AIBU to have professional treatment done on my 8 year old daughter's hair

[MummyMuppet2x2]

Posting for traffic as there's been no response so far on the multicultural families board.
My daughter is dual heritage, European/Caribbean. Her hair is very thick, strong, with tight curls so she finds it hard work to manage. She also finds it tough going having her hair combed for her despite use of deep conditioners and moisturising hair products
I'm thinking of taking her for a professional hair treatment.
Has anyone had experience of
Either

• Thermal heat treatment

Or

• Texture Release treatment?

How well do they last? How much easier do they make it to take care of tight curly hair? Are they good value for money? Suitable for a child of that age? Any other suggestions please?? Many TIA

I wouldn’t, they damage the hair and lead to breakage.

List the products and routine you use and I’m sure we can help.

Have you tried/ heard of the Curly Girl Method? A fried of mine with hair that sounds like your daughters started this recently and her hair is looking amazing.

If you are in or near London, take her to a salon called Unruly Curls. They specialise in cutting and styling all different types of curly hair - including the kind your daughter has. They also wrote a book about curl care. If you aren't near London I'd suggest emailing them for some advice.

I have very long thick curly hair - recently made even thicker by pregnancy- and they've transformed how I deal with my hair since I started going a few years ago

Hiya
It really really depends on the texture of your daughter's hair. I have very curly hair which is thick but it's quite different to other people with thick hair

Can you post a pic from the back? Or find a pic on Google?

I'd definitely look into the Curly Girl method, it's about getting moisture into the hair and keeping it healthy and manageable.

She is a bit young for chemical processing. Can you find a hairdressor who can braid it for her every couple of weeks?

Where abouts in the country are you, as posters can point you to salons that can help you deal with her hair.

You shouldn't be using harsh chemical treatments on children's heads before they are around 13/14 as it leads to broken hair, scalp problems and worse. Also if you cannot manage it naturally using something like the curly girl method or getting it braided then you won't easily manage with chemical treatments as they take a lot more work to ensure hair doesn't fall out particularly around the edges.

Oh and there are websites like naturallycurly.com and britishcurlies.co.uk that have advice articles and forums. The latter has an online shop if you don't live in a area where you can easily find products. (There are more mail order shops but I cannot think of them off the top of my head.)

The curly girl method is really designed for Caucasian curls. Afro hair needs specialist hairdressers, products and advice. There should be a salon somewhere near you which can help.

There is a web site and YouTube channel called urbanbushbabes who talk about how to care for hair like your daughter's. They are wonderful and very helpful.

Stop combing it!! When hair is wet use conditioner to comb through with fingers. After rinsing put some leave-in conditioner on, again comb through with fingers. Allow to dry naturally if possible or diffuser. Please don't comb/brush it when dry.

I'm assuming you are the European side of the family as you aren't sure how to look after her hair? WHy don't you speak to someone on dh's side of the family about styling girl's hair? Get MIL to do it for you and watch her. Failing that I'd be shocked if there weren't 1000s of videos on youtube. There's nothing you can't learn on youtube.

yes yabvvvvu. why put white beauty standards on her at such a young age? I hope you are not this negative about her hair (which sounds lovely btw) to her face. go on you tube, curly hair forums etc, educate yourself and look after her hair. no excuse for it in this day and age imo.

Do not do it.

You will not only ruin your daughters hair, but you will give her a complex.

There is a huge "natural hair movements" on YouTube and Instagram where you can find tutorials and information on how to correctly look after your daughters hair and in turn teach her how to properly look after it.

Please don't make your daughter feel like her hair isn't beautiful

Loads of great tips, thank you very much for all your comments.

My daughter's hair is beautiful and I tell her that every time I comb it. I always wax lyrical about how, when I was little, I often wished I'd had hair just like hers (mine was a nearly completely unmanageable, comb-defying afro with a mind of its own ). I point out the many positives of having hair like hers when styling it, explaining how much character her hair has, how versatile It is, how well her styles last (for 3 - 4 days for some braided styles) and how amazing she is at maintaining her hair styles by herself.

However, despite all these genuine positives, it does have its definite challenges...

