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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex-wife being very unreasonable????

85 replies

Alijay01 · 02/07/2018 10:38

Very long story but I have 2 step children (boy 15 and girl 18) from my husbands first marriage and a very difficult ex wife, kids lovely i hasten to add. we moved closer to the kids to get more access and both of them wanted to stay with us for a week and. then their mum for a week, ex wife VERY unhappy about this but we started this routine at the beginning of the year "for a 2 month trial period" (her doing!!) at the end of Feb she stopped it because it wasn't working - Boy forgot his school shoes ONE time (not a prob as we just bought him another pair to keep with us ) However in the midst of all this we bought tickets to see Queen tonight at the O2 for all four of us as had the week on week off system carried on this would be our week, Girl 18 at work so not a problem, Boy 15 finished all his mock exams last week and not doing a lot until the end of term now.
We asked if we could take the kids tonight and she has said no absolutely not as it is a school night, it is but not a lot going on and 15 year old would still be getting 8 hours sleep! She has guilt tripped girl into not going as boy is not allowed to !!!
Hubby and I have now sold the tickets for more than we paid for them and got ourselves into a premier lounge into the bargain so actually a slightly better night out for us, not the point though
Am I wrong for being absolutely fuming with her because the only 2 people who lose out here are the 2 kids who were so excited about tonight!! Why would you do that to your own children ????

OP posts:
IfNot · 02/07/2018 14:53

I think this is all really strange.
One of the "children" is basically an adult, and the other is old enough to decide where he lives (within reason) and also to keep track of his own school shoes.
I also wonder of they are not using Mum as a convenient excuse because they have decided they don't actually want to split their time 50/50?
My son's father regularly gets annoyed with me for not facilitating contact, but it's ds who isn't enthusiastic about seeing him/phoning him. I expect his dad tells people I get off on witholding access too.
Whatever.
These young people need to sit down with both of their parents and work out what they want to do.
And you should calm the fuck down OP and stop demonising the ex wife. Try to act like grown ups, it's just easier.

GorgonLondon · 02/07/2018 14:54

I told you already flaming , you got me, I am indeed the ex-wife and I'm cursing you for foiling my cunning plan. You pesky kid!

flamingofridays · 02/07/2018 14:56

you're clearly as sad as the ex wife, anyway...

GorgonLondon · 02/07/2018 14:57

I AM the ex-wife, flaming, you pointed that out several times already. Why are you backtracking on your brilliant detective work now? Bask in your glory for a bit, you deserve it!

icelollycraving · 02/07/2018 14:59

Oh sorry, I missed the bit it was in their arranged time. Blush

flamingofridays · 02/07/2018 15:00

gorgon

has anyone ever told you you're really not as hilarious as you clearly think you are?

GorgonLondon · 02/07/2018 15:03

Oh I'm not trying to be funny flaming, you're doing a great job of that for all of us.

flamingofridays · 02/07/2018 15:05

ok..... not sure I understand that.

and I wasn't going to say it but its flamingo for gods sake!

Tinkobell · 02/07/2018 15:05

If her opinions are ruling the day, so be it. I wouldn't sweat it though as the kids are old enough to see reason and will do what they want. She just risks alienating herself very soon.

GorgonLondon · 02/07/2018 15:05

Incidentally, I'm neither an ex-wife nor a stepmum.

It's very, very, very obvious what you are though, flaming.

GrapesAreMyJam · 02/07/2018 15:06

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

flamingofridays · 02/07/2018 15:06

i'm a step mum who does 90% of the care so make of that what you will!

I don't give a shiny shit about the ex gf's life as she fucked that up all on her own!

I don't need to win, as long as me DP and DSS are happy.

GorgonLondon · 02/07/2018 15:10

I don't need to 'make anything of' it. Your shrieking and swearing, your excoriation of the ex-wife in this situation, and your unpleasant derogatory references speak clearly enough for themselves.

flamingofridays · 02/07/2018 15:12

I don't need to 'make anything of' it. Your shrieking and swearing, your excoriation of the ex-wife in this situation, and your unpleasant derogatory references speak clearly enough for themselves

oh I am sorry for swearing... you do know its allowed on the internet?

You assumed OP was the OW and broke up the marriage and wants to ruin the ex wifes life - what does that say about YOU?

diddl · 02/07/2018 15:14

They did want to go to the concert didn't they?

It wasn't just assumed that they would as it was there week?

When do kids get to decide for themselves if they'd like to do a one off activity with the nrp during rp's time?

Hillarious · 02/07/2018 15:16

We've only got one person's side of the story here, and it's hardly going to be an objective view.

GorgonLondon · 02/07/2018 15:17

It says that I can read.

No need to apologise to me for swearing; I'm not offended in the slightest, but it's so much more rhetorically effective when used sparingly.

Back to work now. TTFN flaming.

flamingofridays · 02/07/2018 15:19

when did OP say she was OW? Did I miss it?

and you clearly cannot read because its flamingo

flamingofridays · 02/07/2018 15:20

and even if OP was the OW - why is it appropriate to punish your own children over it?

WendyCope · 02/07/2018 15:35

I agree with Gorgon

I also don't think the DC's want to go to see Queen, for one thing, they'll get the piss ripped out of them at school!

My DH and I live apart and there are some off 'days' she just is tired and wants to be at home with e and not DH, some days the opposite. This is that, I think.

This is a VERY one sided story.

flamingofridays · 02/07/2018 15:37

for everyone that thinks OP was the OW, what exactly has that got to do with this?

WendyCope · 02/07/2018 15:38

Sorry, some days DD wants to be at home with me. It's where all her stuff is, for one and where there is no pressure 'to do something' (DH sees her once or twice a week and always does 'fun' things, he is a very good Dad, but DD, after school, sometimes can't cope with all the activity.)

Especially near end of term.

WendyCope · 02/07/2018 15:40

flamingo I think you are projecting a bit here.

flamingofridays · 02/07/2018 15:41

projecting what exactly? I am in a completely different situation....

I am just asking a question..... nobody has actually answered it though.

Fevs · 02/07/2018 16:30

I think if OP is the other woman that would hugely affect the relationship that she has with the ex wife. It would mean that anything she tried to arrange or suggest would immediately be looked at in a negative light because she would have broken up the woman’s marriage. Along with the husband but you get my point?

I don’t think it’s fair that the ex wife is doing this and I also think comments on here saying that the children would get bullied for going to see Queen are extremely narrow minded and in a way immature.
It’s a great musical, me and my sisters were brought up on music from all generations. Nothing wrong with that!