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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send DD to nursery?

58 replies

LookWhosHavingKittens · 02/07/2018 04:06

I think I may be U.

DD has slowly come down with something over Friday and this weekend. I'm in a position where I really need to be in work for reasons I won't go into, DH is away on a course and I have no one to look after DD. Her temp is 37.9 and she's coughing and sneezing. I was sure it was just a cold but now not so sure because of temperature but has been teething for a while now. I need nursery to check her temperature during the day and administer medication if temp present. Would you send your DC? And would your nursery take them? Mine seems to have a generic policy which doesn't mention specifically when they will and won't take them.

OP posts:
moira123io · 02/07/2018 04:11

DO NOT send your child in if you know they are sick and probably contagious. Seemingly minor illnesses can be hell to some children. It's irresponsible. VERY U!!

Monty27 · 02/07/2018 04:15

No! She needs you and the other children don't need her infection. FFS put your child first. Don't be so selfish.

PremierNaps · 02/07/2018 04:30

Confused Yes very unreasonable. Do not send her in!

Original poster
LookWhosHavingKittens · 02/07/2018 04:31

I want to be there to look after her too but I am concerned about work implications at the same time. However it is a very good point about other children, although I've seen seemingly sick children there, it did make me think what if a child had asthma, seizures, etc. that could make things worse.

She has since been sick from coughing so I'll most definitely be keeping her at home.

OP posts:
GoldenMcOldie · 02/07/2018 04:32

Don't be bloody ridiculous.

Work from home. If this isn't possible, you will need to take the day off.

How can you even consider sending a sick child to nursery?

Original poster
LookWhosHavingKittens · 02/07/2018 04:42

I've asked because research shows many parents send their children to nursery when ill so wondered if it was the done thing.

OP posts:
FoxAndBear · 02/07/2018 04:44

Our nursery says children only need to stay off if they have S&D or a high temperature that can't be controlled. Otherwise the kids go in.

As for the pp who said just 'work from home' like you can get actual work done with a baby Hmm

You have my sympathy, hope you find a good solution.

moira123io · 02/07/2018 04:46

Perhaps it's the done thing by those who are incomprehensibly selfish! If you can't consider the other kids, think about your own, let her sleep it off and recuperate at home. Work can never come first when you have kids.

Pengggwn · 02/07/2018 04:48

This is what being a parent is, isn't it? Your child needs you and that comes first. Doesn't matter whether you're orchestrating the Great Exhibition of 1851. That is secondary to the fact that your child needs to be at home.

I know what it's like, though. Very hard!

nicknamehelp · 02/07/2018 04:50

Speaking as a mum of an immune suppressed dc please don't1 for sake of any dc who are vunrable but also for your own dc sake if spiking temp and unwell they need one on one care at home.

LadyRochfordsHoickedGusset · 02/07/2018 05:05

I wouldn't be able to concentrate at work at all if my baby was coming down with sth potentially serious. And yes could infect others,

YAB v v U.

Justanotherfemale · 02/07/2018 05:14

Sorry but what is the mentality of some of the posters on this forum? Your child is sick and all you think about is yourself.....

Bumpitybumper · 02/07/2018 05:22

I think sending poorly children into nursery/school is quite common although I don't think that this makes it right. It seems from your OP that you instinctively knew not to send her in but the potential impact on your work meant you were driven here in the hope that people would say something that would override your instinct. I think some of the posters on this thread have been unnecessarily harsh, you are trying to balance the competing needs of a sick child and important work commitments and it's only human to want to seek out a solution that would allow you to meet both. Sadly I don't think there is one in this scenario and work will just have to take the hit (presuming you don't have anyone else that could help like the child's father?).

JamSandwiches45 · 02/07/2018 05:26

Don't be dumb. If you can't care for the child find a babysitter or a nanny for the day.

Imknackeredzzz · 02/07/2018 05:44

Jesus Christ you actually needed to ask this question?!

What about all the poor other children who she will go on to infect?! Do you give 2 shits about them?

The utter selfishness of people makes my blood boil!

