been thanked in person. I would find it weird and odd if I got a thank you card too. What a waste of resources, and card, and time, and money!

By the way, it's not their fault that you were daft enough to spend 'more than you could afford' on their wedding money!

And stewing over it 6 months on is a bit pathetic tbh. A few other posters claim to still be stewing over 'not getting a thank you' card (or even a text!) from a certain person (or couple,) from a long time back. How ludicrous. They must have very little else to worry about in their lives!!!

As @greatduckcookery said, I don't give to expect a thank you card back.

@Pikehau

I wrote thank you cards for most of my 80 guests

Fuck that.

I do admit I left dh a list of “his guests” as I had RSI and my hand ached too much to write them all and 9 years later I am still apologising to them that they never received one from us.

Absolutely ridiculous.

I have a strong suspicion the bride and groom thanked the OP personally on the day, but she probably will deny it on here.....

Thank you cards are silly piffle in this day and age.

Did YOU send a thank you card to her for inviting you to the do, giving you free food and entertainment? I bet you didn't. I don't see why it's ok for guests not to send thank you cards, but the host not sending cards is such bad etiquette.

She laid on a nice do, you gave her a nice prezzie. End of story imho.

Thank you cards are an outdated concept that don't belong in this century. Many people have better things to do than sit and manually write out 100+ thank you cards, and spend money on them (and the stamps which cost a bloody fortune now anyway!)

What's wrong with a group email or text, or FB message, you don't have to write out 100 thank you cards and pay postage. And this is what's wrong with the world today. Take take take with no thought of thanking anyone for anything. Rude and grabby and entitled.

I gave one nephew a card with the equivalent of £100 in $, as he was going to America to live and get married over there. I passed it to his Mum to give to him. Never heard another word. He could've posted a message to me on FB, that would've taken seconds. Won't be hurrying giving again.

Thank you cards are an outdated concept that don't belong in this century. Many people have better things to do than sit and manually write out 100+ thank you cards, and spend money on them (and the stamps which cost a bloody fortune now anyway!)

but somehow people seem to gather enough energy - and money - to send invitations

But if you did invite people to a wedding by email, or text, why couldn't you thank them the same way, which would be appropriate in that case?

most people have better things to do than attend weddings and give their money to buy something nice for the bride and groom, they are still being pleasant. It's rude and inconsiderate not to say thank you.

How many bride and groom really spend half of their wedding day opening cards and presents to say thank you in person?

I do hate thank you cards generally puppymonkey - my DF insists on getting her girls to write and send thank you notes for every blardy present - which is ridiculous now that I generally just bung a £10 voucher their way, cost of card and postage is probably about £1 so 10% of what I sent.

Weddings are different though IMHO, attendees will have spent a considerable amount on the gift, so its good to say thanks ( in whatever method is most appropriate) so that the sender at least knows it arrived. Plus it costs a fortune to attend a wedding - last one cost us over £500 by the time we stayed in the hotel ( which no other bugger did) bought new outfits - including the mandated suit that DH had to purchase to be in the wedding party and extra cost on travel. Present was on top of that.

To reiterate, I do NOT expect handwritten cards, anything will do, phone call, FB msg, text, whatsapp... just an acknowledgement, I don't think it's a lot to ask, especially when you haven't been asked to the wedding.

Did YOU send a thank you card to her for inviting you to the do, giving you free food and entertainment? I bet you didn't.

Actually most people do when they confirm that they will attend the wedding, thanking for the invitation and accepting - or declining if they can't make it.

So yes, I always do thank the bride and groom for inviting me

My initial title is misleading, I wouldn't really have expected a paper card, but no she has never said 'thanks' in any way shape or form. I've not sat here for 6 long months brewing about this, just my mum mentioned it for about a third time, and I realised no she hasn't and thought what a CF. I don't think that makes me particularly odd. By now if she was going to do it she should have I think. I have before said she maybe just needs time as it takes a while to do this after weddings.

There was a poem on the invite that went along the lines of 'we don't want presents, we just want money or vouchers'. There was just a table at the reception to put presents on (a postbox thing for the cards).

In fact I did thank her for inviting us to the wedding - it went along the lines of 'thank you we've had such a lovely day!! Hopefully see you soon!'

I get it, to thank everyone from weddings is a big job It's just beyond my comprehension that you could take loads of money from someone without a sniff of saying thanks. I've been raised to say thank you for everything I'm given.

