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AIBU?

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Original poster

No smoke without fire

114 replies

shockedstunnedandangry · 28/06/2018 15:24

My fiance works for a large corporation within the UK and has been suspended from work and he says he doesn't know why. It's been 8 weeks since this happened and he says he has no idea but it might be something to do with a works night out and a student he shared a taxi with. All sounds very odd and lots of people need to be interviewed which is why this is taking so long. He's VERY worried about this and I'm very suspicious of what he's been up to and I'm sure he wouldn't be suspended for sharing a taxi with a student. He's been checking back through text messages and worrying there's something there to incriminate him but he swears it's all a misunderstanding but I'm one that tends to think there's no smoke without fire. AIBU to think that?

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 28/06/2018 16:59

Apologies for the weird multiple posts.

goingonabearhunt1 · 28/06/2018 17:02

Just to echo the pp above, you can be suspended without being told why or only told vaguely (i.e. 'a complaint was made' as someone said above). It happened to someone I know, turned out to all be unfounded. Not all orgs follow the rules. Your DH should contact a union for advice. Everyone who is saying this can never happen, it can (though obv I don't know whether this is true in your DH's case).

goingonabearhunt1 · 28/06/2018 17:02

Just to echo the pp above, you can be suspended without being told why or only told vaguely (i.e. 'a complaint was made' as someone said above). It happened to someone I know, turned out to all be unfounded. Not all orgs follow the rules. Your DH should contact a union for advice. Everyone who is saying this can never happen, it can (though obv I don't know whether this is true in your DH's case).

goingonabearhunt1 · 28/06/2018 17:03

sorry didn't mean to double post!

crispysausagerolls · 28/06/2018 17:03

Agree with Bluntness100

donquixotedelamancha · 28/06/2018 17:03

Don are you actually saying you work for a large corporation who suspends peope and doesnt tell them why? This is very very unusual indeed.

I haven't ever been suspended, so this is second hand, but yes. It gels with my first hand experience of their 'processes'.

I don't think that level of poor treatment of employees is anywhere near as unusual as it should be, or as it was 10 years ago.

donquixotedelamancha · 28/06/2018 17:06

Op, I suspect the reason he isn't telling you or showing you the documentation is because it's sexual, I'm sorry, and will have implications for your relationship as well as his job.

I tend to agree, but was just chipping in on the whole 'reasons are always given for suspensions' thing.

SparklyMagpie · 28/06/2018 17:10

You've had to warn him before about adding young students on Facebook?!

He is 100% lying to you, I wouldn't believe a word that comes out of his mouth

Even more so when this allegation involves a young, female student

And he's got form for speaking to them on social media and texting

Whether work related or not

Yuk

Sorry OP

WeAllHaveWings · 28/06/2018 17:10

checking back through text messages and worrying there's something there to incriminate him but he swears it's all a misunderstanding

What exactly happened that could be misunderstood?

He's lying to you. Sorry.

Isleepinahedgefund · 28/06/2018 17:18

I’d say he definitely does know what it is about, and the thing that makes me think that is that he refuses to discuss it with you.

Also you don’t look for incriminating evidence if you haven’t done anything....

Isleepinahedgefund · 28/06/2018 17:20

I’d say he definitely does know what it is about, and the thing that makes me think that is that he refuses to discuss it with you.

Also you don’t look for incriminating evidence if you haven’t done anything....

BoomBoomsCousin · 28/06/2018 17:22

I think sometimes there is smoke without fire. But he would either not know at all what had happened or know the accusation and be horrified by it. A claim of "it might be something to do with a works night out and a student he shared a taxi with" is him acknowledging, at the very least, a smoldering pile of poor decision making and transgressed boundaries and quite possibly him trying to set up an excuse for a raging inferno he lit.

After 8 weeks if he really doesn't know what he's been accused of he should be contacting legal advice. He would surely be much more aggressive about getting his name cleared if he really didn't know what was going on at all.

An 8 week suspension is a huge worry - do you have plans for how to cope if he is suddenly fired?

