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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m going to make your life hell

54 replies

Butterflies27 · 28/06/2018 07:54

My ds 14 told me last night he got a break time detention. The details of this were they had a substitute didn’t turn up for first 10 mins have some brief work and then left didn’t come back for rest of lesson. Next time had that class again teacher held 5 back saying they didn’t do enough work. My ds was brought to the front of the class in that detention and told he would fail his GCSEs if he carried on like this and if he took this subject (which he has) next year he would make his life hell!

I’m shocked, by a teacher using their position of power to threaten a child. My ds has had issues at said school in year 7-8 he got bullied quite badly, had his foot broken being stamped on, cover in bruises from being hit etc.

I spoke to school a lot during this time to get them to sort if out and to be fair to them they did. During the process though my son got involved in the wrong gang as they offered protection -would stand up to the bullies, kept him safe.

Bullies got expelled for bad behaviour and things started to improve. Ds is in yr 9 now, this year hasn’t been plain sailing. He’s found the work hard so has either acted the clown, not done his homework.

I went in to the school a few months ago with my ds to see head of year and tutor to try to get ds to try harder. He started doing better no more logs, no more after school detentions, yesterday in the post we received a praise postcard from his tutor about his behaviour.

Comments like this will only make him think what’s the point, which has taken us weeks to get to where we are. Aibu to phone the school and discuss this teachers unprofessional comments? If you would call would you phone the head of year, the teacher direct?

Some may think this is petty which is why I’m asking but if this was said in the work place it would be taken seriously.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/06/2018 07:58

Well I damn well hope so. That's awful.Shock.

RickOShay · 28/06/2018 07:59

I would take this further. I don’t understand why your ds was singled out. Also the class should have been supervised. Good luck.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 28/06/2018 08:05

Ds is in yr 9 now, this year hasn’t been plain sailing. He’s found the work hard so has either acted the clown, not done his homework.

I think its your ds that needs a talking too, not the teacher tbh, they sound at their wits end by his behaviour.

Ohmydayslove · 28/06/2018 08:07

Well not sure. He’s 14 and some 14 year old boys do need a kick up the arse to buckle down.

It’s tricky because, and I mean this nicely op, mummy can’t be always sorting things out for him. You helped him when he needed it regards the bullying that’s great you had his back.

Now it’s about school work and effort it’s really up to him to start becoming a man and get his head down.

I imsgine the teacher was trying to give him a mataphorical much up the arse.

Personally if he was one of mine and I had 6 kids I would be quite breezy and tell him ‘well you better behave yourself then love and buckle down. You need your GCSEs to get on to the next stage so no more detentions’

Don’t go to the school over this. He’s 14. He would probably be mortified anyway.

I am sure the teacher didn’t mean it as he said it and personally I think anyone who teaches 14 year olds deserves the VC.

catinasplashofsunshine · 28/06/2018 08:08

If the teacher really said he'd make his life hell just for taking his subject then of course you need to follow up with meetings with teacher and head of department together.

If there's any chance that what the teacher actually said was that if anyone who takes his subject next year misbehaves in his lessons and tries to get away without doing any work, he'll make their lives hell it's a rather different thing, and a warning to knuckle down not a nasty threat ...

Ohmydayslove · 28/06/2018 08:08

I imsginr your ds has sugar coated his behaviour too op don’t you? Wink they do that.

TorviBrightspear · 28/06/2018 08:11

I would talk to the school. It seems the lack of work comment might relate to the lesson with the substitute, in which case the school needs to know they were not there for most of the lesson to supervise.

BarbarianMum · 28/06/2018 08:20

She probably meant she'll make his life hell by insisting he concentrates, works hard, hands in homework. Hmm

Tell your ds to crack on and work hard and behave in class and they'll probably get on fine. You could also ask him why he chose to study this subject if he wasn't planning on making an effort.

Melliegrantfirstlady · 28/06/2018 08:23

Teachers can’t win these days. Some kids are absolute horrors. I doubt the teacher would say this without good cause

Stop making your son into a victim or he will always act like one and be an easy target for the bullies

petrolpump28 · 28/06/2018 08:31

forget it and move on.

