To not let employers know I’m having bariatric surgery?

[Mollie85]

Am planning bariatric surgery at the start of a two week leave period in October. I am having a sleeve. Realise lots of people are against this and have been doing my research for a long time, so please- no helpful horror stories I’ve made up my mind.

My Aibu is this: Am I being unreasonable to not let my employer know? I won’t be using up sick leave, just annual leave and by all accounts should be able to return to work in two weeks (sedate desk job, no lifting).

I presume I don’t have an obligation to tell them (certainly nothing in my contract) but wondered if I should let HR know should something go wrong and I need extra time?

Thanks in advance

Distance I don't disagree with your last sentence. Like I said, I think therapy is crap. Clearly, if people want to stuff themselves into morbid obesity, drink themselves or starve themselves to death, they will. Equally, those people who are motivated to stop drinking/starving/eating, will do so regardless of external help.

Clearly, if people want to stuff themselves into morbid obesity, drink themselves or starve themselves to death, they will.

Wow, that has to be one of the most ignorant, ill-informed and callous posts I've seen on MN.

Clearly you have absolutely no understanding of or empathy with any kind of MH issues Gorgon.

OP, I'm sorry you feel you need to hide your surgery. I had thought there was more understanding of why people undertake operations like this? I do think you should tell HR in case of any potential medical issues at work. I also think you should try to get some medical leave for this, rather than use up your holiday entitlement.

Good luck with it! and well done for doing what you feel is right for you. I have only admiration for you!

Why help anyone then Gorgon?

No treatment for lung cancer caused by smoking or for the broken leg of the child who ran away from his mum into traffic. Only for those who had an injury/illness not of their doing.

Or does that only count for us fatties?

OP I had a sleeve (that I paid for if it matters). I told work I was having abdominal surgery for digestive issues and took 2 weeks sick. Surgeon just wrote laprascopic surgery on the note. I'm sure some guessed as I was open about needing to be on a liquid diet for a while but no one said anything.

Had it at the end of Jan and am six and a half stone down. 3 stone to go until a healthy BMI and 4 stone to target. I recovered with no complications and could have gone back to work after a week and a half but boss said to wait.

*Why should the NHS pay for any of those consequences of morbid obesity?

I've got several friends who have lost huge amounts of weight (7 or 8 stone) through fixing their HEADS and changing the way they were around food, rather than through surgery.*

Same reason we pay for the teenager who drove too fast and wrapped his car around a tree, we pay for the alcoholic who trashed his liver, we pay for the climbing obsessive who fell 50feet, we pay for the workaholic who had a heart attack due to stress,we pay for the babies being born after people ttced, we pay for the babies being born after people got drunk.

It is called a National Health Service.

Gorgon - thanks for deciding that my thread is the best place to promote your own agenda. . As you will see, in my first response to you, despite your narky post, I was prepared to be kind as we are both suffering from issues surrounding food. However, now you are becoming quite tiresome.

I live in the Channel Islands. We have no NHS. This surgery is being paid for with money I have saved up. It also costs me £40 to see the doctor, £4 for a prescription, £18 for a blood test (etc) so each resource I use I am paying for. Not that any of that is your business of course.

And whilst I do sincerely hope that you can access the help you need, I’d thank you to kindly take your fat-bashing agenda “hidden” under the guise of “poor, dwindling NHS resources” and rant about that elsewhere.

Thanks to those who have been kind / informative

The comment about the barbaric surgery also made me laugh... let’s hope that not an omen

TwitterQueen1
Wow, that has to be one of the most ignorant, ill-informed and callous posts I've seen on MN. angry
Clearly you have absolutely no understanding of or empathy with any kind of MH issues Gorgon.

If you'd taken ten seconds to read the rest of the thread you would have seen that on the contrary I have a lot of experience of this.

How do you think a mental health problem can be cured through a physical surgery TwitterQueen?

PS - I wish we had the NHS available to us...!

How do you think the surgery will fix the psychological reasons that caused you to eat yourself to a life-threatening weight OP?

I had mine done five years ago. I am a primary school teacher and still had just two weeks off. I lost ten stone but have put two back on so the snacking has to stop!
Everyone who knew me was happy for me. They knew the struggle I had walking 5 miles a day, going to the gym four times a week and weighing 25 stone.
It is easier to lose weight now though I know I just have to eat under 1200 calories to do it! I will though as I have my first half marathon in October. It is life changing.

Mumoftwo We DON'T pay for lots of things because the NHS can't afford it.

One example - a friend of mine has a child with cystic fibrosis. There is a drug called Orkambi which has been proven to extend the lifespan of children with CF, but NICE have not approved it because it's too expensive. There is a campaign to try to change this.

Do you really think it's right that the MIL mentioned upthread, who had bariatric surgery on the NHS because of the problems caused by her morbid obesity, should get that surgery paid for, while my friend's 8 year old child is unlikely to see adulthood because the NHS can't afford the drug that would help him?

How do you think the surgery will fix the psychological reasons that caused you to eat yourself to a life-threatening weight OP?

