No smoke without fire

[shockedstunnedandangry]

My fiance works for a large corporation within the UK and has been suspended from work and he says he doesn't know why. It's been 8 weeks since this happened and he says he has no idea but it might be something to do with a works night out and a student he shared a taxi with. All sounds very odd and lots of people need to be interviewed which is why this is taking so long. He's VERY worried about this and I'm very suspicious of what he's been up to and I'm sure he wouldn't be suspended for sharing a taxi with a student. He's been checking back through text messages and worrying there's something there to incriminate him but he swears it's all a misunderstanding but I'm one that tends to think there's no smoke without fire. AIBU to think that?

True but what fire? Fire could be something your DF did or it could be the student's grudge/unreciprocated feelings. Or it could be something completely unrelated.

Curious to know. 8 weeks is a long time to investigate

He says they haven't told him why? He's lying.

Have you asked him why he thinks it's something to do with a works night out and one of the female students?

Do you know what night that was, when he came home, if anyone else in the taxi with them, what state he was in when he got back?

Have you asked him why he thinks there may be something on his texts to incriminate him?

It's the fact that he doesn't want to discuss it with you that makes it clear he is hiding something.
Has he seriously said he doesn't have any idea of what the issue is?

He's just phoned me to say he was called into a meeting this morning. He didn't tell me until after (we don't live together). He was accused of inappropriate behaviour towards multiple members of female staff. He's had to move departments but has kept his job. He still insists it was all a misunderstanding and he didn't do anything wrong. This will stay on his work record for a year now. I'm shocked to say the least.

Multiple?!

LTB.

He's got away quite lightly. Sounds as if it was just stupid inappropriate sexist remarks rather than anything physical.

Wow. If he accepted a disciplinary for it, it's very likely they had evidence of his wrongdoing, but he is still failing to share this with you and be honest.

In appropriate behaviour towards multiple females? He needs to tell you EXACTLY what this behaviour is. He sounds like a bit of a creep.

''he says he's done nothing wrong''
In his eyes, making a move on students and colleagues isn't wrong. He's engaged to you and he's hitting on multiple women.
Being stuck in the back of a taxi with a pest who is your manager can be frightening. He is misusing his position.

Is this what you want out of of life?

I could be wrong but it's possible he's tried it on with multiple young women in the hopes one would play along

He sounds like a creep to me too, and not someone I'd want to be in a relationship with

Honestly OP - if it is multiple but kept his job I would very carefully assess my relationship with him. Chances are they knew what it was but do not have sufficient evidence. Either he knows exactly what he’s doing and playing you or he’s got a very very skewed sense of right and wrong.

He will know exactly what the incidences are. For you to have a future you need to go through these with him.

Jesus fucking Christ. Has he explained what this “behaviour” entailed? I’d try to find out elsewhere since he will give you some cock and bull story.

In appropriate behaviour towards multiple females? He needs to tell you EXACTLY what this behaviour is.

He'll just lie. OP doesn't need his inevitable excuses and minimising to make the right decision for herself.One woman making allegations could just be a misunderstanding, a momentary lapse in judgement or a grudge. With multiple women making complaints, and when these complaints are upheld by the organisation, the OP would be a mug to let him talk her round.

Tell him you are ltb as being in a relationship with a letch is beneath you.
Unless he can prove otherwise.

Well I hope you end this relationship.

1. You now know he's a liar. He knew EXACTLY why he was being suspended, as everyone has said. They have to tell you. He lied to you.

1. You now have a good idea that he is also a sexual predator. Oh but 'he sayshe is innocent'. Well, maybe just refer to point 1.

Dump the twat.

I tend to agree with Juells

OP, I worked in HR for a large UK based company for over 10 years and did countless suspensions, warnings and even stood in on work tribunals......he knew what he is accused of. In his initial meeting they will have outlined the claim, told him to stay away from the girl (and the workspace presumably in this case) while they investigate. Sounds like he just isnt telling you :(.

I would be more annoyed with that than anything and see that as a huge red flag. He didnt tell you incase he was found innocent I would bet. I think you should reconsider being with him. As you say, no smoke without fire.

Multiple?!

OP do you want to stay in a relationship with a man, who maybe has been trying it on with other women? or been making sexual remarks? Or maybe sending sexual innudendo's via email or text? or has even been physical towards them?

Is that a person you can have a relationship with? Someone that has made other women's jobs so uncomfortable for them that they had to put in a complaint?

You said yourself, he has no boundaries when it comes to having students as Facebook friends etc. Despite you voicing your concerns. Maybe now you have a slightly better idea why he chose to ignore you and continue.

Ultimately OP this wasn't a case of she said/he said.This was They said/he said.

I'm all for standing by and supporting someone, but when multiple allegations are made, its past the point of innocent until proven guilty.

You need to make a decision- stay and marry a creep or get out with your dignity in tact.

I see what you're saying Juells but - he's been moved departments, and was suspended for two months - I reckon that it's more likely to be allegations of actual inappropriate behaviour beyond comments, but that they can't be proven. :(

So he's learned he's got away with this so far.

oh wow.

How are you OP? what are you thinking? are you OK?

He's clearly not the man you had hoped he was. multiple people don't all say the same thing without reason.

I'm really sorry shocked, your update depicts a situation more ch worse than you probably ever imagined.

For me it would be the end. One person might (although unlikely) have a vendetta but multiple women making allegations is a pattern and indicates a type of person I definitely wouldn't want to be with.