To ask your top tips for a 16 year old's party - this Saturday!!!

[loveyouradvice]

Hi... I've been so chilled about this... so much else going on from GCSEs to work commitments and sick mother ....

But I've suddenly realised I do have 70-80 teenagers turning up at our house to party on Saturday night...

DD has bought disco lights - a mate has done playlist - we're ordering range of beer and cider (and champagne for midnight when it actually turns into her birthday) with not much to munch on beyond crisps, popcorn and sweets and guacamole/hummous.... we're putting away anything breakable and covering the downstairs loo floor as we've been warned by DD and her mates that it "could get really manky".

She's lined up 4 mates to be the "bouncers" if there is any trouble ..and laughingly said all her male mates are small or tall and gentle but the two girls are pretty feisty!

We have guest list - and I'm allowed to be on the door for the first hour and then instructions to vanish so DH and I will be watching telly upstairs - and occasionally glancing out of window to see what actually is going on!

Oh and she's said we should put a "Private" sign half way up the stairs but be a bit relaxed so that only her closest mates go up to first floor. Luckily we have bizarre outside loo (70s decor!!) as well as inside one so should be enough.

They are basically nice kids... but they are 16 and demob happy after exams! And I know some of them are quite capable of getting slaughtered though DD is pretty moderate in her drinking and feeling very responsible.... but she isn't one of the feisty girls, much gentler.

So..... what are your top tips? What have I missed? What do you wish you had known before hosting teens at home?

Thing is op I DO allow my teens to drink. At home. and they have a very sensible relationship with drink. If they went to a party and someone snuck in alcohol I would hope I'd done a good enough job for them to be sensible about it.

But going to a party where alcohol is provided by the parents and being actively encouraged is a whole different ball game. This would put heaps of peer pressure on them as it would be seen as the normal thing to do there. Everyone drinking because the parents have said it's ok. Hell, the parents have even supplied sick buckets so knock yourselves out.

15 and 16 year olds do not know their limits yet.

Everyone objecting is not objecting because their kids have never touched alcohol. They are objecting because you are giving children alcohol at your house.

you cannot possibly know every single child and you cannot possibly have spoken to all of their parents . I really don't get why you'd supply underage kids with alcohol and think it's normal.

whats wrong with setting up a mocktail bar or something? Much more classy, age appropriate and normal.

Hope it goes well OP, please report back tom. This kind of party isn't unusual round my way and most of the time it all goes well and the kids have a fabulous time.

To all the posters getting their knickers in a twist about booze, this age group (post GCSE) traditionally attend festivals like Reading to celebrate leaving school/end of exams. Do you really think they just drink squash?

Agree with plenty of food. More kiddie type than adult type still seems to go down well at that age. If it's not too late get the lowest abv beer and cider you can find. And not way too much of it so it does run out before they get drunk. But also get loads of soft drink so that that doesn't run out.

Just walk causally through to the kitchen to get your own drinks every now and then so you can make sure they are all still well.

Label the loos. Put no entry signs on the rooms you don't want them in but make them polite.

Put plenty of mats down at the doors (though you'll probably not need them as much as we did when ds had his party in Feb,).

And good luck. As I say, we did it, similar number of guests and it was surprisingly painless. I had lots of feedback saying the kids had a great time / loved the food / best party ever.

I really don't get why any parent of a 16 year old would not automatically assume there would be alcohol at a party. They would be vanishingly naive not to. If it bothers them they can contact the party parents to discuss options or not allow their dc to go.

My house was unscathed apart from mud being traipsed through. Luckily not many carpets.

There’s a massive difference between accepting your child drinks (and gets in a state) at parties/festivals and being responsible for providing alcohol to children.

No one is getting their knickers in a twist about booze are they? It’s about being a responsible parent and host. I will send DS1 off to a party with 4 cans of lager but I won’t provide alcohol if he has a party.

The difference being is I provide the booze I can make it the weakest stuff. The kids can bring anything.
One other tip which I didn't have to use is to remove all spirits etc. I had an older dc on duty for this! He fitted in with the demographic of the party but was able to do some covert surveillance for us!

Hiya, my dd hosted an end of gcses party last week for her mates.

Admittedly there were only 16 of them so a lot fewer than you will have, but it went well.

I provides cider (kopperberg) West coast cooler, beers, cactus jacks (shots) and they brought whatever else they wanted.

One girl brought a bottle of vodka and one brought a bottle of gin.

I have known all these girls since dd was in Y8 and know their parents. I only had one boys mother ring me and ask me not to let her son overdo the alcohol.

I provided crisps, popcorn, nachos, bread sticks & hummus, cheese and chive twists and peanuts.

