AIBU to have professional treatment done on my 8 year old daughter's hair

[MummyMuppet2x2]

Posting for traffic as there's been no response so far on the multicultural families board.
My daughter is dual heritage, European/Caribbean. Her hair is very thick, strong, with tight curls so she finds it hard work to manage. She also finds it tough going having her hair combed for her despite use of deep conditioners and moisturising hair products
I'm thinking of taking her for a professional hair treatment.
Has anyone had experience of
Either

• Thermal heat treatment

Or

• Texture Release treatment?

How well do they last? How much easier do they make it to take care of tight curly hair? Are they good value for money? Suitable for a child of that age? Any other suggestions please?? Many TIA

@stopfuckingshoutingatme you clearly haven't gone on hair websites and forums, as if you had you would understand why some people say the curly girl method, which may have to be modified, could work.

Chemical processing of any kind should not be used on young kids. The chemicals used are caustic and also if a child doesn't understand how to deal with their natural hair then they won't understand how to deal properly with chemically treated hair to stop it breaking.

Have you tried mixed chick hair stuff? The gymnast Danusia Francis is often advertising it on Instagram. She is duel heritage and has great hair.

My dsd also have very thick Afro hair. What saved us was getting it braided. She loved it and this is when she learnt to love her ‘African Style’. We did it at the hairdresser a few times and then found a hairdresser to come to the house which was better as it takes a long time and we could watch DVDs etc. You need someone who is a bit gentle if she isn’t used to it from infancy. Through this I learnt to do it myself and continued to braid or twist her hair most of the time throughout her childhood. The braids stay in for a couple of months. Before braiding, we would cover it in conditioner and then divide it up to comb or use a tangle teaser. This part takes longer than the actual plaiting. I had a hairdryer with a combing attachment to really brush each section straight. Then a comb with a spike to divide the sections really neatly. Plus loads of elastics and beads! Now she is 17 she manages and plaits her hair herself, or wears it big, researching methods and products on instagram. She loves the natural Afro and at this point has said she would never straighten it.

I just think OP will get better advice from asking people who are Experts in Afro hair that’s all . MN whilst wonderful is not that place

there are loads of youtube videos on how to care for children's afro or similar hair

@Fissionchips - with all due respect you don’t know what you are talking about. I am Indian with Arab / Afro hair. The curls are not as tight as Afro hair but the hair porosity and texture is similar - I have to use half a bottle of conditioner on top of hair oil just to comb my natural hair. When I got nits as a kid the only treatment would have been to shave my hair off. Relaxing treatments make all types of afro hair easier to manage - leaving hair to be ‘natural’ actually takes a lot more work and effort and products.

OP if you’re the black parent you should try and be more positive about your own hair as describing your in such a negative way impacts your daughter also why don’t you google how to care for mixed race hair and you will get lots of YouTube hits.
Mumsnet is mostly white (as it is uk based) so probably not the best demographic.

Im mixed race and would say curly girl method works well on afro hair.
You could try to pile more conditioner in when its wet and leave that in. Needs yo be silicone free across every product you use to work. Theres great online and fb groups to help you. Plaits and twists are really cute between 8 and 13 i find. 4-8 sections cute clips whats not to like?
In my view 8 is too young for chemical processes. Plus lots of afro texturising etc treatments are far harsher than they let on. Anytime i go to an afro salon they endlessly push treatments and processing on me. My hair is curly but lovely as it is. I dont rate their advice more than enough experiences of singed hairline! You also need to consider that if you do it you have to keep doing it as the join between the straightened hair and the regrowth is prone to breakage. So thats a treatment every 6-8 weeks you have to commit to. Plus deep conditioning to stop it breaking and fallibg out. Huge hassle and expense. No wonder salons are do keen to get you in the chair. You get stuck with havibg to do it for ages. Or youll fo it at home and need them to fix it when it doesnt take or fries bits.
I chemically treated my hair from about ages 14-24 when i opted for a buzz cut instead. One too many burns. When people ask my why i dont chemically straighten my hair i show them the scars on my fingers from the last time i did my sisters 20 years ago. That usually ends the "oh but it would be so pretty straight" conversation.
Plus relaxed hair stinks of chemicals when wet - i always hated that.

