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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel outraged by a mum who said "congratulations! I didn't know you were expecting..."

78 replies

sauce · 25/05/2007 12:07

Yesterday when picking up the dc from school. It was hot & I was wearing one of these stupid smock dresses. I wanted to strangle the stupid, nasty, ill-bred b*tch. I'd seen her the day before at a PTA mtg. She was sitting opposite me, wearing a t-shirt and I noticed a small roll of fat hanging over her jeans when she was sitting. I think she knows I noticed her roll & decided to get back at me? Still, I was seething. Still am.

OP posts:
tissy · 25/05/2007 13:21

I also agree that everyone wearing a smock looks pregnant...isn't "congratulations" a nice thing to say to someone? Doesn't sound bitchy to me. You don't like her, so have interpreted her words in a way which reinforces your predjudices.

Original poster
sauce · 25/05/2007 13:22

Otter! you checked my profile. I was wondering what you were on about. The staircase was already in. I wouldn't have picked the wires (too dangerous) but it's not bad.

OP posts:
otter · 25/05/2007 13:22

laudaud ....go on then swear you did not have a peek!!!

Original poster
sauce · 25/05/2007 13:23

Okay, okay. I'll (briefly) post a picture of me in a swimsuit... stand by!

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 25/05/2007 13:25

Sauce you look enviably 'trim' in the blue dress you are sporting in current photo

Songbird · 25/05/2007 13:27

I like my smock tops - I want people to think I'm pregnant rather than just fat . One day I wore one to work and noticed everyone looking at my tummy, so I suggested we go to the pub at lunchtime!

I got really annoyed the other day (1st day back after wonderful holiday) as someone said I'd put on weight. I could have lamped the bitch! Sorry, but veeeeeery touchy subject!

Songbird · 25/05/2007 13:30

AND I was wearing a rather flattering non-smock top! Grrrrr!

snowleopard · 25/05/2007 13:34

Blimey songbird what kind of woman tells you you've put on weight after your hols? Assuming you're pg could be an honest mistake, but that's just rude!

Genidef · 25/05/2007 13:35

Sauce - I feel for you! Sorry about that, and yes I would be irritated.

It is hard to get these things right though. Years ago before we were even thinking babies and pregnancy just wouldn't have entered my head a friend came to visit who was (whoops!) five months pregnant. I said nothing throughout the whole meal. Finally she said something about the baby and I go, "You're pregnant! Congrats etc etc. " She was actually offended: "DID YOU THINK I'D GET THIS HUGE NORMALLY?"

snowleopard · 25/05/2007 13:37

I actually know someone who congratulated an acquaintance on being very obviously pg and it turned out she wasn't - she had some kind of horrible cyst she was waiting to have removed! It's just never a good idea. This person therefore didn't mention my pg until I did, although I had a bump the size of a space hopper.

TheDullWitch · 25/05/2007 13:39

I wore a smock recently and my father asked me if I d put on weight. I chucked it foreveer into the back of my wardrobe. It is just a shite fashion. Only feasible for the very young who no one will suspect of being pregnant.

redtoenails · 25/05/2007 13:41

I have asked someone who I knew to be pregnant when she was due and she had had it 2 weeks earlier. I was very .
Also I didn't ask someone if they were pregnant and they turned out to be about 8 months gone. She was fat and I couldn't see a difference

Genidef · 25/05/2007 13:42

I'm wearing a smocked shirt today - and rather fancy it. Must re-examine from a side angle!!!!

niceglasses · 25/05/2007 13:44

I don't know many mothers without a muffin top roll to be honest.

Those smock tops do make you look a bit preggars. I've worn them for years - I do see a few confused glances - not too bothered tho. Been asked 3/4 times if pg as well..........

Ach, think youre being a wee, taddish bit harsh...

bosscat · 25/05/2007 13:45

I bought the ballet dress in gap last week and its a beautiful dress, good value for money and from the side sticks out as if you are 8 months pg. who on earth would look good in that? even if you were a size 0 it would still stick out. it went straight back

Songbird · 25/05/2007 14:08

The smock tops are really flattering on me from the front ? give me great boobs and skim over the mushroom cloud over my jeans (muffin top just don?t cover it!). From the side it?s a different matter, but I?ll take what I can .

Hassled · 25/05/2007 14:12

It's happened to me twice and the first time I went home and cried. It did motivate me to do some sit-ups/strap on the slendertone belt more often but ffs I've had 4 very large babies and and feel I've earned my spare flab . No, you're not being unreasonable to be outraged - I always make very very sure someone's pregnant before commenting. Basically the safest option is to say nothing unless they're obviously in labour .

MEMsmum · 25/05/2007 15:11

Hah! Count yourselves lucky - I have just had lunch with a friend (also 44), ran into someone from another office in my building who said "No one told me you were pregnant!" then topped it off with "And is this your daughter?" ... !!

And no, I'm not wearing a lovely smock - definitely a no-no for the portly. Sigh.

Genidef · 25/05/2007 15:26

MEMS
The friend I mentioned below who I didn't relise was pregnant (and assumed I thought she was just fat) was once asked if I was her daughter. Unbelievably embarrassing. I didn't know WHAT to do except bang on in the vien of: "I'm short but not the size of a LARGE CHILD." We were in Germany where I'm usually at least ten inches shorter than almost everyone around me. Okay, the size of large child.

BettySwallocks · 25/05/2007 15:27

Someone said this to me and it wasn't until I looked that I realised I was pregnant.

Silly me

beansprout · 25/05/2007 15:29

Someone asked me if I was pregnant this week and I wasn't even wearing a smock top

LoveAngel · 25/05/2007 21:29

I had people referring to my 'pregnancy' up to a year after my son was born. Mortifying at first, but I actually started to find it funny (the look on most people's face when you say 'Actually, I'm just a porker' = usually priceless).

The moral of the story, though:

SMOCK TOPS: JUST SAY NO.

hana · 25/05/2007 21:31

I never never never assume someone is pregnant after completely accidently thinking a friend was I wait to be told now....!

DumbledoresGirl · 25/05/2007 21:35

I used to meet a woman every week at the swimming pool where our children were having lessons. She was pregnant and one day I saw her after the holidays and I opened my mouth to say "Gosh, have you not had your baby yet?" as I knew she was well overdue, when I suddenly saw her being followed by her mother carrying a newborn baby in a car seat. I am sooooooo glad I did not get the words out quickly enough!

Give the woman a break. We all make mistakes. And to be totally honest, I am not buying one of those smock tops this season as I do think they make everyone who wears one look pregnant.

mummytosteven · 25/05/2007 21:38

Oh I had a similar PG question the same when I went to M & T in a smock a couple of months ago. Mind you my answer back was - "No, just fat!" rather than - same to you too. So sounds like you gave rather at least as good as you got.