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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ex-wife being very unreasonable????

85 replies

Alijay01 · 02/07/2018 10:38

Very long story but I have 2 step children (boy 15 and girl 18) from my husbands first marriage and a very difficult ex wife, kids lovely i hasten to add. we moved closer to the kids to get more access and both of them wanted to stay with us for a week and. then their mum for a week, ex wife VERY unhappy about this but we started this routine at the beginning of the year "for a 2 month trial period" (her doing!!) at the end of Feb she stopped it because it wasn't working - Boy forgot his school shoes ONE time (not a prob as we just bought him another pair to keep with us ) However in the midst of all this we bought tickets to see Queen tonight at the O2 for all four of us as had the week on week off system carried on this would be our week, Girl 18 at work so not a problem, Boy 15 finished all his mock exams last week and not doing a lot until the end of term now.
We asked if we could take the kids tonight and she has said no absolutely not as it is a school night, it is but not a lot going on and 15 year old would still be getting 8 hours sleep! She has guilt tripped girl into not going as boy is not allowed to !!!
Hubby and I have now sold the tickets for more than we paid for them and got ourselves into a premier lounge into the bargain so actually a slightly better night out for us, not the point though
Am I wrong for being absolutely fuming with her because the only 2 people who lose out here are the 2 kids who were so excited about tonight!! Why would you do that to your own children ????

OP posts:

BrendasUmbrella · 02/07/2018 12:16

It's awful if their DM is fucking with their heads, but what can you do? Don't get involved in the drama, don't mention the concert to them. If DM carries on this way, she'll alienate them by herself.

MsHomeSlice · 02/07/2018 12:25

Why the marriage ended is HUGELY relevant on MN as if the OP is/was the OW she must be reviled, and put in her place, and told she is less than the dirt under the ExW's feet.

It's a shame the children are missing out, but I am sure they are aware it is their mother's doing and it'll be driving that wedge between them a little deeper each time she does something like this.

divadee · 02/07/2018 12:26

Jesus Christ. Some of the replies on here.

So mum misses the kids so the dad shouldn't have them. If this was a dad on here saying he missed the kids he would get a different response. If the children want to see him then the ex wife shouldn't stand in the way.

The son wasn't missing school. The ex wife didn't want him having a late night. Now at 15 years old I think he is old enough to cope with one bloody late night.

The ex wife is being controlling and is out of order. It's one night out for God's sake.

StepBackNow · 02/07/2018 12:33

Soon the kids will vote with their feet and it will serve the ex right. Nasty cah

Hillarious · 02/07/2018 12:40

Sounds like communication is a bit of an issue here. Surely you've not told the ex wife about tonight's concert only today?

icelollycraving · 02/07/2018 12:57

I’m pretty surprised they wanted to see Queen but different strokes and all that.
Are you the reason they split up? That would explain why she doesn’t want you involved too heavily,
I would in the future only book things when they are on their time with you. That way their dad can decide.
Don’t get drawn into making the kids choose.

icelollycraving · 02/07/2018 12:58

^ that sounded a bit rude. Wasn’t meant to. Just trying to see if there was a reason for her to feel upset.

Bluebell878275 · 02/07/2018 13:38

icelollycraving The tickets were booked during the time the kids were still doing the week on week off thing...it was initially in the time they were with their Dad.

Even if the OP had been the OW, that is no reason for the ex to make things difficult for the children.

adaline · 02/07/2018 13:49

Surprised some people are defending the ex.

So, their father wants to take them to a concert. Neither will miss school, nor will they miss any other vital event to attend. But because their mum doesn't think they should spend 50% of their time with their other (equal) parent, they have to stay home?

Disgraceful. And if this was a father refusing to allow them to attend an event with their mother, there would (rightly) be uproar.

Littlechocola · 02/07/2018 13:58

What do your dh’s Children want to do?

flamingofridays · 02/07/2018 14:02

I would hate to have my kids away for r a whole week every other week, maybe the ex is on her own and misses them and it’s nothing more sinister than that.
You sound like you smugly wish to bulldoze throw by your own plans then get to kick her when she disagrees

Oh poor ex wife - she misses them? one of them is 18 ffs what is she going to do when they both move out? does their dad not miss them too or does that not matter?

