To ask your top tips for a 16 year old's party - this Saturday!!!

[loveyouradvice]

Hi... I've been so chilled about this... so much else going on from GCSEs to work commitments and sick mother ....

But I've suddenly realised I do have 70-80 teenagers turning up at our house to party on Saturday night...

DD has bought disco lights - a mate has done playlist - we're ordering range of beer and cider (and champagne for midnight when it actually turns into her birthday) with not much to munch on beyond crisps, popcorn and sweets and guacamole/hummous.... we're putting away anything breakable and covering the downstairs loo floor as we've been warned by DD and her mates that it "could get really manky".

She's lined up 4 mates to be the "bouncers" if there is any trouble ..and laughingly said all her male mates are small or tall and gentle but the two girls are pretty feisty!

We have guest list - and I'm allowed to be on the door for the first hour and then instructions to vanish so DH and I will be watching telly upstairs - and occasionally glancing out of window to see what actually is going on!

Oh and she's said we should put a "Private" sign half way up the stairs but be a bit relaxed so that only her closest mates go up to first floor. Luckily we have bizarre outside loo (70s decor!!) as well as inside one so should be enough.

They are basically nice kids... but they are 16 and demob happy after exams! And I know some of them are quite capable of getting slaughtered though DD is pretty moderate in her drinking and feeling very responsible.... but she isn't one of the feisty girls, much gentler.

So..... what are your top tips? What have I missed? What do you wish you had known before hosting teens at home?

CRAZY........So much could go wrong. PLEASE don't do it. Do you want to be ultimately responsible for the actions and welfare of 60+ drunk teenagers?

Your daughters disappointment will be nothing compared to the possible ramifications of your irresponsible actions.

Really intrigued to know how you can possibly know the smoking and drinking habits of 78 teenagers??

If you think that you really know that you are either incredibly naive or hopelessly stupid. Maybe both.

I went to loads of parties as a teenager. They were all, without exception, absolute carnage. It was awesome. For a teenager.

As an adult and a parent, the thought brings me out in a cold sweat. Like fuck would I have a load of drunk teens in my home. It'd be bad enough with 10-20 and no alcohol supplied - what you're proposing sounds like something from Ibiza uncovered.

Maybe the EIGHTY kids you know are all sedate and will have a couple of drinks, eat some pizza and hummus and be all civilised, but it sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.

Good luck.

Can’t wait to see how this turns out.
Hope your dd has a great time and you don’t loose your mind. .

Yes gatecrashing would be a deal - but we have contingency plans on how to handle that. Having now talked to 5 local mums who've done this - we would be unlucky if it went badly wrong - but it could and we need to be prepared

The stabbing of the 15yo happened less than 5 minutes from where I live, I wasn't out and about but it was apparently carnage and a bus driver was also injured.

Over 100 gatecrashers turned up.

Good luck with your 5 local mums , personally I think your delusional.

I think this is a troll tbh

If it’s not she’s hardly likey to come back on Sunday and say it went badly wrong and loads of parents were really upset

God this is why you really have to get to know your friends parents to make sure their not fuckwits

I remember somone agreed to allow her daughter to go to asleep over and the mum fucked off out for the evening leaving the kids with a teenager brother

Some right liability’s out their

I have read every response to this, and so many of them are sensible and based on experience. OP, you sound like such a nice person that I don't want to say anything unkind - but please, please, please read and digest the most recent responses. Especially those from young people, rather than from old fortysomething farts like me. They are so, so, so right. There's nothing cool about facilitating a druggie piss-up for youngish teenagers. Honestly.

Mums like you were the heroes of my teenage years. Hope all goes well, and your DD's friends weren't as reckless as we were at that age!

OP my thoughts are with you, you have been bombarded beyond belief here!
Good luck tomorrow !

Someone I know was raped at knifepoint at a party like this, aged 15, not by a gatecrasher but by an invited 16 year old. Parents were in the house and years later are still not aware of what happened. Drunk teenagers can be really, utterly vile.