I am sure the OP is not so stupid as to believe that a surgery will "fix" her psychological problems. She is dealing with the physical part of the problem, which has physical consequences. The way in which she chooses to handle the psychological aspects is her own business.

If you have eating problems, Gorgon, seek help. Don't go trolling people who are trying to improve their own lives.

Gorgon. Thanks for inviting me into an argument, but not today, thanks.

I’d be willing to have a sane, rational discussion with you about why I’ve chosen surgery if I thought for one second you cared a toss about my psychological well being.

But I’ve no interest in giving you a stick to beat me with, so sorry, you’ve lost your audience here.

Thanks once again to people who are sharing their experiences, it’s fantastic to hear from you all

Gorgon, the OP has stated that she is paying for her own surgery. And this is not a thread about NHS financing. Go force-feed your agenda to someone else.

Do you really think it's right that the MIL mentioned upthread, who had bariatric surgery on the NHS because of the problems caused by her morbid obesity, should get that surgery paid for, while my friend's 8 year old child is unlikely to see adulthood because the NHS can't afford the drug that would help him?

Well as I am in the middle of a long discussion with my MP about funding if a similar drug then probably not.

But - like I say - I am a pragmatist.

If Op has a stroke then the NHS can’t (and shouldn’t) refuse to treat her because she is morbidly obese. Personally I’d rather pay for the (probably much cheaper) surgery.

Oh, and OP, I hope this is a turning point in your life. Take the time you need, tell whomever you want to (and don't tell those you don't want to).

All the best.

Whatever experience you have, Gorgon, you've eradicated with your pointed nastiness. I clocked your first post and thought that was your agenda and so it was. Utterly transparent.

I can't imagine how lacking you must feel to happen on a thread like this where the OP is posting for a bit of support, to try to make her feel 'less than'. As it is, she's funding it herself. As a tax payer, I would be willing to help contribute to people who need this surgery; I contribute through taxation to any number of other NHS fixes for people who need them so I see no difference in this.

I feel sorry that you have such a negative opinion seemingly allied to "I can't get help so nobody else should have it either". That said, your posts on this thread are unnecessarily unkind and just show you up.

OP I would tell them only if you have a line manager or someone in HR who you think you could trust to be discreet with the information and not tell others/judge you negatively. That way if there are any adverse effects they would be more unstandinf of time off etc. If you don’t have any understanding and discreet superiors then I would keep schtum! It’s not something that you should be judged for (in fact I applaud you for it), but if word got out amongst your colleagues I think they would judge you/gossip given what you’ve said about their views on bariatric surgery. Best of luck with your operation and return to work x

Mumoftwo as a pragmatist, you can recognise that if you don't fix the underlying problems then they will just reappear in some other form.

A poster just above said I lost ten stone but have put two back on so the snacking has to stop! having gone from 25 stone to 15. She's now back to 17 stone. That's not a normal weight gain from 'snacking'.

The underlying problem is not fixed and this is at best a short term solution. As many as 30% of bariatric surgery patients regain all of the weight - not surprising as they're not tackling the source of the problem.

Others will find other routes to take out those emotions, whether it's alcoholism or some other form of self-harm.

Distance I'm not 'trolling', by any definition.

A friend had it (paid for it herself if it matters) life changing for her so good luck. She had a few months struggling with what to eat (and keeping it down) but didn’t need extra time off work. She’s lost a lot of weight obviously but had some counselling too because as far as I understand it can be a bit like going cold turkey from drugs or drink.

No experience personally OP, but I wanted to say well done, I'm sure it's been a very serious decision and I wish you luck. I know one person who has had it, it transformed her life and she says it's the best thing she's ever done for herself.

The silver lining to Gorgon's remarks is that they're doing a smashing job of demonstrating why you have decided to keep the details private for the time being!

Mollie, I'm glad you're taking no notice. My experience is that some people suffering from disordered eating on the anorexia/bulimia side mistakenly perceive their suffering as more 'worthy'; that overeating is something to be shamed about. It's not seen that way from the other side and anybody who thinks there's some sort of 'league table' has no idea.

All disordered eating is worthy of help and empathy and thankfully most of the sufferers that I know, don't feel this way.

Mollie can you imagine your colleagues faces as you shrink before them? good for you, i hope it goes smoothly!!

Lying It is because i have that experience that I understand that problems that manifest themselves through relationships to food can't be fixed by external, artificial physical means, whether that's force feeding or bariatric surgery. It just rears its head again in another form.

Sorry I sound like a broken record with all the “thank you for your kind posts” but I do really mean it. Your comments, kindness and experiences have been lovely.

I have decided to also take part in a 12 week counseling session (also paid for by me - for any agenda pushers who happen to be reading) to run concurrently with the first three months post surgery. Whilst unfortunately, with our limited resources over here it is not weight loss surgery specific, I have explained to my GP the reason and we have made the decision that it will be good for me to have that extra bit of emotional support.

Good luck OP. My sister had the surgery and it meant that she went on to have a gorgeous baby. It saved and helped create a life.

She found a lot of support online. Not sure if there is a section on here but you could start a thread. She said that helped a lot.