To not let employers know I’m having bariatric surgery?

[Mollie85]

Am planning bariatric surgery at the start of a two week leave period in October. I am having a sleeve. Realise lots of people are against this and have been doing my research for a long time, so please- no helpful horror stories I’ve made up my mind.

My Aibu is this: Am I being unreasonable to not let my employer know? I won’t be using up sick leave, just annual leave and by all accounts should be able to return to work in two weeks (sedate desk job, no lifting).

I presume I don’t have an obligation to tell them (certainly nothing in my contract) but wondered if I should let HR know should something go wrong and I need extra time?

Thanks in advance

OP apologies for my ignorance about CI residents not getting the same NHS benefits as mainland UK. I had no idea.

It is because i have that experience that I understand that problems that manifest themselves through relationships to food can't be fixed by external, artificial physical means, whether that's force feeding or bariatric surgery.

But you won't seek help, because "therapy doesn't work". Right.

OP, so glad you'll be getting psychological support afterwards.

Haha! I shrank before them last time and then blew up before them. I’ve never been able to stay consistent whilst using food as a crutch, which is why I do need to use this counseling alongside the surgery to address both the physical and mental side of things.

I’m quite self aware. I’m not one to blame anyone but me for the situations I find myself in. I do know that I started to put weight on when I was told that I couldn’t have children. Instead of talking it through, I pretended all was well and ate the sadness.

That’s not an excuse, I could have easily had therapy or gone the other way and tried to make myself as healthy as possible. It’s just a packet of biscuits was the easy, immediate way to feel good.

The sleeve will physically stop the ability to do this and I hope that the counseling will assist too with the reasons. All I can do is try....

Twitter no problem - did you also know we had our own currency and pound notes ...

I say our own currency, it’s still sterling...

Good luck Mollie . I hope it all works out for you.

Gorgon, well your 'understanding' seems very minimal on this thread. I don't understand why you're keeping on and several posters have pulled you up on it now.

Good luck Mollie. I hope it all goes well. It’s fine to keep it private as long as you feel able to return to work as you’ll still be recovering but it sounds like your job is not physical. I didn’t tell anyone when I had bladder surgery as I was embarrassed, just took leave and returned as planned.

I didn't tell anyone. At all. Work have no idea. I've changed jobs a few times and never explained. So glad I didn't. I couldn't cope with the nosiness. Everyone has a bloody opinion!

It's great. Good luck OP

I don't think you have to tell them at all it's no one's business but I did work with a lady who went off for a minor surgery and came back and could no longer eat anything that wasn't pureed and lost weight super quickly so we did guess but obviously wouldn't have asked. Good luck I hope it all goes well

OP Yes, I've visited - luckily I didn't need any kind of medical care whilst I was there.... . so do you have to take out medical insurance? I'm derailing here but I have cancer. How would I get treatment if I were on the CI?

Thanks Gorgon, whilst we’ve wrangled here a bit, I do hope you can find the help you need. It’s not fair for anyone to be left “stranded”.

I’m really enjoying reading people’s experiences, so do keep them coming

I know my last message was a bit flippant so I will add to it. Before I had my surgery my eating was monitored closely under strict supervision and if I was found to have cheated the op was gone. I started at 1500 calories for a month no weight loss. Then it was reduced at 50 calories a month until I started losing. I weighed 25 stone and did not start to lose weight until I got under 1100 calories. Yes I mentioned snacking and by that I am referring to eating blueberries or popcorn between my meals which are a pot the size of a Müller yogurt full of meats or fish with the same size pot of salad and maybe a spoon of beetroot dip. I will eat half of this and be full. I then eat the other half two hours later.
I am a human whose body needs less than 1200 calories a day but her brain wants more. Luckily my stomach won't let me eat much more than I am supposed to and I have the diet that I am back on and weight is shifting.
Before my op I was not in great health. I have Crohn's disease which was in crisis, my immune system was all over the place and I hurt all over. Since my op I have been to the doctors twice in 5 years, once for a kidney infection and once for a bad chest infection. I am now costing the NHS nothing. I will get back to a healthier weight as I know how to do it.
Blimey sorry for the book!