I think it might be a case of "one-upmanship" going on with op and the dd

So and so had a party for xx so we will have an even better party for xxx

Really irresponsible to be trying to be the "cool" mum

If they go upstairs and leave 78 ++++ gatecrashers to their own devices and don't police it better then they deserve the vomit piles

Just hope none of the children end up hurt

Havent read whole threat but why are you providing underage children with alcohol?

Basically cos it means she is a "cool mum"!!!
Although most people on thread say it makes an irresponsible mum

OP my thoughts are with you, you have been bombarded beyond belief here!

Actually just a lot of people giving their personal experience of the things that can go wrong when you let 70 plus 16 year olds alone to drink and party. If it were your 16 year old going to the party, you might be glad that people warned the OP. Personally I posted to tell her to lock up all med - prescription or otherwise. I sincerely hope she is going to do that.

Thanks all... I do understand about the alcohol but I think one either has to go with the set they're in... or not. We have chosen to do so. I would be really worried if she was one of the ones getting drunk regularly and am super aware that we need to be responsible for those that do.
What on earth does that mean, ‘one has to go with the set they are in or not’ and she doesn’t get drunk regularly?! There’s always the first time! Honestly we are all trying to give you good advice here. You cannot possibly know that 80 kids’ parents are happy with you providing booze, it’s just not possible. There’s a very good chance you will be fine, but for the slim chance you are not could you honestly explain this all to someone who doesn’t agree with you?

So have you got permission from all 80 parents to provide their CHILD with drink? Are they aware it's actually a piss up and you're fully expecting 15 and 16 year olds to be so hammered they are throwing up?

Because I can hear the scenario from their dc " mum, spoiltlucy is having a party for her 16th. It's going to be great, everyone's going. Don't worry her parents will be there. They are super strict apparently and no ones allowed to bring alcohol."

Op, if you provide these children with alcohol and their parents do not know that is your intention then you are a total fucking arsehole. If my dd attended this party after I thought responsible adults would be there and in charge but actually provided the drink then answering to the police would be the least of your worries.

I doubt I'd be the only one.

This reminds me so much of my GCSE summer - weather was a bit like this week too. Loads of parties of course & we were very much in the allowed to drink set so I get where you are coming from OP.
Almost always ended in carnage with about 30 people let alone 80!
1 friend's parents left her adult sister & bil in charge with the 4 crates of low alcohol lager which remained virtually untouched as everyone brought their own & mixed it in 2l bottles.
Good luck!

What I find really strange about the way this thread is going is that I ASKED FOR TOP TIPS .... I did NOT ask to be piled into about the alcohol. If I tell you that the parents know this is what to expect from parties in this group, that is the case.... I do not need everyone to go self-righteous about it.

I have no problem with those of you who don't allow your children to drink at this age . That is fine. But 16 is moving towards adulthood so I am rather surprised there are so many of you.

Yes in a group of 80 kids I expect one or two to be throw up ... it may be more, it may be less.... the last four parties my DD went to, no one threw up at two of them, two did at the last one and one at the one before. It happens. It is not a disaster. This is what happens at teenage parties - for some that starts at 17 or 18, for others at 15/16.

I have been hugely grateful to the helpful posters on here - some great experiences and tips shared.

You sound brilliant. I went to loads of parties like this as a teenager. We had a great time, and I have such happy memories from the GCSE summer. In terms of alcohol - there would always be parent-provided alcohol at parties from the age of around 15, I think. I grew up in South London - think Clapham/ Brixton - is it a location specific thing maybe?!

Either way, props to you. They’ll have a blast and you sound chilled out and realistic. I think bottles of water are a good idea to have on hand, and I remember bread at parties actually? Like a load of soft baguettes we’d break bits off. That sounds a bit odd, but I guess they did a good alcohol soaking job.

Hope your DD and her friends have a great time. Good luck!

Against what turned out to be my better judgement I agreed to dd having a party here over 6 months ago. That was in the winter so you'll have the additional aspect of this heat making them dehydrated and getting drunk faster.

My home and our relationship are only just recovered! There are still a few items needing replaced.

My tip - DO NOT DO IT!

IF you do - DO NOT make yourself scarce but make your presence VERY much felt. If at all possible have other adults there to monitor/assist - geez teachers won't even try and handle more than about 30 each! And often there's a TA too - and those kids are sober!