Op is not "kicking her when she disagrees" either.

ex wives club is out in force today isn't it.

flamingofridays · 02/07/2018 14:03

I would in the future only book things when they are on their time with you. That way their dad can decide

that's what they did but then ex wife changed contact,

GorgonLondon · 02/07/2018 14:13

flaming I'm not an ex-wife and I've never been cheated on. But I find it interesting how many women of the type that gets a kick out of splitting up marriages also continue to kick the 'defeated' wife once they're down. To the extent of starting nasty threads about them on discussion forums.

SpiritedLondon · 02/07/2018 14:23

Fucking hell the hyenas are circling. Determined to make this a problem caused by the OP. She’s answered all of this if you read her posts. OP what they want to know is whether you were the “ other woman” because they can then legitimately shave your head and drag you through the streets for you to be publicly stoned. Under no circumstances do you get the right to anything - ever. I personally think the mother sounds vitriolic and inventing reasons why she doesn’t want the children to go - and even teenagers are not necessarily going to want to hurt or upset their mum.( what would they get... the cold shoulder ???) it’s probably easier for them to do what they know she wants rather than put up with a bad atmosphere. I know a woman EXACTLY like this.... 4 years after the divorce.

flamingofridays · 02/07/2018 14:26

flaming I'm not an ex-wife and I've never been cheated on. But I find it interesting how many women of the type that gets a kick out of splitting up marriages also continue to kick the 'defeated' wife once they're down. To the extent of starting nasty threads about them on discussion forums

how many women of the type? are you suggesting that OP broke up their marriage?

Why would she need to kick the wife while she is down?

what an absolute BITCH op is for inviting two children (one of which is actually an adult) to an activity they would enjoy when they were in fact supposed to be spending time with op anyway.

Jesus Christ get a fucking grip!

GrapesAreMyJam · 02/07/2018 14:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

GorgonLondon · 02/07/2018 14:37

I don't know if she was the other woman or not flaming because she's gone very quiet since she was asked about that.

But the marriages I've seen that have fallen apart in this way, among family and friends, I've noticed that it's never enough for the affair partner to 'win'. They have to assert their dominance by bitching about the ex-spouse to everyone too.

Which seems to be what's going on here. The OP is hardly a vulnerable person in need of support, is she?

This thread was started purely so she could rant about how awful this woman is for her relationship to her own children. OP doesn't even know what school year her stepson is in.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 02/07/2018 14:39

Grapes
Mocks used to be around Christmas time in Yr11 to scare the shit out of the children so they actually do some work for the exams in May/June. DS1 is Yr 10 and had end of year exams but his mocks aren't until Yr 11.

flamingofridays · 02/07/2018 14:39

well gorgon since you don't have a clue whether op was the OW or not, your "concerns" are entirely irrelevant, no?

why do you think this has anything to do with "winning"

op and dh want to do nice things with the kids - what the fuck has that got to do with the ex?

why shouldn't she rant about this woman, she is doing a disservice to her children.

are you the ex wife?

SpiritedLondon · 02/07/2018 14:43

It’s the whole point of AIBU surely to complain about people - no one is immune.

dogzdinner · 02/07/2018 14:44

I was initially going to say that maybe the mum feels lonely and left out when the kids go to their dad's, but now I see that she has her own partner and social life.

I think why the marriage ended and how long ago, is relevant in trying to understand the mum's motives though.

flamingofridays · 02/07/2018 14:45

its really irrelevant how the marriage ended, she's punishing her children, not anyone else.

How sad that you hate someone more than you love your own kids.

Bluebell878275 · 02/07/2018 14:46

Mocks are in Year 10. My 15yr old DSD is completing hers this week.

GorgonLondon · 02/07/2018 14:47

are you the ex wife?

Oh no, you got me!

My cunning disguise failed and you saw straight through it. Doh!

flamingofridays · 02/07/2018 14:52

well you seem to be dead sure OP was the OW and is trying to ruin the ex wifes life.

if you are not her why do you think that?

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