Original poster
LookWhosHavingKittens · 02/07/2018 05:44

I've carried my child for 9 months, love and nurture her, she's happy, well looked after and I did not want to leave her. I am currently in the midst of stuff going on with work at the point where I am just returning (not a workload wise, I mean with my future at the company) which I am concerned about impacting on our family if I have time off but yes, I'm putting myself first Hmm I don't think anyone who goes to work to provide for their family puts themselves first do they?

I am a FTM and, as I said, I've read people do it frequently so it was a question. My DM used to take me to work with her if I were ill because she couldn't afford not to, so I don't really know about these things. If people ask on Mumsnet they are asking because they want to hear other sides, I know it's AIBU but the "mentality of some posters" asking questions is that they may not be sure. Especially in this case as a PP said their nursery would take them.

Yes IWBU to think of it but it's why I asked!

nicknamehelp I won't be and I appreciate your viewpoint, thank you.

OP posts:
Theresomethingaboutdairy · 02/07/2018 05:51

I really feel for you OP. I dread one of the dc being ill and the implications of having to take time off work. To the poster who said you are selfish, well that's ridiculous. I know how awfully guilt ridden you feel when you are torn between work commitments and a poorly child, I guess some people just don't 'get it'. Is there a grandparent or friend that could help out? We have a childminder now who will take them in these situations, obviously not with S&D but pretty much anything else.

ItsClemFandangoCanYouHearMe · 02/07/2018 05:53

Wow the responses on here are shocking! The OP is in a position where she says she has to be in work but she is thinking of her child and asking for opinions, not to be slated!

She may be in a position where she would lose her job if she doesn't go in etc so there's really no need to jump down her throat, you can still say it's a bad idea without all that.

FWIW OP, I sympathise. I'm in a new job with a 3 year old and a baby in nursery and we've never been such a ill household since they started there, picking up everything and I'm worried as I've had to take 1 day off sick, 1 1/2 day sick and had to leave at 3 on another (all on probation) to collect my baby as he was crying non stop and the nursery were worried.

We all want to put our children first and not send them on ill for both theirs and other children's sake but it's not as easy as Just taking a day off.

I hope you get this resolved and you LO feels better soon.

OpenThatTrapDoor · 02/07/2018 05:58

To be honest if she has a temperature, needs medication during the day and has vomited I think very few nurseries would take her.
It is so difficult juggling childcare emergencies and work, especially when you first go back to work as it seems you’re constantly needing to take time off, but it’s what you have to do.

JamSandwiches45 · 02/07/2018 06:02

You're justification doesn't stand up. There are MANY full time mothers who work. By sending you DD to nursery to infect others kids you are forcing those mothers to take time off too! Jesus, SELFISH!

speakout · 02/07/2018 06:05

Don't be so selfish.

Pixiedust2017 · 02/07/2018 06:14

My nursery won't accept my child if she needs medication during the day unless it is antibiotics or something regular that is needed to control a health condition. They said for paracetamol, if she needs it ad hoc then she isn't well enough to be in nursery and I should keep her home.
As for temperature, they said anything under 38 is not classed as a fever and so is fine.
I see you have already said you will keep her home today, but maybe for the future so you are sure, call your nursery and ask them what exactly the policies mean. That way you will have a better understanding of when you can and can't take LO in.
Hope she gets better soon and your work are understanding!

Dreamingofkfc · 02/07/2018 06:18

If you send her and she's unwell, they'll just ring and expect you to pick her up, which you'll have to do

speakout · 02/07/2018 06:20

Like it or not our children's health has to take priority.

RideSallyRide76 · 02/07/2018 06:21

Oh op I agree you need to keep her off and have decided to do so now. Sorry you have had some harsh and nasty replies though, I've never understood why posters feel the need to swear at an op and call names when they are obviously struggling and in a tight spot. That scenario "I really really need to be in work but my child is sick" is a difficult one and you have my sympathy.

And yes "work from home" because it's always that easy. Confused
Good luck op I hope people in real life are a bit kinder towards you.