Op ignore the haters. You can ask a question like this on MN if you want. Try Castor oil once/twice weekly on the tips and a little on the scalp. Try the Pantene repair and care hair mask in the gold tube. Leave a little on your hair after rinsing it off. Avoid styling whilst dry. Be liberal at using water, water is Afro-hair's dream. Use a satin hair scarf at night.

There's a thread over on Style and Beauty for women with natural Afro hair. People are very nice and helpful and will privately message you for further help. Above all, you are the best role model for your daughter, look after your hair and she'll learn from you.

Peace

Sorry i didnt mean yo be hater-ish if i was? I am much happier now i look after my hair eithout chemicals and wanted to let you see how that just creates other hair work with ongoing need for treatments

What bullshit DuchyDuke, it takes a lot longer but it is perfectly possible to remove bits from mixed hair without shaving it off.

Relaxing treatments eventually destroy the hair and it usually ends up breaking off, you think thats good?

If you can’t be bothered to find ways of managing your own hair without hair destroying treatments that’s fine, but you shouldn’t be a lazy bag when it comes to your child’s hair.

How long do these treatments take to perform, if you are really doing them every 6-8 weeks that's a lot of for a little girl to have to sit in a chair to have her hair look a certain way. It's not a message I'd be happy to give to my daughter.

Do you know what hair type she has? (3C, 4B etc.) If so you'll probably find some hairstyle recommendation online. I have 3C hair and am rubbish at hairstyling it wasn't until I was much older that I found doable and nice hairstyles.

Don't get treatment done on her hair, it'll damage it.

Thanks for ALL your opinions folks - whether good, bad or somewhere in between! I had my hardhat on in readiness as I expected, indeed wanted, frank opinions whether palatable or not , otherwise what's the point in asking?

Several of you have suggested great avenues for me to explore which I've already started looking into.

One thing this thread has confirmed to me is that this is not a straightforward topic. So, if anyone has further thoughts, opinions and experiences to share please do and thanks again!

Just my two pennies worth as a white mum of mixed race children...

Please don't chemically treat her hair. It doesn't matter how much you wax lyrical about her hair, actions speak louder than words. If her hair is deemed 'unruly' or 'unmanageable' she will imbue that attitude.

Far better to learn how to care for her hair and then teach her bit by bit as she gets older, so she can confidently care for her own hair as a young woman.

Curly Girl isnt great for a lot of mixed hair types (depends which curl type she has?). But as a general rule I'd advise not to ever comb or style her hair when it is dry, to wash less regularly but condition/wet and moisturise frequently with natural products (shea butter is good) and to learn how to style her hair in to some simple protective styles that you can eventually teach her, too.

While im mixed race i have 2 african friends whom i am close enough to to know exactly what they do with their hair. Both keep their hair natural. One has hers very short and then grows it v slightly for occasional braids when she wants to.The other has it my length (longish bob). Back in a bun most of the time with the occasional blow dry when she fancies it to straighten it and then its longer too. She does treatments a lot but she loves a good spa. We laugh about the shit we did yo our hair before. You name it weaves, going 'bone straight' all of it pricy, uncomfortable and often looked shit.
Theres also a good few african and caribbean women i know on the no cone/curly girl forums. One i know in rl. She switched herself and her daughter to curly girl method. She reckons its saved her a fortune. Curly girl method is not just a white woman thing.
My sister is very good at twisting plaiting and braiding her own. But she did that as a teen and its given her great skills. I relaxed mine instead and now will wait to learn to do niftier things with my hair when life isnt so full on.
Someone mentioned cantu. I like their leave ins. Same with mixed chicks - tho pricey.
I just use conditioners from tesco and superdrug plus a bit of gel or mousse.
Needs some research patience and trail and error but well worth trying before you process with chemicals cos often theres no way back beyond the big chop and your little girl might find that too hard.
Sorry im going on and on. But i hope you find a solution that works for you

I have very curly hair. About a year ago I stopped using shampoo and wash only with conditioner. And I've stopped combing and brushing. It's made a huge difference. I just use my fingers.