Chickoletta · 28/06/2018 08:36

IF this happened as described then it's not great. However, 14 yr old boys' versions of events are not always totally reliable so proceed with caution.

I've had a complaint made against me this week for a bollocking I gave a yr9 boy - his mum's version is nothing like what actually happened and I've got several independent witnesses who'll back me up, fortunately.

Ultimately, think about how your son has responded - if this has given him a kick up the arse it may be no bad thing.

FritataPatate · 28/06/2018 08:44

She probably meant she'll make his life hell by insisting he concentrates, works hard, hands in homework.
This.

Pandora79 · 28/06/2018 08:46

I wouldn't complain as such. I would enquire as to what happened, if it's really causing a problem..

Chances are (my dd is also 14 so I have been there) that his behaviour has been minimised by him. Also he has probably exaggerated the teachers reaction.

But unless you are really concerned that this has damaged your son, I would leave it.

TellsEveryoneRealFacts · 28/06/2018 08:48

She probably meant she'll make his life hell by insisting he concentrates, works hard, hands in homework

He.

I can't imagine saying that to any child and think I'd still have a teaching job next term.

fuckthisnoise · 28/06/2018 08:49

She probably meant she'll make his life hell by insisting he concentrates, works hard, hands in homework.

This.

And it sounds like your dc has been making his teachers' lives hell, not the other way around!!

Mississippilessly · 28/06/2018 08:55

There does need to be a reality check here. If he has found third year hard and therefore reacted by doing little work GCSE is going to be a hell of a shock here.

proudestmumm · 28/06/2018 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newyearoldme · 28/06/2018 09:08

DS mucking around in a cover lesson, not doing work or homework and you think it's the teacher who needs speaking to??! Confused

Maelstrop · 28/06/2018 09:10

I agree you need to talk to the school, but your ds needs a change in attitude from what you say.

pinkdelight · 28/06/2018 09:12

I agree that if she did say it, she will have meant what barbarian said - as in, she won't let him get away with not doing his work. You've said he's clowned around and not done work, so even though it's good that he's improving, you can't expect a teacher not to make a comment just in case it sets him back. Her comment can't 'make him think what's the point?'. He has to take responsibility for himself and if he can't then he probably will get comments like that. Course the class should have been better supervised, but these things happen sometimes, and again your DS has to take responsibility. Otherwise there's always something - the work's too hard, the teacher wasn't there, the teacher said X - always some reason to mess around.

Tinkobell · 28/06/2018 09:13

I imagine your DS was a total pain the arse in that lesson.....he saw a gap / opportunity to lark about and do nothing and he grabbed it. Nerves do run ragged towards the end of term OP, and I imagine that teacher probably just lost their rag and said what they said out of anger. It's no excuse and they shouldn't do it but some understanding of the context has to be considered.
Take it up with the teacher. Ask then if they did literally mean what they said. Then take the matter from there as you see fit.

Isawthelight · 28/06/2018 09:15

So your DS has been in a gang most of whom got expelled, hasn’t been behaving, hasn’t been doing his homework and you’re after the teacher?

Beggars belief!

CoughLaughFart · 28/06/2018 09:15

I would speak to the school, but with a ‘please give me your version’ approach. Tell them you understand how teenagers are prone to exaggeration and that you want to hear the facts as that teacher sees them before you decide to take it any further. Also ask very matter-of-factly if they can confirm whether substitute teachers are expected to supervise an entire lesson or simply set work and leave the class unsupervised afterwards.

TuTru · 28/06/2018 09:19

If it were my son, I’d be telling him that he better knuckle down then in that class and do as he’s told.

Ohmydayslove · 28/06/2018 09:20

God who on earth would be a teacher!!!!!!

I would be arrested either over punching cheeky teenagers or punching whinging parents.

Don’t some posters ever think their teenagers are a total pain in the arse and totally deserve being told off by teachers.

All mine st some point benefitted from a bloody good tellIng off especially at 14/15... I think most teachers are honestly heroes.