As all our guests were staying over I bought 4 loaves and 4 massive packs of bacon for sandwiches.

Around 1am (I retired to my room about 11.30pm when they started making cocktail things in the blender!) I could smell toast.... I went to the kitchen and there they all were sat round the table/worktop/floor drinking tea and eating toast

I had to get up early the next morning but some of them were already awake and cooking bacon. Someone had been ill on the bathroom mats but they cleaned it all up and the mats and cleaning cloths were in the washing machine and had been switched on!

Not all teenagers are going to get pissed. In fairness I didn't have as many as you- but I wish you luck!

The thing is, I don't think it's so much the fact that teens will be drinking - we all know they do/will. It's the sheer volume of teenagers that are going to be there. I wouldn't want to be responsible for that many, or be cleaning up afterwards.

My son and his mates did the majority of the tidying and cleaning afterwards. He understands that if he wants more parties then he has to keep the inconvenience to the rest of his family to a minimum.

I would be really worried if she was one of the ones getting drunk regularly and am super aware that we need to be responsible for those that do

But why would she even invite those who "get drunk regularly"? I've no problem with a bit of alcohol drunk sensibly and of course teenagers will do daft things, but regularly?

You might well be cool with "the set they're in" but I certainly wouldn't be

I host about 3 teenage parties a year. Never any bother, place always left clean (I made a comment that last time they hadn't wiped down the kitchen surfaces so this time it was spotless). Mine are now a bit older but at 15/16 our rule was no spirits and no boys! (at 18 they now have mixed groups)

The big difference is that we have 12-15 people max. We have never had a gatecrasher as we live in the middle of nowhere. There is NO WAY I would ever allow 70+. They can't all be her good friends.

How are the nerves? [smile]@loveyouradvice

ferrier

I really don't get why any parent of a 16 year old would not automatically assume there would be alcohol at a party. They would be vanishingly naive not to. If it bothers them they can contact the party parents to discuss options or not allow their dc to go.
i wouldn’t provide any drink and if anyone was found to be drinking or drunk they would be sent home I don’t want any assults sexual or physical laid at my door thanks so you assume wrong the first question people would ask is were did they get the drink

I think it is the case of "keeping up with joneses" here and doing an even better party and being a real "cool/irresponsible" mum than all the other parties

I know one family wanted to hire a venue for their son's bar mitzvah and so invited 80 of their closest friends - really close friends - yeah right

It was the first time this venue had been used for such a party and this mother paid extra money so that none of the boy's friends could use it for following year - just so her son was "special"

These 13 year olds trashed the venue without alcohol

I really doubt that a 15 year old has 78 close friends

puzzled I got drunk “regularly” while aged under 18. So did most of my friends. It wasn’t highlighted to our parents as “oooh we all got totally hammered last night”. It was just “oh I’m going to a party at Bob’s house/Anna’s barn/we’re going to the pub in x village. I’ve got a lift home with so and so/I’ll cycle/can I have a lift back the next day please?” My friendship group was broadly high achieving and well behaved at school - there were really no negative consequences to my being in “that set”. There were no fights, no police raids, drugs were limited to nitrous oxide and weed and my parents knew I didn’t do either. What would have been the benefit to them making a fuss about that? My grades couldn’t have been better, I held down a part time job, volunteered weekly for more than one charity and didn’t cause any one any trouble. All they would have done would be alienate me. I get it if it’s impacting their grades or their overall health, and obviously it’s not the best thing in the world for your liver, but I don’t think it would have been worth having a massive row over.

I think OP will be back tomorrow to say the party was a great success, and we'll never know if that's the truth

OP, you've had good advice here, but still seem keen to be seen as "cool mum". Big mistake I think

When I was 16 I had a party that quickly got out of hand with gate crushers and I was too drunk to care. My house was trashed, people broke and peed on my bed/mattress. Puke and cigarette/joint butts everywhere! Definitely go down and check on them every 30 minutes whether your daughter likes it or not!

You asked for "top tips" OP, and one reoccurring tip was that you shouldn't provide booze (not a booze ban, just you don't need to give them the booze!!)

Not sure why you are so bothered about posters views on this?

I’m feeling anxious @loveyouradvice 😳!
Please let us know how it goes!
Good luck!

AIBU to be hoping for a running commentary?

I reckon so AlsoAppearing sadly I think OP is going to be up to her eyeballs😳

I think the only update will be that It all went swimmingly and all 78 kids thoroughly enjoyed the hummus.

Me too hopefully (even if it’s carnage!!). But I do wish you good luck and hope there’s only a bit of vomit to worry about.

Me too worried and hoping all 78 kids like the hummus!