My home was wrecked!!! - vomit was the LEAST of it. And this was half as many kids and I knew most of them as having grown up with dd and being basically good kids.

Very similar to Annanim's experience. With the exception of knives thankfully. Though I did have cans of food having been opened partly and fridge door left lying open - so all the food was spoiled and stank!

Eject those who are getting too drunk/lairy/aggro AS SOON as you see the signs and don't take no for an answer - they wind the others up.

I strongly doubt you know all their parents too - so you're at high risk of getting in trouble re underage drinking. I think with that many there's an extremely high risk of drug use too.

If you haven't already have the numbers of good joiners, electricians etc ready for the day after. Not even remotely kidding!!

Given what you've said about the size of your house & how many coming I hope you have a spare £2-500 for the clean up and repairs.

"shockingly you can provide alcohol to kids from 6 years up in your own home!" I think that only applies to your OWN children. But even if not there's ALSO the parents to deal with who I doubt you know all those parents that well and may well. And yes I know they have a responsibility too. Won't stop them gunning for you.

There is a HUGE difference from sensibly monitoring and guiding your own child in alcohol consumption, even them having a few friends round with alcohol and :

78!! No way you know all those parents well enough to do this. Plus I reckon that means close to 100 will actually turn up. There see only 20 in mine btw.

Never mind checking the thread - it'll make the bloody news!

You sound very aware OP.

In our area (50 miles from London), kids get drunk at parties, and that is almost all the kids at all the parties. My 3 kids (22, 19, and 16) went to scores of teenaged parties, and there has been drinking at all of these parties, starting when they were 14, and building up from there. I was surprised and horrified at first, but actually it has been ok for us. We have had 5 or 6 parties, and nothing terrible has happened at any of them.

Good luck, OP.

I don’t think all parties are carnage or a catastrophe btw. I went to loads of house parties between the ages of 15 and 19, and most of them were (overall) fine. People were kept in the garden as far as possible, there were people who were sick, there were things that got broken, but overall nothing catastrophic happened during any of them: bruised egos and unpleasant hangovers for sure but no burnt houses. People would usually get up in the morning and help to clear up. I think the plastic sheeting over stuff could be a good idea though.

I let both my kids drink at 16 and had done for a while by then. I provided alcohol in small amounts for their friends too, but only under supervision (meaning that I was there keeping a close eye on them) and I didn't host any massive parties because I really do think that's asking for trouble. Both my kids (now 17 and 19) have drunk alcohol on enough occasions to know their limits and have never caused any issues (that I know of!). However some of their friends / peers have got into real trouble including more than one sexual assault, drugs overdosing, fights and accidents. I really hope that the party goes well and nothing worse than a bit of vomiting happens (although I'd not be happy about that really either for the child or my house), I just think you are being very blase about the potential for things to go seriously wrong with such a large number of potentially very drunk teenagers and so few adults about.

Op the reason so many posts are talking about alcohol may be to do with the fact they are UNDER AGE! It is not an 18th birthday party, it is a 16th birthday party which means potentially you have lots of 15 year olds there too.

Why would you provide any alcohol to children (and they are children until they are 18) without their parents consent? I am pretty sure those that are keen to drink will find a way, and those that don't may feel pressurised with so much sloshing around.

If you are going to host a party, at least do it safely with plenty of emphasis on dancing and water hydration instead of just drinking.

I went to a huge amount of parties at this age, some were quiet and heavily supervised. The worst included a boy being glassed being over run with dealers, gangs arriving and serious fighting. Are you prepared for all of this as well?

I would have only plastic glasses
No glass to be allowed in the house (I have never recovered from what I saw that night and it didn't even happen to me)
1 adult to every 10 teens (trust me you need as many adults as possible)
An allocated adult checking that none of them are becoming paralytic and endangering themselves
A loudspeaker if you need to shut the party down

Op you need to know you will not be in control with this many teens, so you will have to hope against hope that they are a decent bunch. Your house will need redecorating and will stink of vorm for weeks for sure, that goes without saying.

I am just amazed your dd was able to talk to you into this....

Good luck!!!!!!!!