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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Retirement - really?

91 replies

CowesTwo · 01/07/2018 20:37

I am coming up for retirement age next spring. I’ve worked ever since I was a 14-year-old Saturday girl, and worked all through my three years at uni.
Tonight I said to my DH, I may just see if I can put my hours down to a 3 day week. Those wages, plus my state pension, will see me bringing in the same money.
However, if the boss doesn’t like that idea, I may just retire fully
Husband is now unhappy, thinks I’m ‘shirking’ my responsibilities and being a lazy sod.
Really? AIBU?

OP posts:
CowesTwo · 01/07/2018 21:07

He has his own business and already earns more than me. However for most of our marriage I was the main breadwinner. In the last ten years I have moved to a different stage in my career, kinda downsizing if you like, winding down in my career. For 22 years we have split everything 50. /50 . I just think the fact that I am now at retirement age has kinda surprised him, as the age gap has never been an issue before.

OP posts:
Bezm · 01/07/2018 21:08

I too am older than my husband by 4 years. I retire in January 2020. From this September I will go from 5 -4 days, then in Jan 2020 will officially retire so I can access my teachers pension, but be reemployed for 3 days.
I asked him what he thought. He said it was up to me! I've worked non stop since I was 16, even working through 4 years at Uni in my late 20s, and only had 6 weeks maternity leave. So I will have done 44 years in total. However, I intend to continue working for a few more years.
Because he had been travelling, he only started working at 26. He will retire at 66. He will have worked 40 years.
Tell your husband to stop being a plonker. Retire, don't retire. It's your choice.

youngowl · 01/07/2018 21:10

How old are you? Just interested, if you're in your 40s he may have a point but otherwise he is being very unreasonable.

SerenDippitty · 01/07/2018 21:13

I am planning to retire at 60. At that point I will have been working full time, uninterrupted, for 40 years. I think it’s enough.

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 01/07/2018 21:13

So what does he say when you point out that you were the main breadwinner for most of the marriage?

SerenDippitty · 01/07/2018 21:14

Meant to add, that’s 3 years from now.

nannybeach · 01/07/2018 21:15

can I ask how old you are? I retired 2 years ago, after over 40 years nursing, and a lot of other jobs, the last 25 years nights, most of the staff retired at 60, I went to 65, I did actually give my notice in to retire after we moved, downsized to be near the sea, (although I was going to still work temporary workforce at 2 local hospitals). 5 days after I had given my notice DH came home said his company had liquidated there and then, no more job no money for that month either, I rescinded my retirement, went back to full time, (nights) almost 100 mile round trip commute. He had a breakdown, was out of work exactly one year, applying for over 50 jobs. He does think I do nothing all day,I am on speed dial for DGKs if they are sick and Mum has to work, that is an 80 mile round trip, it does happen, I have them school holidays, and some other times when Mum has to go on courses. I have a 6th of an acre of garden, make my own,jam,pickle,candles, soap, (christmas presents) knit,sew, veg plot, 2 dogs. He is 7 years younger than me, but started a private pension in 1980, he actually retired in March, this year (on his 60th) he lasted a month, hated it, and went back to work.

soulrider · 01/07/2018 21:17

But if you're bringing in the same money, how is it worrying him?

The OP says she'd be bringing in the same money if she worked 3 days a week plus pension. If she didn't work at all as suggested her income would drop.

IStillMissBlockbuster · 01/07/2018 21:17

So he's being a selfish dick OP.

HollowTalk · 01/07/2018 21:18

The OP has said she's nearly at state retirement age, which is currently at 65 or 66.

Pippylou · 01/07/2018 21:20

Of course you can retire if you have enough finances...

Tell him a divorce is expensive.

AStatelyPleasureDome · 01/07/2018 21:22

Retiring at 65 or 66 isn't lazy, you've earned it. DH is being a selfish, mean prick. He obviously resents you enjoying yourself whilst he works, which is contemptible.

CowesTwo · 01/07/2018 21:22

I am 64 and a half. I should have been at retirement age 4 years ago, but the age for women went up. It’s not so much that the full household responsibilities for money will fall on him, more that there are no extras for our holidays, dinners out etc. We are not going to starve but there will be a belt tightening. But more than anything, i’m bloody tired. I’ve now paid in 50 years of NI contributions,

OP posts:
LighthouseSouth · 01/07/2018 21:23

I think he's jealous. Weird reaction still.

Enjoy, I say!

Racecardriver · 01/07/2018 21:24

If you are able to work you shouldn't be taking a state pension. You are taking money away from young people who can't afford to just give up work because they feel like it.

category12 · 01/07/2018 21:27

Wtaf racecardriver?

ShovingLeopard · 01/07/2018 21:28

So he thinks it will be fairer if you have to work for 9 years longer than he does?

SerenDippitty · 01/07/2018 21:29

I agree he is jealous.

Oldbutstillgotit · 01/07/2018 21:30

Racecardriver. Do you actually understand the State Pension system in the UK ?

goatsgalore · 01/07/2018 21:30

Please explain racecar Hmm

OddBoots · 01/07/2018 21:31

Racecardriver, if that is your attitude then you will be very cross if you read what happens when someone defers taking their state pension.

butlerswharf · 01/07/2018 21:31

@Racecardriver silly comment

CowesTwo · 01/07/2018 21:31

Racecardriver - do you know how state pension works? It’s no a benefit - I have been paying into this retirement scheme for 50 years - what the hell are you talking about???

OP posts:
Mrsmadevans · 01/07/2018 21:34

OP sod him , go for it , enjoy it and to hell with him . You deserve it .

butlerswharf · 01/07/2018 21:35

@CowesTwo are you sure @Racecardriver isn't your husband in disguise GrinWink

Enjoy your retirement which you've more than earned. Wine

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