YANBU OP, standards have slipped and rude people have allowed themselves to expect and receive gifts without the manners of a 'Thank You'.

We gave our nephew a nice wedding gift and didn't even know if they'd picked it up from the shop. We shrugged it off but it is annoying - and rude.

@littlemissdynamite you sound pretty angry at this, have a chill out glass of wine

To not send thank you messages is very rude.
We sent a gift to a relation who got married and never received a Thank You. The marriage has produced three children: we have sent cards but have never send birth gifts - if they are not even making the pretence of being grateful for gifts then I'm saving my money for someone else who is!

I think this is a changing etiquette thing, we were brought up to send thank letters, we did this when we got married 15 years ago. My DC do not routinely send thank you letters and very few of their friends do. I started of making them do them but realised we were out of step in doing so. I think it is because so little communication is done on paper. I suspect when they get married my DC wouldn't think of sending thank you cards because it isn't a culture they have grown up with.

I'm sorry, it I don't believe you handed over a gift and received zero acknowledgment. And if you just left it on a table instead of handing it over in person, then you forfeit your 'right' to personal bespoke thanks imo.

But jollyoldsoul, leaving cards and gifts on the card/gift table is what is done at many weddings. The table may or may not be presided over by a (possibly unreliable) relative who keeps a note of who has given what. You don't go running after the bride and pressing gifts into her hands.

Things go missing. Money especially.

I was also raised to thank people who sent me gifts/money. My 2 DC mostly thank the giver in person although the eldest writes to my 2 Great Aunts (youngest is 4 so signs his name) to thank them, usually enclosing a photo.

My Mum is ridiculous over thank you cards though. My cousin married a few years ago and DP's sent them a cheque. DP's didn't attend the wedding through choice. 2 days later my cousin messaged me (my parents not on facebook) to thank me for my gift and asked me to thank my parents for the cheque. She also stated in the message she would be sending thank you cards at a later date. Relayed this to DM - all good. A WEEK later DM moans that she still hadn't received the card and could I chase it up?! (I didn't). She recieved said thank you card/photo 6 weeks after the wedding and moaned because "cousins a sahm who had all the time in the world to write cards and she was quick enough to cash the cheque"

And if you just left it on a table instead of handing it over in person, then you forfeit your 'right' to personal bespoke thanks imo.

because there's nothing than a bride wants more than stopping her enjoying her special day to open presents and read cards. Or maybe that's just you!

How can you hand over a gift if you're not invited to the wedding (small wedding, no problem) ? It was my DH's nephew and godson, we passed a wedding card and equivalent of £100 in $ to his mother who confirmed she gave it to him, why would we forfeit the right to be thanked or even acknowledged?

Even if the culture has changed and people don't send cards now, why can't they thank on media .. there's loads of ways. FB, Whatsapp, txt, email. What's so hard ? Has the culture changed so much that it's not routine to thank anyone for anything any more? If so, that's sad

Horribly rude and the height of bad manners. You are right to be miffed! I'm a real etiquette stickler and always write, but accept others don't, but I'd still expect some form of thanks.

So they didn't even acknowledge the gifts in their speeches?
Tbh I think thank you cards are a bit of an 'english' thing to do. I'm from the continent and if someone gives me something I say thanks in person and that's the end of the matter. Thank you cards seem a faff to me but I did them as i realised it's the don't thing here.

Done not don't - stupid phone!

YANBU. The same people who would expect a gift are the same people that don't think they need to say thank you. I think at such a big event too it's nice to acknowledge everyone that attended, sometimes at great expense, when you might not have had chance on the day. So a quick card with 'lovely you could make it thanks for the gift' wouldn't go amiss.

@littlemissdynamite

Lovely turn of phrase I can see why you don’t write thank you cards

As for apologising 9 years later it’s clearly tongue and cheek I junk I metioned it to our best man and wife once after the event

My choice to write them as it’s clearly a nice thing to do especially for them older generation. No one needs to do anything 1) come to wedding, 2) give a gift, 3) say thank you but all are nice and appreciated and why wouldn’t we want to be nice!l and show appreciation by giving our time. Yeah fuck that eh!?!

@littlemissdynamite sounds like you're the ones who needs a chill pill, any need to be so aggressive?