Look for conditioners that don't contain silicones and give it a go first. Curls stop frizzing, hair feels better

When my daughter's straight haired friends crimp or wet-rag their hair I love pointing out to her that they want their hair curly/wavy just like hers when they dress up to look nice for a special occasion. I tell her she's lucky as she just wakes up with her hair looking 'party-ready' every day.

However, despite my best efforts to be positive about her lovely tresses, she still finds it incredibly hard to be ' the one' with different hair. My hair was much more difficult to manage than hers when I was her age (just a simple fact - it just was), but i think people's comments didn't affect me as they do her (she's fielded some fairly ignorant personal remarks from kids and their parents, mainly the parents to be honest). And I remember the huge confidence boost I got the first time I had my hair pressed when I was 7 or 8, and the joy of not having to have my daily painful combing out sessions (I'd ALWAYS cry - and so did all my black friends).

I guess whatever choice is made, someone will think it's wrong. Like the person upthread said, some people will think it's a waste not to straighten hair that can be, and others who'll say it's wrong to use treatments (even though I've been advised that they're natural ones).

There's lots of right answers and lots of wrong ones...

afrocenchix.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIk8XUiML52wIVYbHtCh0JUQzMEAMYASAAEgIT4fD_BwE

Try this maybe? Don't use shampoo - but I guess you already know that - just wash hair with water and use lots of moisture retentive conditioner. The comb through is quite a lot easier on wet hair and shouldn't make her cry.

Yep, definitely going to avoid any treatments which will have a permanent effect on her hair. The hairdresser was pushing it today again when I called to get more info - I hadn't realised she was being 'salesy' as I trusted her to give me the pure facts. Oh well ...

Trial and error is the way forward. And scrutinising the shampoo/conditioner ingredients list.

Cheers again everyone

It's weird as I got criticised by a mixed race relative for using conditioner on DD's hair without shampoo.

Can't win!

Snorts in recognition at realising hairdresser is salespitching.
I popped into an afro salon sbout a month ago to check out their product stock. Lady launched into the same old same old oh i can straighten that in a jiffy nonsense. Did i even say i want it straight?
I asked about an ingredient on a ptoduct list. Her "oh no its not silicone". Quick google search on phone and yes it was!

People have different views on good hair. And it gets heated.
I still get recoils when i say i dont use shampoo. Like suddenly my hair is manky when just before they were asking me for tips.

I'm mixed race and curly girl does not work on my hair! Washing a bit less, loads of conditioner and oil all help.

I'd hold off on heavy duty treatments at the age of 8. Weirdly the longer my hair is the easier it is to manage. Length weighs down the curl.

@MummyMuppet2x2 I think that it was very honest of you to ask on MN to be honest. Yes there are a trillion FB sites and Curlygirls etc , but if you feel safe asking this question on here, then why not? There is an element of competition on some of those FB sites and on YouTube, and you end up feeling that every product is going to be the holy grail that will magically transform your hair. But the sheer fact that you have admitted your concerns and are searching for answers also it shows non black mothers of Afro heritage dual heritage children, that... sometimes black women don't know what to do either. And that's allowed.

To silence the OP saying that the demographic of MN is white ...and so if you are asking a question from the standpoint of not being white is akin to saying that there are mainly men in the Houses of Parliament and so a woman in there shouldn't be petitioning cases pertaining to "women's causes", and that's totally ludicrous. Some of those men in the HOP will have wives/mothers/ sisters experiencing those situations, or they can be enlightened as to how the other half live.

As this thread has shown you, there are women of colour on MN, and as per the responses, they are not a homogeneous set.

I didn't want to hijack, but I just felt that you and many other parents needed encouragement to know that it's ok.