It was my own local specialist hairdresser of African & Caribbean hair who suggested the two treatment options I listed in my OP. These treatments are both new to me (hence this thread), but are apparently commonly used on dual-heritage hair. Treatments and products for my own kind of hair are too harsh or just unsuited to my daughter's. My hairdresser tells me that both treatments are used by children as young as 7+ years as they contain only natural ingredients which are designed to strengthen and nourish the hair. They're supposedly not like the straight perm (or relaxer) system, which I've used in the past, that break down the hair folicles to eradicate the 'kink', but which then end up breaking the hair in the long run (happened to mine).

I already have tried a number of different spray-in and leave-in conditioners and hairdressings and am running out of patience with buying products which promise miracles that, although they may work well for other people, just don't work for my daughter. Or leave her hair with an unseemly residue or sticky product build up. Just as afro hair is as individual in texture, strength and character as its wearer, so is dual-heritage hair. So some YouTube tutorials haven't worked out too well for her hair in the past.

Currently, with use of weekly washing and moisturizing conditioner, followed up by use of spray-water and coconut oil for styling, we're managing ok with her hair at the mo. Having afro hair myself, and having grown up with dual-heritage cousins, I am comfortable with styling my daughter's hair with creative, pretty plaits which earn her compliments from many lovely parents (and some odd, judgemental, and sadly, sometimes some quite frankly, rather openly hostile, disgusted looks from others - but that's a whole other thread - we live in a predominantly white area). But, as the afro content of her hair is so prevalent, it is tough for her to endure the styling process in this way. We have easy access to the Wolverhampton and Birmingham areas.

Hopefully I have answered all questions. I won't be able to provide a photo of her hair, sorry, because it is currently styled in braids so you won't be able to see the texture. However, I will certainly look into the many suggestions made above. Thank you all so much and please, please keep the ideas and comments coming!

For products you should check out a company called treasuretress. It's a monthly subscription of £20, you get a great selection of hair products; shampoos, conditioners, moisturisers, styling creams etc, for curly hair and they have a specific subscription for children.

It's a great way to try out new products and reasonable good value for money

you had a hard time on this thread and remained very gracious. I apologise for being harsh in my earlier post. I like a Denman brush for detangling, always holding the hair at the roots so it doesn't hurt. plaits stay neater with shea butter than coconut oil for me and my kids as it's a lot heavier. your hairdresser sounds like her motivation is extracting more money out of you. for wearing hear down I use a shitload of curl creme, a bit of coconut oil and then gel on top of that and accept there will be product build up after a day or two. xx

You need advice from black and mixed race people who know this hair
Not MN
Try Instagram , you tube for ideas and sources x

Most of my female black friends started relaxing their hair from 7 or 8. It’s a thing just like how a lot of Indian kids start shaving their legs by then. A lot of the people on this thread don’t get it because they’re using white beauty standards. Provided the hairdresser uses natural products it’s fine. Ensure you read through the ingrediant list.

Surely black & mixed race mumsnetters could advise though

Give Wolverhampton College a call. Their hairdressing courses include styling afro hair.

Then get on the tram to Wolves, the college hair salon is literally opposite the tram stop at the end of the line.

They actually get excited with a challenge, because I have arthritis they got all the first year students to talk to me about what effects it has on my hair, both medically and also difficulties with washing, drying.

I’d stop washing it so frequently and change to washing it only every two/ three weeks.
When washing using the shampoo just concentrate on cleaning the scalp and not the rest of the hair. The use an instenaive leave in conditioner for mixed hair, I’ve found Cantu products work well for tight mixed hair, make sure the hair is quite wet when you apply it. Never towel dry it, just put a towel on shoulders and let it drip dry .
Comb using the tangle teaser for Afro type hair to detangle. Apply some curl definer, again, I’d recommend Cantu, run through with fingers and style.
Each morning just spray with water and a little curl definer if needed.
Make sure she uses a silk pillowcase.

It’s not fine ‭DuchyDuke. It teaches her that her hair is unmanageable and not “nice”.
The op just needs to find the right routine and products .

stopfuckingshoutingatme

What there aren't any black or mixed race people on MN?!!

Well given everyone is recommending the Caucasian ‘girly girl’ routine ......

@Ajaslipstick not ever black person let alone mixed ethnicity person has the same type of hair as in curl type, strand thickness, porosity and over all thickness. So it actually might work on her hair plus there are modified versions which may work - hence pointing the OP to specific hair sites - everything depends on the girl's individual hair.

The simplest thing would be to get it braided.