Oh lovely - G or J? I live on G.

A lot of people have medical insurance over here - either privately or through work. I am in a work scheme which basically gives me x amount of drs visits a year, a bit of dental (not cosmetic) and a few free X-rays and physio visits.

My friend had cancer and her treatment was paid for by HSSD (Health and Social Services Dept) - she did have to go the UK as she was having a treatment that at the time they did not offer here (sorry to sound ignorant, I am not downplaying it or being blasé). I believe this was in Southampton.

However, I do have limited knowledge with this as that has been my only experience.

When I was being diagnosed with my medical condition (uterus didelphys - I have two sets of reproductive organs, wombs, cervixes and vaginas) had to go to London, purely because we didn’t have an MRI scanner (we do now) and then again to speak to a Dr who is one of the best in the UK with female genital mutilations.... (always makes me feel so special)

I hope the treatment you are receiving is doing it’s job and that you are on the way to recovery though my lovely

Staying alive - in my opinion you should be proud - you’ll get there, we all will

*mutations not mutilations

Not at all . If you are having annual leave (why!?) then no need

Thanks Mollie I do genuinely wish you well, just wish there was a magic wand for me too (being facetious, before anyone jumps on it, I know it's not a magic cure-all solution)

@Watto1 May I ask how much you weighed /what size you were before?

Could those who have had the sleeve tell me what differences you have made to your eating habits? I’m seriously thinking of it.

Good Luck OP! (Ignore the haters!)

Mollie85 Come in over to 'Gastric Bypass in 2 months ' our thread in 'weight loss chat' (I don't know how to link - perhaps someone clever can do that)

I started it a while ago now as I wait for Bypass surgery on the NHS.

It's a long running thread for those waiting, about to undergo or have been through gastric bypass/sleeve and few band folk.
We support each other in the wait and with post op advice as to how to manage the new way of life. Posters have gone down both Private and NHS route.

As for uneducated individuals like GorgonLondon who want to have a pop - ignore them. Bariatric surgery has been proven to be the ONLY long term sustainable, effective weight loss process for those with a BMI over 40.

Take a google at Professor Rachel Batterhams brilliant documentary www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08mf976.

Prof Batterham is a nutritional biochemist and explains clearly why this prejudice is actually costing the NHS a fortune when a 8k Op can save a lifetime of type 2 diabetes treatment, blood pressure medication. Stroke, cancer and all the other issues associated with obesity and is seriously rationed purely down to the sort of attitude exhibited by one poster on here.

The research into dieting and the percentage chance of success once BMI goes over 35 is truly shocking. Before anyone dismisses it, get the facts from someone with no commercial bias to push. Only science and fact.

Op as an NHS nurse I am delighted you are having the surgery and wish that the NHS funded it more. The NHS isn't on its knees because of funding bariatric surgery, it's more affected by treating the results of obesity! Not that this should need stating but some people don't seem to be thinking long term.....

i'd say i was having an operation. It means people will show understanding. No one needs to know what the operation is about but it'll help with being kind to you, understanding and not expecting you to be tip top after 2 weeks in Greece :)

Go for it, good luck with all the recovery and new life. How exciting. My friend had one and has a life change.

@Mollie85

Between us we are really coming up with some dramatic vocabulary lol:)

I love that you are doing something so positive for yourself! Health, self esteem and self worth are things we all have to work with and are so important not only for ourselves but for the way we are able to manage others and be kind to the world... although you seem to have that very calm and under control already:)

It's so lovely to hear of someone doing something positive for their wellbeing, encourages me to get off my ass and keep up with the things that make me a happier and therefore kinder and more fulfilled person!

In other words, when I go back to yoga class every day after a few month of letting it slip and getting out of shape, I'll be sweating like crazy, falling over and thinking of you:)

Keep us updated!

Lu