WeAllHaveWings · 28/06/2018 17:22

checking back through text messages and worrying there's something there to incriminate him but he swears it's all a misunderstanding

What exactly happened that could be misunderstood?

He's lying to you. Sorry.

Wetwashing00 · 28/06/2018 17:24

I do find it hard to believe that he wasn’t told why he has been suspended but he knows enough to believe it’s about a taxi ride with a student.
Has he said what happened during that taxi ride? Why does he believe that’s what it’s about? He must’ve said or done something that could be on the brink of misconduct or blatant misconduct.
Or in the belief that he’s innocent the student must have form for making up complaints to management for him to believe it’s about her specifically.
I would definitely press for further information, if he refuses to engage then how supportive can you be? Or he knows he’s guilty and knows you wouldn’t be happy about it

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 28/06/2018 17:25

Tell him you've had an anonymous phone call, would he like to give you his side of the story.

Bluntness100 · 28/06/2018 17:29

As said, I'm not sure he will be fired. I think if it comes to it, and he his found to be guilty of whatever he stands accused of, she will find he resigns. Many companies offer that option, rightly or wrongly, as it allows the employee to seek alternate employment more easily. Dismissal can significantly be a bar to finding alternate employment. So unless really necessary many try to avoid it.

Troels · 28/06/2018 17:36

Saying he did nothing wrong, doesn't mean he has no idea why he has been suspended. Ask him why he thinks he's been suspended. Even if he got a general suspension he has a good idea or he wouldn't be going through his phone.

BoomBoomsCousin · 28/06/2018 17:45

Fired or resigning - it will be a sudden loss of income that it would be wise to contingency plan for.

HeebieJeebies456 · 28/06/2018 17:56

Come on, OP, you're not stupid or naive so why are you just accepting and tolerating his bullshit?

No matter what else is going on in your life, him being suspended and being investigated is a serious matter and he needs to come clean.

I've warned him before about being too friendly with students....they are texting him at home for work related things and I think that should take place in work time. He thinks I'm being ridiculous

So basically he enjoys crossing boundaries and does it in a way that he can wriggle out of using plausible deniability if it comes to that.
He obviously enjoys abusing his position of power/authority.

He's been reported for something more than just inappropriate touching/talking in the back of a taxi....something that's been going on for a while - that's why other staff are being interviewed.

Find your self respect and tell him he either tells you the truth or leaves the house til it's all over.
Why not ring his employer?
You need to know for your own safety and in case there's a safeguarding risk - what if he's being investigated for sexually inappropriate behaviour?

Thymeout · 28/06/2018 18:34

Checking his phone doesn't mean there could be something incriminating him on it. Someone was recently cleared of rape because text messages on his phone showed that the accusations were false.

If he has been suspended on full-pay it sounds as if it's a 'he said/she said' situation. They would have sacked him outright if he was obviously in the wrong.

So it could be a bit soon to have him hanged, drawn and quartered. But only you know how likely it is that there is some truth in the allegations.

Juells · 28/06/2018 19:02

Wonder if he'll suddenly say "I'm fed up of this rubbish, I've told them to stick their job, I've resigned".

Keepsmiling1 · 28/06/2018 19:09

Same thing happened to me. I believed him for so long - he only admitted he knew when I threatened to ring up his employer in front of him and ask them. Sorry but from my experience he's lying to you.

SparklyMagpie · 28/06/2018 19:42

Sorry but I'm still not getting my head around you having to warn him before about messaging students on Facebook or when they text when he's at home

There an allegation regarding a young,female student in a taxi ride home
..would that alone knowing, not ring alarm bells more?? Confused

He's 100% lying, do not buy into any bull shit he gives out...I wouldn't believe a word he says anyway

FittonTower · 28/06/2018 19:42

I worked for a large organisation where this happens. I'm not saying its common or that it's the case with the OP but people ARE suspended without being told why, it's not impossible. Sometimes it's done to protect the complainant sometimes to protect the person who is the subject of the complaint, sometimes it's to allow the company to conduct their investigation without the subject of the complaint to "cover their tracks".

isadoradancing123 · 28/06/2018 19:46

If he is checking back through texts then there must be something that he fears, regardless of what he says

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